Co-sleeping, baby wearing, & breastfeeding: Mum of 3 weeks with a few questions!

[555ann555]

Firstly do you know where I could read more about co-sleeping safely?

My little one is 3 weeks old and I'm having major issues with her sleeping in her Moses Basket. At the moment she's only sleeping in it for spells of about 45 minutes, and I'm getting exhausted! I know she can easily sleep for longer than this because when I wear her in a Moby wrap she can go 2 or 3 hours without waking up, she just doesn't seem to sleep well on her own

Secondly, how do you deal with unsupportive family?

Today I had my mother in law (who FF) suggest that maybe I wasn't making enough milk (and has been suggesting all along that perhaps my milk just isn't any good because Gabriella wants to nurse all the time), and I had my sister in law (who FF) suggest that I give my 3 week old baby some baby food or some custard! I honestly couldn't believe my SIL when she said give her some custard!

My baby put on 1.5 oz last week, and 1 oz this week. My HV said as long as she's putting on weight she's moving in the right direction and she wasn't worried about it, but apparently that's not enough of a gain to satisfy my in-laws

I also had a lecture today about how Gabriella will never learn to sleep on her own, and how I'm "making a rod for my own back" and "ruining that baby" by wearing her in a Moby wrap for a couple of hours each day so that I can get stuff done around the house!

But I don't know how to explain that baby wearing isn't going to do my baby any harm... The HV said if anything it'll make her feel more secure and make her a more well adjusted child, but my hubby keeps being told by the girls he works with that baby wearing is the wrong thing to do, and then we're both getting it from my in-laws...

I'm tired, and she's tired, and the only way she seems willing to rest during the day is either in the wrap or laying on my husband's chest, or my chest. He's gone back to work now, and I'd get nothing done in the day if she was laying on top of me...

My MIL already raised controlled crying, she didn't call it that, but did suggest I feed her (and don't pet her while feeding as I was playing with Gabriella's hair while I nursed her ) and put her straight down in her moses basket without hugging her, and just leave her to cry for a few minutes...

I'm fortunate that my HV and my own mum are being really supportive, but as first time parents it is really hard for my husband and I to know if what we're doing is for the best, and because my hubby is being told that what I'm doing is wrong from most of the people he talks to I can feel a bit unsupported by him half the time

 

[littlestar]

honey, I know how you feel, we have made choices that family don't always understand too.
I was dissuaded from babywearing when Q was little and i do it now and love it and really wished i'd listened to my instincts! I got other things my own way - Breastfeeding, cloth nappies etc but i suspect that they were secretly wondering 'i wonder how long that will last' but we've succeeded!

you do what you find natural to you!

if you parent by your on values and instincts then you are being who you are - i know lots of mums who have suffered with PND as they've tried to parent with the masses and it's not who they are, and had difficulties with bonding and feeding.

As for sleeping - co-sleeping isn't something i've done but it sounds like it would work for you, there is some info out there on safely co-sleeping, i'm sure some of the others ladies who do co-sleep can advise.

 

[anothersquish]

Wow, some people are very strange! Ignore them, I know its hard but just remind yourself you are doing what is best for your baby AND for you, I cant see anything wrong with both of you being happy and content??
Co-sleeping wise this is a list

Your bed must be absolutely safe for your baby. The best choice is to place the mattress on the floor, making sure there are no crevices that your baby can become wedged in. Make certain your mattress is flat, firm, and smooth. Do not allow your baby to sleep on a soft surface such as a waterbed, sofa, pillowtop mattress, beanbag chair, or any other flexible and yielding structure.
Make certain that your fitted sheets stay secure and cannot be pulled loose.
If your bed is raised off the floor, use mesh guardrails to prevent baby from rolling off the bed, and be especially careful that there is no space between the mattress and headboard or footboard. (Some guardrails designed for older children are not safe for babies because they have spaces that could entrap tiny bodies.)
If your bed is placed against a wall or against other furniture, check every night to be sure there is no space between the mattress and wall or furniture where baby could become stuck.
An infant should be placed between his mother and the wall or guardrail. Fathers, siblings, grandparents, and babysitters don't have the same instinctual awareness of a baby's location as do mothers. Mothers: Pay attention to your own sensitivity to baby. Your little one should be able to awaken you with a minimum of movement or noise — often even a sniff or snort is usually enough. If you find that you sleep so deeply that you only wake when your baby lets out a loud cry, seriously consider moving baby out of your bed, perhaps into a cradle or crib near your bedside.
Use a large mattress to provide ample room and comfort for everyone.
Consider a “sidecar” arrangement in which baby's crib or cradle sits directly beside the main bed.
Make certain that the room your baby sleeps in, and any room he might have access to, is childproof. (Imagine your baby crawling out of bed as you sleep to explore the house. Even if he has not done this — yet — you can be certain he eventually will!)
Do not ever sleep with your baby if you have been drinking alcohol, if you have used any drugs or medications, if you are an especially sound sleeper, or if you are suffering from sleep deprivation and find it difficult to wake.
Do not sleep with your baby if you are a large person, as a parent's excess weight poses a proven risk to baby in a co-sleeping situation. I cannot give you a specific weight-to-baby ratio; simply examine how you and baby settle in next to each other. If baby rolls towards you, if there is a large dip in the mattress, or if you suspect any other dangerous situations, play it safe and move baby to a bedside crib or cradle.
Remove all pillows and blankets during the early months. Use extreme caution when adding pillows or blankets as your baby gets older. Dress baby and yourselves warmly for sleep. (A tip for breastfeeding moms: wear an old turtleneck or t-shirt, cut up the middle to the neckline, as an undershirt for extra warmth.) Keep in mind that body heat will add warmth during the night. Make sure your baby doesn't become overheated.
Do not wear nightclothes with strings or long ribbons. Don't wear jewelry to bed, and if your hair is long, pin it up.
Don't use strong-smelling perfumes or lotions that may affect your baby's delicate senses.
Do not allow pets to sleep in bed with your baby.
Never leave your baby alone in an adult bed unless that bed is perfectly safe for your baby, such as a firm mattress on the floor in a childproof room, and when you are nearby or listening in on baby with a reliable baby monitor.

Personally we have a kingsize bed, Theo sleeps on the outside of the bed between me and a mesh guard rail that sits ontop of the mattress. I use a duvet over my lower body, tucked under myself/between my legs. OH and I have separate duvets so that mine cant be pulled loose and end up near Theo. Theo wears his bedstuff and a cellular blanket if its cooler.
I feel very confident with this arrangement and its important that however you choose to co-sleep you feel confident and safe.

 

[555ann555]

Thanks you so much for the suport, and for the information! I'm going to get a guard rail tomorrow, and I've just ordered a snugglenest too, it might be overkill to have both but I figure better safe than sorry...

I can see from that list what I've done wrong already, when I BF Gabriella most of the time I'm using pillows under her to raise her up to breast height to do the rugby hold (had c-section and am large breasted so this was the easiest to master), and I've been letting Gabriella sleep on the pillow on top of my bed when we're napping, and by the looks of you list that would be far too soft for her to stay on...

We've got a king size bed, and I'd made sure she was on top of the quilt, but it looks like I've got some safety issues to take care of before she can sleep in my bed again...

BTW, I was extra brave today and wore Gabriella throughout Sunday lunch at my in-law's house today for 3 hours which she slept solidly for! I got a lot of disapproving comments and a ton of looks, but I'm sure the more they see me doing it the more they'll realise I'm not going to pay any attention!

 

[littlestar]

You go girl! stick to your guns, yes they will talk but they'll soon realise the benefits!!

 

[Mitsuko]

When people comment on your parenting methods, just nod. That's what I do when I'm confronted with people I don't want to get in an argument with (*cough*MIL*cough*).

I've just spent the worst week-end at my in-laws. My MIL questioned every little thing I was doing. She lectured me on how I was a slave to my baby and suggested CIO. No, not even CC, CIO as in leaving your LO to cry until they vomit in distress... I just said"maybe it's the thing to do but I can't do it.

 

[Ashy]

Do what feels right to you, dont let other people question your instincts. ive had to faff of my own mum cause she doesnt get how C doesnt sleep through. She was lucky with me, cause i slept 10-10, and not all bebes are like that, by a long shot. I Cloth diaper, co sleep, breast feed and baby wear, and its almost like im a slacker re: parenting, but we get sleep and shes happy!!!

Side note: i only support co sleeping for breastfeeding mums as we are in tune to our bebes. We regulate their temp/heart rate and know before they wake when they need to eat, unsnap and go. Super simple, and just how nature intended.

 

[special_kala]

Do what YOU feel is right not what other do.

We babywear and River is a very happy independent little thing not in the slightest bit clingy. If anything i wish she were more clingy

we co slept in the first few weeks and still do on occasion but she happily goes down in her cot as well.

 

[special_kala]

Do what feels right to you, dont let other people question your instincts. ive had to faff of my own mum cause she doesnt get how C doesnt sleep through. She was lucky with me, cause i slept 10-10, and not all bebes are like that, by a long shot. I Cloth diaper, co sleep, breast feed and baby wear, and its almost like im a slacker re: parenting, but we get sleep and shes happy!!!

Side note: i only support co sleeping for breastfeeding mums as we are in tune to our bebes. We regulate their temp/heart rate and know before they wake when they need to eat, unsnap and go. Super simple, and just how nature intended.

and im not because i FF???

 

[tinkerbellkir]

Hi Hun!

Firstly i think weve all been there with the unsupportive family.

Best line i have heard is , My rod, my back, my baby! Though i have yet been brave enough to use it lol!!

People think they are helping so i just generally ignore it to be honest. The longer u keep doing what you are doing the more people get used to it.

Im just going with the lead by example thing, they will see when seth is older how content and non clingy he is, hes been fine in my bed too so thats proved them all wrong on that one already, hes such a happy boy people seem to have stopped commenting!!

x