Concerned about leaving her....:( LONG SORRY!!

[Mervs Mum]

I probably shouldnt be worrying about this just yet....

I am going back to work part time in July for a couple of weeks then I break up for the summer hols (cheeky I know!) and in September I'll be back working 3 days a week (mon, tue, wed).

We have registered Hebe with a lovely local independant nursery / school so we have a guaranteed full time place but closer to the time we can decde exactly when she will be going.

My MIL said ages ago she'd like to help us with child care which is lovely of her. We'd said Hebe would probably go to nursery mon and tues and with ther Grandma weds but I'm already a teeny bit concerned about it.

The nursery is local and convienient and my MIL lives past the nursery and my work so the journey wouldnt be exactly easy BUT the nursery is £50 per day so its a decent enough amount to be saving each month for us have to think seriously about it.

MIL is 68. She's a young and fairly fit 68 yr old. She's on her own since FIL died 18 months ago. My SIL and her fell out (SIL is an enormous bitch) so she rarely sees her other grandchildren so I know how much this time with Hebe would mean to her.

We had her over for Christmas and I'm starting to worry that it's going to be too much for her. She sometimes seems all fingers and thumbs with her - I know she's still pretty small but in some ways she's gonna be harder work as she stops staying in one place and starts to want to move around etc. My Mum is 56 and she said she would find having her every week quite tiring but she cant anyway coz she still works.

I dont know. Am I being a typically over concerned Mummy or what? I know I like things doing a certain way and she'd learn but I watched her feeding her (so I could have a couple yesterday )and it was like pulling teeth. Then when she winded her I had to ask her to not bang her back so hard - she wasnt hurting her but even my hubby was .... She's proper old school - I know she thinks I feed her too much or at the wrong times coz she's BF on demand. She thinks I feed her everytime she whinges, which is technically true as she only winges when she needs feeding, but in her day you BF every 4 hrs for ten mins, winded, ten mins other side then let them cry - that aint what I do!!! I cant be doing too bad a job coz she's slept thru since 3 weeks and she's gaining weight exactly as she should be....

God this turned into a rant.....sorry if you got this far and have now lost the will to live...

What do I do - I LOVE my MIL. She's so good to us and I know she very much cares but I dont know if I can leave Hebe with her for a full day every week....

 

[sam's mum]

Is there any way you can both go over there for a day once a week over the holidays or something, just so she can get used to the way you want things done with Hebe (I'd be exactly the same with Sam!) and you can see how she copes with having her for a whole day - you can tell her you're doing it for Hebe to get used to being there and being looked after by someone other than you? x

 

[poppy]

It's a difficult one. Especially as you could save quite a lot of money if your MIL takes her. Maybe book the place at the nursery for three days and then see how things go nearer the time. You could then see how your MIL is doing with her.

I hope you had a good Christmas Lisa!

xxx

 

[nikky0907]

I think Sam's mum has a good idea there,you and Hebe can visit her and you will get more insight on how she handles Hebe and show her what Hebe likes,how you do it and what works.

I have a similar situation.Lola recently started spending Tuesday afternoon with Nathan (and that will continue once she also part-time nursery in July).I wrote every single detail down for him on a paper and observed him (well I also threatened him with bodily harm but obviously you can do that with MIL ).

In the end there's only so much you can do because once you're gone and she's alone with Hebe she's gonna do things on her own the way she likes it,you can only give her a few tips.

The age thing would worry me too,as at 1 year old Hebe will be walking and climbing all over the place,I know that it's gonna be incredibly hard work for me and I'm 19.

xxx

 

[bex]

You've got a little bit of time yet hun, so try not to panic.
Kian used to stay with my mum one day a week and stefs mum one day a week and nursery the rest of the week. I was fine when he was with my mum, but would be on pins all day when he was with stefs mum, she used to do all things i'd ask her not to and things to annoy me. I used to dress kian and when i got home she would have put him something else on.
Like you i work in a school, so you will have hols at least every 8 wks. I'm sure Hebe will be fine with your MIL as she sounds lovely, not like mine!! You could have a few trial runs aswell.

 

[Tezzy]

my mum has ffion on a friday, but then shes only 42 so obviously shes not that old, sometimes she does things i dont agree with, like your mil my mum is quite old fashioned, some of her methods i find a bit ott. but.. its too late for me to turn back, my mum has had ffion every friday for months now and i cant turn around and say i dont want her to have ffion any more.

up to you hun..

i can only offer my experience.

 

[Wobbles]

No advice but hope you manage to sort what is best and helpful for everyone all round

 

[ryder]

Good luck, I do think you should go with Hebe and spend some time with your MIL... its likely been awhile since she has looked after a baby, but she did raise your hubby well... so maybe it might just take a bit to get used to a small one again.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Well I talked to OH about it and he just said not to worry about it just yet - he doesnt want it to spoil the time I do have before I go back. He's very pragmatic about things and said if we're not 100% we just put her in nursery 3 days. We are gonna suggest some trial runs but its funny that OH is saying he thinks she'll do things her way and he'll get pissed off - at least we feel the same! I think my get out so I dont offend will be to say the travel isnt working for us - I wouldnt want to hurt her feelings.

Thanks for the advice girls

 

[FEDup1981]

When i went back to work i left Jack with my MIL, who was also 68 for a couple of days a week. She hadnt had any experience of babies much since having her own, but from the minute jack was born she helped out for a bit so when it was time to leave her with him for a full day she was able to cope.

I would let her have Hebe for an hour or two each week on her own so she can build up her own confidence, and you can gradually trust her, so when July comes you will all be ready. xx

 

[isil]

I'd do as the others have said and let her have trial runs. You never know, she might turn around and say it's too much for her to cope with and she'll make the decision for you. My Mum will have Ally 4 days a week when I go back to uni for 9 weeks. I know she does things slightly differently to I do but at the end of the day I'm confident that Alasdair will be cared for and she will probably wrap him in cotton wool a lot more than I do!