comment today that upset me

[JASMAK]

I know that my friend had no intentions of hurting me, and she wasn't trying to be mean, but she said something that really hurt. She has three children. The magic number that I want - so desperately. I KNOW I am lucky to have two kids already. But, coming from someone who has what I want, this hurt. She asked me if I was TTC still. I guess I must have told her at one point that I was. So I said yes, and that we have been ttc for 26 mths and that we have had three losses. She said, "oh well, you have a boy and a girl...trust me, three isn't that great". To me, that is as rude as a millionaire going up to a starving ethiopian and saying "no really, food is completely over-rated". Just WTF???!!! Maybe I am just PMSing here, but I was upset. I didn't say anything, but why is it that people just can't stop and listen to their own words before speaking???

 

[Dahma]

oh well im sorry, think long and hard maybe she said that because she was trying to make u feel better, sometimes people say things to be kind and others take it differently...im sure that was not meant to hurt u....

 

[Alexas Mommy]

That is a really awful thing to say-especially to someone who is wanting another so bad. One time my OH's mom said that if she could re live her life, she would have never had kids I would never think or say anything like that-ever, and there she said it in a serious conversation

 

[Dahma]

im very sorry about ur losses

 

[Lovely goory]

Don't take it to the heart maybe she didn't mean it to hurt u. Be happy life is too short to be upset....just talk to her. I'm sure everything will be okay.

 

[FJL]

Don't take it to the heart maybe she didn't mean it to hurt u. Be happy life is too short to be upset....just talk to her. I'm sure everything will be okay.

If being happy was as easy as waving a magic wand then that'd be great...but its not. LTTTC at any stage is a heartbreaking process. To me, your post makes it very clear that you have no idea what IF is like and if thats the most supportive post you can come up with then its probably better to say nothing

oh well im sorry, think long and hard maybe she said that because she was trying to make u feel better, sometimes people say things to be kind and others take it differently...im sure that was not meant to hurt u....

How on earth could her saying that be intended to make Jasmak feel better???

I think I know where your post in the open LTTTC area came from now Jasmak!

Geez Louise...

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

oh well im sorry, think long and hard maybe she said that because she was trying to make u feel better, sometimes people say things to be kind and others take it differently...im sure that was not meant to hurt u....

in no way is her friend trying to make her feel better.. iv been trying as long as OP has and trust me its no walk in the park.
its rude that she even implyed that hunni.. yes your blessed with 2 but u want another. its wat ur heart wants

 

[Wobbles]

oh well im sorry, think long and hard maybe she said that because she was trying to make u feel better, sometimes people say things to be kind and others take it differently...im sure that was not meant to hurt u....

Don't take it to the heart maybe she didn't mean it to hurt u. Be happy life is too short to be upset....just talk to her. I'm sure everything will be okay.

Best intentions were probably meant but can I point out that this section of BabyandBump is very sensitive & unless you can relate to the topics personally maybe you could stick to the areas you will be more suited to.

Thanks

 

[Dahma]

i do see where the comment came from now, and i was tryin to be nice, but since its being said that i shouldnt post in here anymore i wont, because i see that trying to make someone feel better does go a long way....and i am new so i wasnt aware that because i am pg theres a specific thread i should be posting on...my appologies....and goodluck to you all....so much for a welcoming and friendly website!!!

 

[leeanne]

I can see where your comment may have upset her especially when started with "oh well Im sorry". Almost like saying "no big deal, shit happens."

This is a friendly site and perhaps your intentions were good but the wording of your post was hurtful.

 

[Barneyboo]

Hi Sweetie,

Some people make me Its always comments like that come from peeps that are usually hunky dory and have had no problems with conceiving so thoughtless!!! Big Hugs babe

 

[CurlySue]

i do see where the comment came from now, and i was tryin to be nice, but since its being said that i shouldnt post in here anymore i wont, because i see that trying to make someone feel better does go a long way....and i am new so i wasnt aware that because i am pg theres a specific thread i should be posting on...my appologies....and goodluck to you all....so much for a welcoming and friendly website!!!

You hardly breezed in with a sympathetic ear, now, did you, love? "Oh well," you started your post with. As in, "never mind"...

I'm all for welcoming and friendly but show a bit of sensitivity. You're pregnant. The whole reason we are in this section is because we're not, and that feels shit. It feels utterly shit, and to have someone 'try to make us feel better' in the way that this woman did is insensitive and thoughtless.

People really should think before they speak.

And to the person who said "be happy"...you have your child. It's tantamount to telling us to "relax" - another pet peeve.

 

[wishing4bub#3]

I know how you feel i get it from my family. it took 4 years for me to get DD#2 and my own mother told me not to bother one is enough. it hurts so much that i hae not told her we are trying for number 3. I remember when i lost DD1 twin family and friends said it was good because twins are hard i was like WTF!

it just makes it hard to trust you friends with something that is important to you. Thats why i love forums you get to know people in the same boat as you and know how friggin hard it is to hear women getting pregnant in the first week of trying

 

[jacky24]

Awww hun im sorry for all the inconsiderate things someone that calls themself your friend said....
HUGE ...
*good luck on this round of clomid*

 

[buffycat]

it's clear......she doesn't understand how it feels....maybe she was one of the lucky ones who had no problems.......

 

[Ju_bubbs]

That is an awful thing for anyone to say to you, especially a 'friend'!!
A lot of people , including my Gyne, seem to feel the need to tell me that it doens't matter that i cant seem to have another baby coz atleast I already have 3! Yeah, ok... so I'm very lucky to already have 3 children, is that meant to make it easier that I cant get pregnant again without it ending in MC!!?

 

[Lawhra]

What a terrible thing to say to someone. I'm sorry you had to hear that from someone you class as a friend.
Some people really do not know what to say to people who are ttc. Other people are just downright insensitive.
I too have heard some upsetting attempts to "make me feel better" or insensitive remarks and it makes you feel so crappy.
But the ladies on this site who understand are becoming my crutch at the moment. Ignore the people who don't understand, plenty of us here do

 

[buffycat]

wtf?!?!

she obviously has not gone through any of this.....but then then.....surely she would know that that is a really insensitive thing to say?

i'm sorry though....you don't need to hear these sort of things....

 

[lolly101]

silly woman.....

I have a friend and last year she was talking about children and so flippantly said" if I couldnt have children I'd accept it and get on with my life" WWWHHHAATTT says her with 3 healthy children and 1 was a "mistake" She didn't know at the time we had been trying for over 5 years for our number 2 baby..... I just said to her until you are in that situation you have NO idea what it is like so don't comment. She looked at me as if to say "oooh".... that was a thoughtless comment made and like others have said when you conceive easily you have NO idea of the heartache caused each month....big hun..lets hoe soon your 3rd is on its way xxx

 

[Sparklestar]

People are so insensitive!! I can't believe your friend would say that to you, it's not nice, as you say like a millionaire and an eithiopian (sp?) and yes people who have gotten pregnant straight off will never know what its like for people who have really struggled and who are still struggling, its one of those things that unless you've walked the road then you can't possibly know. Big hugs to you and the best of luck xxx