Cold Feet

[swedengirl]

Hi All,

So I know in a couple of threads this has been discussed but I thought it might be good to start a thread on this.

We are due to start TTC in March and I have just begun my last cycle that we won't be trying in and I suddenly have major TTC panic.

I have started to get so so unbelievably worried. I have become worried about the state of the world currently, become worried about our finances, become worried if I am ready for my whole life to shift and my whole identity to change, I have become terrified of having a miscarriage or even dying in labor. I just feel totally TERRIFIED about everything suddenly.

At the same time I am also terrified my fiance will tell me he wants to push back our TTC date. Although I do not know where this is coming from as he hasn't said anything.

So I am both terrified about not TTC but also about TTC.

I know this might be a pointless thread as I guess this is all a bit irrational, but felt I needed to say it to someone!

Any of you have days like this?

 

[MrsB17]

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[karoolia]

You ladies are not alone!

I could have written all of the above. Everything in our lives lines up for very soon to be the right time for us to TTC, but I keep having a knee jerk reaction that I'm not ready every time I think about how close it is. I have even had nightmares about being pregnant. At the same time I find myself worrying we'll have trouble conceiving and hoping it happens quickly or worrying about a miscarriage. Or even daydreaming about telling family and how great that will be.

I think contradictory thoughts and feelings come with the territory.

 

[swedengirl]

Oh it is so nice to hear I am not alone!

I had a really bad day with this yesterday getting very upset and panicked that maybe I wasn't ready.

I spoke to my best friend and she was just like "Finally!!". She has been so shocked that I haven't had one moment where I have had a proper freak out about this. She calmed me down and told me I would be insane if I didn't have a moment where I worried I wasn't ready or worried about things that might happen. I realised this was probably right... She reminded me that I have wanted this for so long and I am going to be the best mamma. And that calmed me down as I have wanted this forever.

I think a lot of this worry comes from reading the news and worrying about things that might happen. So I have decided I will try to stop reading the news so much. Instead of watching/reading the news I will watch laughing baby videos on youtube instead!

Thanks girls! So nice not to feel alone in this!

 

[laura109]

Hello. It's totally normal to be scared and excited. I am ttc number two in march too and i am so scared of the change. I worry about coping with my toddler if i have a bad pregnancy. I worry about coping with two children even though my daughters a good girl kids get sick and they wake you up in the night. Just with one i feel like i am
Constantly trying to tidy up and be organised.

Despite the hard parts though 2 years on i still think about being pregnant and her being born. It was the most amazing time of my life. The first scan. Picking names. Buying cots and prams. Holding them for the first time. Bringing them home from hospital. Its honestly amazing. So many firsts and you learn so much about yourself. We do live in a horrible world but its also a nice world. They genuinely do make life better! The first thing you do as a mum is worry. From the moment those pink lines came up on that test I worried and i still worry now but in a positive way xx

 

[Alleke]

I'm with you, too. I'm 39. When I was young, I was sure I wanted kids. Then, finding a partner never panned out (and I did not want to go it alone). Over time, I accepted that it probably wasn't going to happen, and then I got to a point where I was happy with that. And then I met DH, and he changed everything.

Now I have a list of worries. I'm old. I have thyroid problems. My lifestyle is quite adventurous, and a baby will change that. Many of my friends do not want children, so babies will change relationships, as well. Plus all of the usual worries. Oh, and DH is excited and making comments, so a little pressure there.

The current plan is to wait a few months. I am going to get the pre-pregnancy to-do list in order. I am going to plan for maternity leave backing up to summer break, since I work in education. And then we will sway pink by timing. Do you think my plan will work? Meh. Having the plan warms my cold feet... or maybe it's the fact that TTCing is still a few months away.

 

[Fluffycookie]

I have been getting cold feet a lot since our TTC date is coming closer now... mainly about whether I shouldn't wait a little longer for my career. It's tough but I think there is probably never the "perfect" time to have a baby.

I'm with you, too. I'm 39. When I was young, I was sure I wanted kids. Then, finding a partner never panned out (and I did not want to go it alone). Over time, I accepted that it probably wasn't going to happen, and then I got to a point where I was happy with that. And then I met DH, and he changed everything.

Now I have a list of worries. I'm old. I have thyroid problems. My lifestyle is quite adventurous, and a baby will change that. Many of my friends do not want children, so babies will change relationships, as well. Plus all of the usual worries. Oh, and DH is excited and making comments, so a little pressure there.

The current plan is to wait a few months. I am going to get the pre-pregnancy to-do list in order. I am going to plan for maternity leave backing up to summer break, since I work in education. And then we will sway pink by timing. Do you think my plan will work? Meh. Having the plan warms my cold feet... or maybe it's the fact that TTCing is still a few months away.

aww I'm so glad things worked out for you in the end with finding your husband and trying for a baby soon I totally understand warming your cold feet with planning - I'm the same. When I worry most, knowing that I have a plan/followed a plan so far calms me down. You can't prepare for everything, but at least you know that you're prepared for as much as possible!

 

[swedengirl]

Yes my planning seems to go on overdrive when my cold feet kick in!

For example, I have never been worried about the financial side but my OH has been too worried about this! Now when my cold feet kicked in I started hundreds of budget sheets Think it gives me a sense of control!

Alleke so glad you finally found the one!

Seems quite common that the cold feet kick in once TTC is round the corner. Realised today I have 3 weeks left not trying... Although today that is met with excitement not nerves!

 

[polkadotpixie]

I too, could have written this!

I've been wanting to TTC for over a year and my husband finally agreed we can try in Feb/March...now I'm terrified and wondering if it's the wrong decision!

I'm scared of giving up life as I know it, always having to put someone else first, that it will come between me and my husband and not being able to afford it

I'm also scared that my husband will change his mind and say he's not ready so I'm scared either way! I think ideally if I was younger then I would wait another 6 months to a year but I'll be 33 in May and I'm also scared I'm leaving it too late

Basically I'm scared of everything lol!

 

[swedengirl]

Wow polkadotpixi we have such similar feelings!

Well it feels nice for me not to feel alone. I felt a bit crazy!

I guess though it is the biggest life changing event you can choose to embark on so no wonder we are worried! As laura109 said- the first thing you do as a mum is worry. And although we are not mums just yet, we have taken the first step- deciding we want to be!

Any of you have tips on how you calm yourself down and try to prevent the worry?

 

[ssarahh]

I felt like this just before we TTC our first. I promise you that you will not regret it. My DH and I were ready ... I just kept finding reasons to delay and kept saying what if ... I think cold feet are perfectly normal.

Here I am just a year later with the most precious baby boy. My heart is so full of love and looking back I know I just got nervous of the huge change. Now I'm waiting to try for number 2 and no doubt I will get cold feet about that too!

Warm those feet up lovely xx

 

[swedengirl]

Thank you ssarah!

 

[MrsB17]

I have done some Google searches and found lots of posts by other women who have felt the same. It seems like it's completely common to feel this way before TTC.

 

[Alleke]

Thanks, Ladies!

In the meantime, I read my contracts more carefully regarding maternity leave and healthcare. That was valuable, because I discovered that it will be significantly better for me to wait until 2018 to give birth. I'm glad the cold feet motivated me to check the details more carefully...

In general, I try to make things work to my benefit. Planning, checking, preparing (within limits, of course)... all healthy outlets for cold feet. Speaking of which, I think I'm going to make a baby shopping list with estimated prices. It would be good to know how much we will likely be spending. Sounds fun, too!

 

[Fluffycookie]

Thanks, Ladies!

In the meantime, I read my contracts more carefully regarding maternity leave and healthcare. That was valuable, because I discovered that it will be significantly better for me to wait until 2018 to give birth. I'm glad the cold feet motivated me to check the details more carefully...

In general, I try to make things work to my benefit. Planning, checking, preparing (within limits, of course)... all healthy outlets for cold feet. Speaking of which, I think I'm going to make a baby shopping list with estimated prices. It would be good to know how much we will likely be spending. Sounds fun, too!

oooh a baby shopping list with prices sounds like a great idea, I'll make one too