constantly worried about SIDS

[Googiepie]

Okay, ladies. I know most of my posts are me being paranoid...overly paranoid. Since Yasmina was born, I'm constantly thinking and worrying about SIDS. It's driving me crazy. I take all the precautions. I follow all the guidelines. I hate this feeling. I can't enjoy spending time with her or anything because I worry so much. Anyone else with this problem? Advice?

 

[AK89]

Aww hun You're right, most of your posts ARE about your paranoia! Don't worry though, it's perfectly normal, and it does get better.. Did you ever end up going to the doctor about your suspected PND?? I think you'd really benefit from it. The constant worrying is one of my major symptoms. Although I'm feeling a lot better lately..

 

[Googiepie]

I have an appointment with her on Tuesday. I know I sound crazy sometimes but I don't really have anyone I could confide it. I do have my parents but they just say I'm crazy and don't want to talk about it. I just need to vent sometimes. Sorry ladies!!

 

[StranjeGirl]

Welcome to motherhood! Dd is now 3 and I still put my hand on her chest every night before bed to make sure she is breathing! I have the angel care monitor. I used it til dd was 19 months and now use it with dd2. It gives me peace of mind at night. I'm a paranoid person too so I really feel for you! It stinks! But it's easier with the second. You don't have as much time to worry and the fact that dd1 turned out fine helps me not worry as much about dd2. I didnt have pnd and was still paranoid, so it may or may not be a symptom. I hope it gets better for you!

 

[StranjeGirl]

Just noticed you have 2 and are still paranoid! It's gotta get better at some point. Push yourself to stay positive! (I know, easier said than done)

 

[Googiepie]

It's gotten easier with Mia. I do check up on her still although we bed share so it's much easier. However, this time around I feel like my worry and stress is a lot worse than it was the first time around. Not sure why. I do have a doctors appointment on Tuesday so we will see what my doctor has to say. I have to try and relax. I was gonna get a monitor but Yasmina is in the room with me so not sure if there's a point to it.

 

[Snufflepop]

I was the exact same! Constantly checking on my dd to make sure she was ok. It's only now she is getting older that I am less paranoid but I still check on her a lot. We had a monitor called a Snuza which was the only reason I got any sleep for the first 6 months. It clips onto a baby's nappy and monitors every time they take a breath. If it doesn't detect a breath after 15 seconds it vibrates to rouse the baby, if after a further 5 nothing happens it alarms so that you can check them. It is a bit like the anglecare monitor but without the wires and mat. It saved my sanity and was the only way I could sleep. We are expecting no 2 now and I will be using it again.

 

[_Meep_]

^ Seconded. I am the same, so we use a breathing pad (Axminster Babyminder) connected to an alarm under her mattress. It was mine when I was a baby, but it still works fine! It makes a quiet tick every time she breathes so if I wake in the night, I know she's still breathing and don't have to check. I can also sleep easier knowing that if she DID stop breathing, that alarm would scream and I could do something, rather than wake up the next day to an awful, appalling tragedy. I don't even want to think about it.

It's saved my life really - there is no way I would ever rest without it.

 

[Googiepie]

I think I'm going to look into a monitor. I think that would put my mind at ease.

 

[_Meep_]

It definitely will. My dad likes to tell me a story about the time he had to suck and spit from my nose (gross!) when I was a baby because I had a horrible cold and set my alarm off one night. Who knows - if it wasn't for that monitor, I might not be here!

 

[Googiepie]

_meep_ that's so scary. I don't know why this has me so worried. I wasn't like this with my first. I think it's also that people have been telling me negative things about her sleeping through the night. *sigh* I'm just at my wits end.

 

[_Meep_]

Honestly, you're not the only one. I am the same. This is my first baby, but I'm not sure I'd be any better with my second if I had one.

Soon after my daughter was born, she developed a bit of nappy rash from pooping constantly. I was convinced she had a serious form of flesh-eating dermatitis, until I started using Sudocrem and it cleared up almost instantly. While jiggling her gently, at four weeks, she was a little bit sick and I became terrified I had caused shaken baby syndrome! Before she was three months old, I had already paid to have her examined by a private paediatrician for an incredibly rare eye cancer I was convinced she had. When she developed breastfeeding problems, I did too much Googling and convinced myself she had cerebral palsy and couldn't swallow properly. I'm still worrying about that now, even though she's not missed a single milestone and is getting ready to walk any day now. I watch her constantly for 'signs' that essentially aren't even really there. Googling has been my downfall.

I don't know why I'm like this, but I think it has to do with being aware that there is so much that can go/be wrong. It happens to other people, so why not to me? The only plus is that if there really WAS a problem, I know I would notice it straight away.

My anxiety is extreme, and I hope yours won't become as bad. Just rest assured I often feel like I am at my wits' end from all the worry, so you're not alone!

I say definitely get a monitor, so that SIDS is one less thing to worry about!

 

[lian_83]

I used to be paranoid during the first few months, but then I heard this theory that SIDS has a genetic link. Basically, it's a faulty gene arrangement that regulates the brain's conciousness, so nothing can really be done. The paranoia just consumes me, and when you think about how life is it in a 3rd world country with kids surviving, maybe that's true.

My son's head was gettting a bad flattening because of this SIDS paranoia, he also cannot sleep well, and neither can I. So, I followed my parents advice, gave him a pillow, threw a blanket on top of him, and finally our family has enjoyed life once again.

 

[Googiepie]

Lian_83 the paranoia can be so overwhelming and it's so hard to enjoy yourself or the day with all the negative thoughts always consuming me.

I saw my doctor today and was basically shrugged off with a yeah that's part of being a mom and you're okay. Now I feel like an idiot for going.

 

[lam_76]

I also used a snuza go monitor that clipped onto lo's nappy. It completely saved my sanity and was the only way i got any sleep. I stopped using it when lo was about 10 months as he was moving about so much that the monitor would come off and set the alarm off. I am co-sleeping with lo and still contantly check him through the night to make sure he's still breathing!

 

[Cattia]

Lian_83 the paranoia can be so overwhelming and it's so hard to enjoy yourself or the day with all the negative thoughts always consuming me.

I saw my doctor today and was basically shrugged off with a yeah that's part of being a mom and you're okay. Now I feel like an idiot for going.

I'm sorry to hear that your Dr was like this. Yes, it's normal to worry being a parent, but there is a big difference between normal worry and having an anxiety problem. I can relate to all the posts in this thread. My anxiety has been a problem for years, long before I had children. At the moment it is pretty under control and so far I haven't been too worried about DD2 but I'm sure her time will come! I've been really bad with it in the past. When my DD1 was born I used to spend HOURS googling about SIDS and working out the statistical chance of it happening to her in order to try to reassure myself that it wasn't that likely (this only made me feel worse by the way). There are a stack of other things that I've worried obsessively about over the years.

When I was pregnant I spent half my life researching the risks associated with vaccines in pregnancy. I decided not to have them as I was too paranoid, so then spent the rest of the time worrying what would happen if I got one of the things I hadn't been vaccinated against. I don't know how you feel about taking medication, but anti depressants have been a BIG help to me in the past. Needless to say I've always been too paranoid to take them whilst breastfeeding (even though they are considered safe). It's a hard thing to deal with and I totally sympathise with you ladies.

 

[BrittRashel]

I used to be really paranoid too but I think I managed to compartmentalize my paranoia. It's still in the back of my head but it's not crippling like it used to be. Granted my kid is 6 so I have had plenty of time to figure this out but I remember being so worried all the time that it was hard to even breathe sometimes. I think it just takes time and experience to get past it. I know that doesn't help you now but I promise, it does get easier!

 

[RaspberryK]

I strongly disagree with your doctor I would go back and see someone else or contact your hv/midwife.
I follow safe practices with my children as far as is reasonably practicable.
I don't however worry unnecessarily about things over which I have little control.
I too believe that true SIDS is one of those things that we are either have a predisposition to, or not.
Xx

 

[Bunnikins]

Get a monitor! I was absolutely PETRIFIED of SIDS.. to the point it was just never off my mind. I couldnt have survived without my monitor and wouldnt have got a wink of sleep without one. I had it even when they were laying next to me in my bedroom.
I still have it on now on my 13 mth old.. take it on holiday and everything

 

[mayacat]

Get another Dr. If you're consumed with worry about your baby and not enjoying your time with her, get at least a second opinion.

I'm a worry-wort about a lot of things. I over-plan, over-google and over-worry over a lot of things, but it comes and goes. I had an anxiety problem a few years ago that needed medication to get me on track, and it helped. I'm now back to my normal worrying-self. There's a HUGE difference between just worrying and being in a constant state of it. Despite being a worry-wort, I don't worry all the time and find lots of time to enjoy my DD and the rest of life as it is. SIDS crosses my mind on a daily basis (4-5 times a day sounds about right...basically whenever she's sleeping), but I don't dwell on it.

You know how your own mind works though. If you feel you're worrying more than you should be, and especially if it's worse with this baby than your first, don't be ashamed to be an advocate for yourself. It's a shame that the Dr didn't pick up on your concern when you went, but don't feel dumb for going in. You did the right thing.