comment today that upset me

[XxxIM08-09xxX]

Yes people can be very insensitive - because they have NO understanding of what it is like to suffer from infertility, secondary or otherwise.

I have a daughter from my first marriage. My DH has raised her as his own and adopted her BUT we have spent 15 years ttc a child together. Miscarriages, ectopics, an emergency laparotomy which i nearly didn't survive, failed IVFs, loss of IVF baby at 12 weeks you name it we've been through it.

If I had a £1 for every time someone said, well at least you've got your daughter, or at least your DH got to bring up your daughter I'd be a millionaire. The whole point is HE hasn't been through a pregnancy or birth with his own child, my daughter doesn't have a brother or sister, and I feel like a total failure cos I was able to have a child with my ex but not with my DH!!! It has been a heartbreaking rollercoaster lasting 15 years.

BUT there is hope for everyone - cos my wonderful friend who agreed to be our surrogate announced yesterday that she is pregnant - and, after 15 years, we are expecting our little miracle.

Never give up hope ladies - where there is a will there is a way - I am proof of that.

 

[Dak]

I think you shouldnt mind your friend sometimes people who have had no losses are not as understanding as you might think. They dont even have time to say "SORRY" when you tell them about your loss. Just be positive and understand her as she might not know how bad it is to ttc for a baby that long. HUGS!!!

 

[ramblinhaggis]

Its not an awful thing to say per se. An awful thing to say would have been you have a girl and a boy, you dont need another child something that was said to me. It sounds to me like she was just trying to make you feel better. When you are long term ttc, its heartbreaking and you are very sensitive, it took me 15 months with my third baby and one miscarriage and i did get the same sort of comments, however i took them how they were intended. Why would your friend want to hurt you?

Anyways, I am sorry that she DID hurt you. I cant imagine how you must feel with 26 months worth of ttc, 15 was hard enough. xx

 

[sleepycat]

Jasmak, I know how you feel. People say stupid things to make you feel better but it has the oposite effect. It seems you and I are in a similar situation. I have a DS11 and a DD7 and have been trying for almost 4 years now. People say things like that and they make you feel horrible. I've heard a few now. The worst was on Friday when I was walking up from the hospital admittance area with my husband and the wardsman. The wardman said to me: "well you obviously aren't comming in here to have a baby", I didn't say anything and had to close my eyes not to cry. I know he didn't mean anything other than, I didn't look 9 months pregnant. I had been 2 months, and was there for a D&C. I felt like saying "No, my baby has died, they have to remove it from my womb", but I didn't. No point sharing the love. After the operation the nurses who wheeled me back up to my room were talking amongst themselves about all the deliveries they had there that night. I pretended I was asleep. People can be really insensitive.

The next morning at the shops this man was pushing his four small children in a shopping trolley. He stopped to look at something and one of the children tried to climb out and overbalanced the trolley, knocking it on it's side. He picked the trolley up than grabbed the offending child by the collar and slapped him twice accross the head and swore at him.

I stood there, my empty uterus contracting down, in pain, staring at this man and wondering why God sees fit to bless people like that with more children and not me. He made a comment about how he was sick of all these kids. So unfair.

 

[hopebaby3]

Been there. For my 1st, i've been trying for 4 years. It really hurts when ppl commented on my inability to conceive and even said that i'm infertile. Cousins got married and got pregnant immediately. One cousin's hubby went and say to my DH in a room full of relatives that he won. DH just kept quiet. This cousin is the 1st one in the family to get pregnant and boy did she really shows it off. She even said to me that she have to be pregnant because she don't want ppl to think that she's infertile. At that time i've been trying for more than 3 yrs. She..4 months. Older relatives keep asking me to touch her belly for luck. In a room full of ppl who are laughing, i wanted to cry and die. DH just hugged me. My parents were not spared too. One aunt (in a full room) said to my Mom & Dad.."i'm so lucky i have my own grandchild."

Yes some people can be really insensitive because they never face this problem.
Jasmak..i hope you'll get that BFP soon. Stay strong.

 

[Farie]

some people just don't get it honey
They don't mean to hurt us, they just don't think long enough before speaking to avoid it.

 

[im_mi]

my SIL is trying for no 2 at the moment and recently had an ectopic pregnancy. we talk about it often and she always feels like she has to justify her need to have another baby (she has a 2 year old), like shes not allowed to be upset that its taking a long time or whatever. I dont understand how anyone can be as insensetive as to say things like "oh, you already have one, feel lucky about that" or whatever. when that baby bug bites, it bites, and you need a baby like yesterday.

 

[DragonMummy]

Someone on here (who shall remain nameless to protect her obvious lack of IQ points) once said to me "it's alright for you, you've already got one"


All I can say is that my reply was in caps! And had lots of words in it that when I pressed "submit" became ********!