Considering at-home insemination with donor sperm...?

[Tegans Mama]

hi ladies hope you are all well.

i agree we need our own section. the only thing is, not all the people who are using donors are gay so where do we fit?

afm i recieved my first donation on sunday so am in the 2ww! hope the time goes really quickly. i don't want to get my hopes up too much but according to my chart i timed it perfectly, ovulating on the day of insemination

There's a section called Long Term TTC or assisted conception... The section this thread is in I think.. I think that's where people who need 'assistance' should go.. I'm not sure they can make a section for everybody.

 

[rosie5637]

there are so many aspects to sperm donation though. if it had it's own section it would be much more useful. the threads wouldn't get stupidly long or get lost.
if the majority left for a section solely for the rainbows mummies then the few of us that are left would be left out.
private sperm donation isn't the same as assisted conception iyswim. the only people i've felt i could truely identify with and who are, in the main, going through the same proccess as me are the people on this thread.

 

[Sparklypants]

there are so many aspects to sperm donation though. if it had it's own section it would be much more useful. the threads wouldn't get stupidly long or get lost.
if the majority left for a section solely for the rainbows mummies then the few of us that are left would be left out.
private sperm donation isn't the same as assisted conception iyswim. the only people i've felt i could truely identify with and who are, in the main, going through the same proccess as me are the people on this thread.

I must say I agree with Rosie.... I am straight, so a new section for the gay ladies wouldn't be the section for me...

I think that we should have our own section, a sub forum for donations perhaps.

 

[snagglepat]

For the record, I'm not straight and I think, here at least, we've made a little community for people who use private sperm donation. Sexuality doesn't play a part in it here. Other forums have divided it up into LGBT sections/donated gamete sections and that works too if there's a sufficient volume of users to keep each space vibrant and active. I'm not sure that there are enough of us for that here. Use of known donors, with all that entails is the thing we all have in common and what we need support with. I'd vote for that for now. There's nothing to stop a thread forming within that section for rainbow mummies if we want to start one, but I agree that the new section, here on B&B, should be for those of us using known donors.

Just my 2p worth.

Gina. x

 

[Tegans Mama]

For the record, I'm not straight and I think, here at least, we've made a little community for people who use private sperm donation. Sexuality doesn't play a part in it here. Other forums have divided it up into LGBT sections/donated gamete sections and that works too if there's a sufficient volume of users to keep each space vibrant and active. I'm not sure that there are enough of us for that here. Use of known donors, with all that entails is the thing we all have in common and what we need support with. I'd vote for that for now. There's nothing to stop a thread forming within that section for rainbow mummies if we want to start one, but I agree that the new section, here on B&B, should be for those of us using known donors.

Just my 2p worth.

Gina. x

I was only quoting what SC said to me but I agree, without all the straight ladies this thread wouldn't be the same. Not sure if we will get a section for people using known donors though, since then they would have to make sections for IVF, ICSI, IUI etc etc... Might get a bit out of hand.

The rainbow families area would be gladly received by me though There are issues we face as gay parents that straight people simply don't.

 

[RubyRainbows]

I think an LGBTA section on here would be awesome! I will PM them too about it! I still think this thread, or any donor-related threads, should still be in this section though (assisted conception). Using a donor is an alternative option for gay couples, single moms, & straight couples for many reasons. By the thread staying in this section its accessible to everyone.

Personally, i don't mind that the thread is so long.... There are is so much contained within (advice, pointers, links, suggestions, etc)..... i would hate for all this useful information to get buried & lost!!!!

I love that we have our own little "community" here!

 

[RubyRainbows]

Rosie -- how did the 1st donation go?? Congrats on the perfect timing!!!!

:wave: Hi Zuzana!

 

[Tegans Mama]

I think an LGBTA section on here would be awesome! I will PM them too about it! I still think this thread, or any donor-related threads, should still be in this section though (assisted conception). Using a donor is an alternative option for gay couples, single moms, & straight couples for many reasons. By the thread staying in this section its accessible to everyone.

Personally, i don't mind that the thread is so long.... There are is so much contained within (advice, pointers, links, suggestions, etc)..... i would hate for all this useful information to get buried & lost!!!!

I love that we have our own little "community" here!

I also think the thread should stay in this section, and then everyone is included!! There does seem to be a nice community feel here Argh we're moving house in four days, and Tegan has the worst chest infection ever... She's on antibiotics but isn't getting any better

 

[Nimyra]

Welcome Zuzana!

 

[Tegans Mama]

I am so glad I found you, girls. I joined some time ago and was trying to catch up with the thread, but it's so long... It would be much better, if we got our section, so that we can have different threads for different things. I will write to the admin, as well about this.
I have a lot of questions, some of which you might be able to help me with, some of which probably not But I am glad we can talk on here and gain knowledge from the experienced ones (thanks for that!)! There is so much great information on here!
xxx
Zuzana

Oh and congrats to those, who are pregnant and good luck for the coming months and years! And also good luck to those ttc!

Hello! :wave:

 

[Nimyra]

I agree that the thread belongs here. What matters though is that we are an active community. I'd like if we had a home insemination/ known donor sticky thread with answers to frequently asked questions (in addition to this thread). - the first post could be a list of questions and successive posts could be answers from different people.

For the record, I'm queer-identified, but married in a heterosexual relationship. Go figure I'd end up needing a donor anyway!

 

[RubyRainbows]

I agree that the thread belongs here. What matters though is that we are an active community. I'd like if we had a home insemination/ known donor sticky thread with answers to frequently asked questions (in addition to this thread). - the first post could be a list of questions and successive posts could be answers from different people.

For the record, I'm queer-identified, but married in a heterosexual relationship. Go figure I'd end up needing a donor anyway!

How ironic!!

I LOVE your idea of a sticky thread with FAQs!

 

[RubyRainbows]

Ethical question: Would it be wrong to use two different donors in the same month?? Has anyone else done this?

I have plans to meet one potential donor in a few days & now another donor got back in touch with me & stated that he has gotten his blood work back & is ready to proceed....

Part of me is like... hell yeah... two chances is better than one........ plus we're already driving an hour to the hotel, why not stay two nights instead of one??

We are signing an agreement that there will be no future involvement, although i said i would be willing to send pictures.........

But then we wouldn't know which guy fathered the baby, if pregnancy is achieved...... Plus the baby wont know which guy is the biological father.......



Thoughts? Opinions?

 

[Nimyra]

well, Lizzie uses multiple donors every month. I probably wouldn't personally because i'd want to know which donor was the biological father and i'd probably feel compelled to tell the donors I was using two of them (which most donors aren't keen on). If those things don't bother you though, I say go for it.

 

[LunaBean]

Ruby I've sometimes used a few donors a month (3 at one point lol), but they all knew about each other, and were all agreed that there would be no contact with the baby afterwards. I did think 'What if I want to know who he dad is further down the line), but I figured, people who have 2/3 one night stands and end up pregnant don't know, so at least I'm doing it ethically! (although some people have a problem with it, but it's my personal choice)

I ended up using 3 because each donor could only travel to our house once per cycle, so it was either use one donor and have one donatation a month and probaly take 3 years to get pregnant, or use 3 and have 3 donations! I did get pregnant each time I used more than one (but also months I only used one). Us donor users do have a disadvantage, as most of us can only have one try per cycle, where-as most people BD everyday leading up to ovulation! Figured Id up the odds abit!

As for getting a new section, I think this thread is fine where it is in assisted conception so everyone can use it, but I do still feel we need a gay parenting/ttc etc part, because we do have different issues/problems than heterosexual people/couples, not just regarding parenting, but things in general, so it would be nice to have our own bit, like the teen parents etc! I was actually surprised there wasn't one already when I joined the site, since most other sites have one, even if there aren't many people using it!

 

[snagglepat]

Interesting dilema Rosie! It's got to be down to you at the end of the day. I'm with Em though, personally I'd want to know who the donor of my baby was, partly for myself but mostly for the future child. For us, the primary reason for using a known donor was so that our child(ren) would know about their biological heritage and not have any questions growing up. Obviously, this wouldn't work if you had to say it might be him or him - unless they were very obviously different, like two different racial backgrounds so that you'd know when your baby was born whose sperm had won the race.

But that's just us. If this isn't so important to you then it might well improve your chances. Having to email sets of photos to two different maybe donor-dads might get tricky long term though...

Tough call. Sorry, I have no useful answer for you. You could alternatively switch month by month who you used, then you get the benefit of two different donors whilst still knowing which it was when you get that BFP.

Good luck!

Gina. x

Em - I'm loving the irony of your situation too. And I love it when outside appearances get blown out the water. I'm very strongly bi-identified, but in a monogamous partnership with a lesbian. To the outside world we're a happy little lesbian family but I do enjoy getting to out myself as something other than L every now and again.

 

[Sparklypants]

Ethical question: Would it be wrong to use two different donors in the same month?? Has anyone else done this?

I have plans to meet one potential donor in a few days & now another donor got back in touch with me & stated that he has gotten his blood work back & is ready to proceed....

Part of me is like... hell yeah... two chances is better than one........ plus we're already driving an hour to the hotel, why not stay two nights instead of one??

We are signing an agreement that there will be no future involvement, although i said i would be willing to send pictures.........

But then we wouldn't know which guy fathered the baby, if pregnancy is achieved...... Plus the baby wont know which guy is the biological father.......



Thoughts? Opinions?

I was offered the opportunity to do this, but after speaking to my family about it, it really isn't a great idea.

I think this situation is going to be hard enough as it is... explaining who their father is and how they were created.... but to say it could be one of two men would just be heartbreaking for that child I think.

I really wouldn't do it....

If you are having trouble choosing which donor to use on a permanent basis then I would absolutely go for my gut instinct everytime.

x

 

[rosie5637]

Rosie -- how did the 1st donation go?? Congrats on the perfect timing!!!!

:wave: Hi Zuzana!

it went as well as it could i think. i was worried beforehand cause my mate who said he'd be with me for safety let me down. i had to go and ask my neighbours! they were brill though.

my donor was really lovely and better looking in real life!

it was awkward but i expected that.

the actual insemination was easy but i felt a bit queasy tbh hope it works so i don't have to do it again


i'm not sure what i would do in your position re two donors.
it would be so tempting to use both but i think i'd want to know for sure who the father was.

my donor can't do october and i was thinking of using someone else as a one off for that month but i'm stil not sure. i wouldn't have the problem of not knowing which donor was successful but i almost feel like i would be being a little disloyal to my donor.

it's a tough one

 

[Sparklypants]

So glad it went well for you Rosie.

Will be keeping my fingers crossed for you ! x x

 

[snagglepat]

Glad it went well Rosie. The ickiness factor does get easier to stomach after a little bit, but hopefully you won't have to find that out.

I know how you feel about loyalty to your donor. We chose our donor for lots of reasons, including his personality, so although we don't have much of a 'relationship' at all it was still important for us to be able to hold him in some kind of special regard. He was going to father our kids after all.

How are you feeling Sparkly? Any symptoms kicking in yet?

Gina. x