Confused. Hurt. Pregnant.

[BabyMommaChar]

I am 30 weeks pregnant and I just found out that my boyfriend has been having very lengthy conversations with another female. I'm talking about 3-4 hour convos sometimes until 4-5 AM. I am completely devastated and confused. I don't have any idea if they have been hooking up physically or not. I broke up with him anyways and he didn't even try to explain himself at all. I found out by this woman's Facebook that she is also pregnant. I cant help but wonder if that's his child too. Even though we don't live together we spend so much time together i cant even begin to figure out how he had time to have marathon conversations with this rat.

My son will be his first child and he has always said that he didn't want his child to grow up in a broken home and that he wanted us to be a family. I cant understand why or how he could do this to me. We have had our share of arguments throughout my pregnancy but it has never been about infidelity before and i always end up forgiving him because i am so afraid of being pregnant and alone. This time i don't think i can forgive him. He's very selfish anyhow and even though he has been with me physically i still feel very alone. He hasn't been very good with emotional support and hasn't been very attentive either. I still love him and I'm super stressing over this issue. I don't really have any friends i can turn to for advice. Have any of you all ever been in this situation before? I'm so lost and I just need someone to talk to. HELP!!

 

[daneuse27]

I was 'alone' through most of my pregnancy. It is hard being a single parent, but staying with someone out of fear isn't an answer. You should be with someone because you love them and are happy with them, not just because the alternative freaks you out.

I guess its time to hear him out about this woman. I agree the lengthy chats seem very inappropriate. Have you considered contacting and asking her for answers, or sitting your ex down to get the truth out of him? I have a feeling that you might need some sort of closure at the very least, or it will bother you for a long time not knowing what happened or why.

 

[BabyMommaChar]

Thank you for your reply. I did message her but she never responded. As for him he hasn't even tried to contact me in an attempt to explain himself. Its been 3 days!!! Our relationship was already on shaky ground before this. It just seems like I'm the only one fighting for us and he doesn't seem to care that much at all. I know in my heart the best thing is to just let him and this relationship go and once our son is born maybe we can find a civil way to co parent. It just hurts so bad. I'm used to him being here ALL the time and now it's just empty space and lots of free time. UGH.

 

[JJsmom]

I know it's difficult, especially with being pregnant. I will say that even if you think you can't do it, you can. You don't have to have him in your life just to make sure your baby doesn't come from a broken family. It could only end up worse if you stayed with him just because of the baby. I speak from experience. When my oldest son was born, I told his dad I felt like he was still having an affair (I had been informed he had before but forgave him). He told me he would never jeopardize his family. I went back to work and my first day back I got a phone call that he was driving drunk with my son and he was still sleeping around on me. I left him that day and took my son without a second thought. I moved in with my mom and thought, "how in the world can I do this on my own?" He even signed off all parental rights to him. Fast forward almost 10 years later, I have met the man of my dreams who is now the father of my oldest (he will be adopting him soon) and my newest son and I'm now married. Our life has been rough at times, but it has been well worth it! You can do it if you have to, you are strong enough. Always trust your gut feeling and believe in yourself!

 

[daneuse27]

The fact that he isn't showing signs of caring is a huge red flag He should be banging on your door begging to explain himself. The fact that they are both avoiding you sounds very fishy - I'm very sorry you're going through this. I know this is hard, but going through a break up now is much easier than having to do it one day in front of the baby. My FOB and I split up before our daughter was born, and I take comfort in knowing that she will never have to witness her parent's breaking up and separating - which can be very traumatizing for a child to go through.

 

[Dezireey]

Sorry you are going through this at such a vulnerable time. I think the best thing you should do, under the circumstances, is not to contact him or her at the moment to find any answers out. Leave all that until after baby is born. The more you dig, the more information you could find that could cause you terrible stress / break your heart / make you very angry etc.

It's important that you look after yourself and baby as you only have a few more weeks to go. If you get your blood pressure up too high or get too distressed, it can cause problems, so try to bite your lip and sit back and wait it out. You will also be very busy with baby and you will be in a stronger frame of mind when you are back to your normal self. Then you can maybe try and find out what is really going on.

There could be two reasons he has gone quiet on you, firstly, he may just be giving this girl advice or just being stupid and talking to her a lot when he shouldn't and because you are pregnant, he might think you are hormonal dumping him and wants to stay out of your way?

Or, secondly, unfortunately, ( the more likely scenario), something is going on with them and he won't face you about it.

It really is best for you to not contact him and leave him alone. Harass a man and he will go further away from you, trust me. Get yourself all prepared for the birth, make plans and enjoy birth and baby as much as you can.

Hugs, you will be okay, be strong

 

[babycrazy1706]

The ladies have given you great advice, sending you big hugs. Xx

 

[MissRhead]

Hey sorry to hear your situation. I went through similar whilst pregnant with my son. My then OH was a serial cheat, he was in the army so based away and the temptation was to much for him! I forgave him whilst I was pregnant because like you I didn't want my son to have a broken home, I was afraid of doing it alone too. We stayed together then when my LO was around 4 months old I found out he had been and still was seeing someone else, and honestly my son was all the strength I needed to leave him and I've never looked back. My LO is happy, we are both good parents, and better apart. He is now with someone else and admits to me he cheats on her all of the time, it makes me feel like the choice I made to do this alone was the best. Hear if you want to chat x

 

[moomin_troll]

Hugs
First of all don't spend ur time hating this girl, you'll never know what's he's told her. That's not worth ur energy.
I was single with a 2 yr old and pregnant. It is hard being pregnant and by urself, but I didn't feel much difference.

Concentrate on urself and ur baby. Try to enjoy the last weeks of ur pregnancy.

Being with a man who won't even fight for u really isn't worth ur while and ur child doesn't need to see their dad treating their mum like dirt x