Complete lack of drive...


Love My IVF Munchkin
Dec 18, 2007
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Ok, since our m/c I've lost a lot of my sex drive. Is this normal and what can I take to bring it back? Poor DH is so patient but I know he's frustrated too.

I'm taking "horny goat weed" supplement....but it's honestly doing nothing except burning a whole in our wallets.

Part of me thinks I'm just giving up on it all....Although I don't feel as thought i'm giving up...but I can't find another reason for this total lack of drive. :dohh:
sometimes you have to get back to it to get back into it ...i mean sometimes when i know it's time for ovulation and i am tired of doing it or feel like i have to do it i feel like i have no sex drive but when things get started i then don't mind anymore :)
Sometimes i can't be bothered until around ovulation when DH has problems!! BUT i have to remind myself that BD isn't just about making babies, even though in my head it is at the moment, and for DH i "muster" the energy, but not as much as he'd like i think.
I'm hardly ever in the mood. Even during ovulation I can't be bothered. I've never had much of a drive, but I fake it very well.
I think that after what you've been through it must have a knock on effect. I'm struggling with a lack of sex drive too, although our circumstances are different. I am finding that I don't want :sex: anymore as I feel 'what's the use?' I spoke to DH about why I felt that it had got to the stage where :sex: was just about making babies, and that seeing as it wasn't working for us I'd lost my drive. He knows that I haven't gone off him, but just couldn't cope with the 'failure' every month.

I don't know of anyway to get it back again, so would be interested in finding out if you have any success. If I come across a cure, I'll be sure to let you know too hun.

NeyNey ...when i had a mc in mar08...think it took a while 4 me 2realise wot had actually happened, but DH ad no sex drive wot so ever :( we 2tried horny goat weed which was s**t, but then we both started taking MACA everyday, and we both have4 3mth, and the benifits of this is fantastic!! pls pls have a look in2this :):) and u WILL get ur sex drive bk hun honest :)
I lost my sex drive ages ago! After the first 4 years into our relationship, the sex dwindled, i've never had a huge sex drive though.

It seems to come in waves for me. I'll want it everyday for a week then nothing for a month! Poor DH has to take what he can get :lol:

Don't force it though, that doesn't do anything but make you want it less. Perhaps do some nice things together and you might just get in the mood. A nice bath, dinner at a nice restaurant, a massage etc.

You've been through a lot, so don't be hard on yourself about this :hugs:
Someone once said to me that for girls if you dont use it you lose it - and I have always thought this is true - cos the more we do it the more I do enjoy it and and want it and think about it more often.

I know this is way TMI - but around OV time - I tend to manually sort myself out in the morning in the shower - rather than satisfying me it actually has the opposite effect of making me want to feel that good more often - it really gets me in the mood then so that by the evening when DH comes home I am gagging for it.

Also - when i dont want it - but know I have to - if i dress up / put on my nicer undies it really gets me in the mood.

For me - just getting into bed and taking off my clothes does nothing - as much as I love and fancy my DH - for me I have to dress up and do soemthign special to get into the mood.

I have also found watching porn with my DH helps both of us get in the right mood.

My friend also brought me a book called 'the dirty bits for girls' - its basically a book that has all the exceprts in it from racy books like lady chaterleys lover etc..
Its not overly dirty - just enough to make you 'tingly'.

I sometimes read this in bed whilst DH is having a shower - and it always gets me in the mood - so that I jump on him when he gets out.

I dont think i have a high sex drive either and when we werent trying it was about twice a month - however since trying and forcing myself to do it I have found that I also want it more the rest of the month as well.

I did also buy some toys to brign to bed when things strated to drag for us - we both went online to the ann summers website and brought things together - we edned up doing it there and then before we have even pressed order cos it got us excited just discussing it.

So i would say - start by sortign yourslef out more regulalry, buy yourslef some undies / outfits - or go online and buy them together, find some films that you enjoy watching that turn you on, I often on the train on the way home think about things that turn me on to get me in the mood for when I get home, poss look into buying the book I mentioned - or find a book that has something similiar - even a good Jacki collins - that you can read and i really think it might come back cos the more you use it the more you will want it.

Its absolutely understandable why you feel like this sweetie with everything you have been through and I really really hope that you get it back.

Bx x :hugs::hugs:
:hug: Hope things get better for you!

I know that my drive is quite low but I've never turned OH down, and when we are going through the motions I wonder why we don't do it more often.

But it's also understandable as you've been through a lot honey!
Like Beckic said, I tend to find that the more we do it the more I want it.

You have been through so much, it might just take a while you everything to balance out and get back to 'normal' :hugs:
You have been through so much Neyney its emotionally draining which does take effect on you physically - sex is physical! Not only that but you guys have been buying home, packing, moving, unpacking *drop* it's all very exciting but tiring.

The more you worry over what your not doing know :winkwink:

Put the horny stuff away thats just adding pressure of 'well I'm taking this so it must work' ...

Part of your thinking even if you don't know it may be fear.

I hope I have explained myself right I haven't been able to say it in the way I was trying :confused:

:hugs: x x
:hugs: I do understand exactly what you're saying Wobbs.

Thanks girls :hugs:

In fact DH and I spoke of this recently...He thinks I may have a fear of falling pregnant again because of what happened. Never really thought about that until he bought it up. I said I don't feel like that, but he thinks it might be deep, and even I don't realise I'm trying to sabbotage our chances of falling.

I think in a way he's right. I feel like I really really want a baby, but part of me is terrified to even take another chance.....Today I started to spot and I was actually relieved.....Even when I saw it I felt like I should be crying, but I couldn't.

Ahhh I'm screwed up! lol

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