Confusing hubby!

[stargirl69]

Yesterday had the following conversation with hubby we had been chatting for a bit before:
Me: 'I wish there was more of an age gap between us.'
Him: 'Why?'
Me: 'Because then you would be older than me and ready for a baby at the same time as me.'
Him: 'I'm ready for a baby now. You just need to convince me that our house will be totally ready and no debts within 9 months.'
Me: 'You're joking!'
Him: 'No. I'm ready. Just need to know that we can afford it'.

He then had to go to work. So I spent the day making big spreadsheets of our finances etc. and things we need to buy for house to prove we could afford it, and still have savings etc. I was so happy!

Then today when he came in from work I said that I had prepared all the stuff for him to see, and he said:

' I just meant that we could try next year as planned. I didn't mean we would start trying soon. I just wanted to make sure we would have everything paid off before we started trying!'

How annoying and confusing and frustrating! Don't you think?!

 

[needausername]

Just replied in your journal. But yes so confusing and frustrating.

 

[stargirl69]

Can't believe I actually thought he'd changed his mind, and spent ages doing all that work yesterday!

 

[faille]

That is confusing.. When you start trying, are you actually going to be "trying" or ntnp? If it's the latter then could you maybe convince him to go with the flow and let nature take it's course..? If it's meant to be, it'll be approach?

If you've proven that you can afford it, why is so adament about waiting still?

 

[stargirl69]

Well next year we would be 'trying'. I've no idea! He used to say that he wasn't ready until yesterday when he said that he was. Then today he said something about 'not preventing' and I was like 'so you want to ntnp?' and then he said 'don't put words in my mouth.' But he was smiling. I'm so confused! But don't want to push it as he can get really moody about it, and I'm not meant to mention ttc until next year!

 

[lozzy21]

Dont worry hun my oh is exatly the same.

 

[stargirl69]

How do you put up with him Lozzy21? Mine drives me crazy when he's like this!

 

[lozzy21]

I tell hes a mind f**k
We are not going to ttc for 2 years but only using the withdrawl method. When i warned him about the chances he said "i wouldent be that botherd if you fell pregnant now. Id just rather wait" i asked him what dose he want to wait for he dident know. I told him he was a pain in the arse and ill remind him of this convo in 6m when i get a bfp.

 

[stargirl69]

I know - why make us wait when they know we want to get pregnant now, and they wouldn't mind if we did fall pregnant. No chance of that for me though - hubby insists on condoms!

 

[faille]

I know - why make us wait when they know we want to get pregnant now, and they wouldn't mind if we did fall pregnant. No chance of that for me though - hubby insists on condoms!

Ah that's a shame, puts him in control lol
If you was on the pill, you could have told him that you've stopped taking it and see what he said lol

 

[stargirl69]

I was on the pill for a long time but came off it to regulate periods and to make ttc easier when time comes. He was ok with that but of course wanted to use condoms.

 

[Blob]

Awww thats gutting I hate when you get the wrong end and you get so exited and then so disappointed

 

[lozzy21]

We did that at first but oh was to lazy to go get some more

 

[stargirl69]

My OH would never not use condoms. He would rather not have sex than not use condoms - still I've got 9 months until we ttc so 9 months to change his mind!

 

[lilmissmup]

Mine is the same too! Bloody pains in the arse!

 

[bubbles]

I know the feeling all too well hun xx

 

[Dixielane]

Can I play the devils advocate here for a moment?

I see alot of women who are really frusterated with their husbands on TTC.. Alot of hubbys give mixed signals.... Saying they are ready, but then always accompanied by some requirements (usually can we afford it?)

Sometimes it really does help the situation, by trying to understand your husband. Us women, while we really do care about the financial situations, we can more freely have faith in the baby situation, knowing "everything will be fine", and we get that urge to have a baby.

Men, alot of times I think are scared of the idea of failing, and not being able to provide. And have a harder time just believing everything will work out. I think its wise to make a set of requirements with eachother that are reasonable - and make a promise together, that those requirements will be fulfilled, and set a date together to begin TTC, and stick to it as long as no other life changing catastrophic event changes things. It may mean setting aside a couple months for him to meet some goals. In the end, if you give eachother respect, it will be alot less stressful and he might be less apt to cringe at the "B" word

Sorry, just wanted to give my .02 (btw, I too understand the frusterations, I've been there!)

 

[Mrs Poppy]

How frustrating for you- you must have been so excited thinking about ttc straight away. Hopefully you can win him round x

 

[DeeDee2009]

he sounds like he's really warming up to the idea, so that's good! and good for you for doing the spreadsheets, even though it didn't help right at the moment..might come in handy soon! men are such interesting characters, aren't they?

 

[stargirl69]

He said today he might think about ntnp around Xmas but not to hold him to it..... so that's good. I think he is starting to warm to the idea as he brought up baby names today (without me mentioning anything about babies).