Contemplating when to try again.

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by cleckner04, Sep 27, 2008.

  1. cleckner04

    cleckner04 ✭Emma & Rylan's Mama✭

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    Well I haven't really told my story yet on here. It is really pretty simple. DH and I tried for two months and got pregnant quickly. We were so excited but in the back of my mind I kept thinking that it was all too easy. Sure enough I started bleeding at 9 weeks while on vacation. Rushed to the hospital only to find that the baby had stopped developing at 6 weeks and probably never even had a heartbeat. I was admitted into the hospital overnight and I opted to have a D&C the very next morning just to get it over with. This all happened August 29 & 30. Emotionally I am working my way through it all. My biggest fear is that I can't even have kids. I have no previous children. I know it is unrealistic as it was only one miscarriage but the fear is still there. I am still waiting for AF but I am hoping it comes within the next two weeks or so. My question is this. I have read many sites and had several opinions from different doctors but if I wait for only one cycle, what are my chances of losing the next baby? No one person seems to have the same opinion but I don't want to increase my chances of miscarrying. Is it okay to only wait for one AF or should I wait the obligatory three months? I feel ready to move on. I've pretty much come to terms with what happened and I definately don't want to replace my first baby but at the same time I can think of nothing but babies lately. I would give up everything I own if it meant I could have a baby. :blush: Right now I'm scared to even let my DH near me in fear that I will get pregnant before :witch:! I just don't want to hurt my chances of a healthy pregnancy and baby. Sorry I am rambling a bit but I figured I would get general opinions. Thanks for reading!
     
  2. Alexas Mommy

    Alexas Mommy Well-Known Member

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    sorry for your loss. i think the suggested three months is just to grieve. i think you will know personally when you are ready to start trying again. as for worrying that you cannot conceive a healthy baby, that is normal to think. also, it is very common for a woman to miscarry her first child, in fact, many women mc without even knowing they were pregnant. i am sure you will get pregnant with a healthy baby soon enough. good luck! :hug:
     
  3. todteach

    todteach Dreams can come true

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    Hi hun. Big :hug:. I am so sorry for your loss. I also miscarried my first pregnancy (in May of this year). I am currently waiting for a catscan before I can become pregnant again. *this is due to other reasons, unrelated to pregnancy, that I won't get into here*

    Lots of women do have miscarriages, and go on to have normal pregnancies. It is just one of those "rip your heart out into little pieces" things that unfortunately happens, and i'm sorry that you are going through this. You will be able to have children, I'm sure of it.

    My mom had a miscarriage at four months right before becoming pregnant with me, she didn't even wait for her next period. My mother in law had a miscarriage three months before conceiving my husband. Not something that either of them shared with us, before we started trying for our family. Miscarriages seem to be something that few people talk about, until they realize that it has happened to you. Then all of these people that you've known for years seem to come out of the woodwork.

    A healthy pregnancy will happen for you. As far as timing, I would probably wait until you have had your period, so your doctor will be able to figure out your due date easily. Whether you decide to get pregnant soon or not, is ultimately you and your OH's decision.

    If you are worried about miscarrying again, if becoming pregnant within the first three months, talk to your own doctor about this, (or wait the three months, if you will feel more relaxed). Realistically, when we become pregnant again, we will all be basket cases, worrying about every little symptoms we experience, or don't experience. So glad my doctor told me that she'll be doing earlier scans with me next time around.

    Take care of yourself hun. Big :hug: to you and your OH. Sending you my love.
     
  4. cleckner04

    cleckner04 ✭Emma & Rylan's Mama✭

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    Thanks so much. Just hearing stories about others that have been through it and move on to have kids makes me feel hope that it will happen for us. I have my days where I feel like I can conquer anything and that I will be fine but today is one of those days that I just feel somewhat hopeless to the whole process. I always thought pregnancy would be this magical thing. And it was for what short of time that it lasted, but than it turned into my worst nightmare. Now, the waiting is what is killing me.
     
  5. SianMA

    SianMA Mum to Ryan TTC#2

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    Hi there, sorry to hear of your loss. I was in a similar position - had an mc @ 6 weeks back in august and had all the same worries about trying again. I am now CD10 in my frst cycle after the miscarriage and we're TTC.

    I was told that it is adviseable to wait at least one cycle as there is a slighly higher chance of miscariage right afet a mc and it also helps with dates etc. but that really you should try whenever you are ready emotionally, whether that is two weeks, two months or two years!

    Good luck whatever you decide.
     
  6. charliesmom

    charliesmom Dad, daughter, 2 chis

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    I know exactly what you're going through. The first time we tried, we got pregnant immediatley, and I thought it was way too easy. Then 12 weeks later, I m/c'ed. I thought something was punishing me for feeling too smug about it. Anyhow, we waited 3 months (2 regular cycles) to try again, in order to give enough rest for my uterus. Got pregnant after 2 months of trying, but... unfortunately, I've m/c'ed again (still bleeding now). This NEXT time, we're only going to wait for 1 cycle, then we're trying again. I think it really depends on your own body. I have a really good feeling that my m/cs were mostly due to random genetic problems and not my uterus *crossing fingers and knock on wood*, because they happened at different times and were both very different miscarriages.

    I'm dying to have a baby to hold. October 20, 2008 was my first due date, so October is going to be a really really tough month for me. Life isn't fair. :(

    On another note, my coworker got pregnant 2 weeks after her DnC and had a beautiful baby girl. Then the next baby was concieved 2 months after she gave birth to the first (they don't use birth control)... and bled all through the first couple of months (she thought it was post birth bleeding lol) but ended up having a healthy 9 months. You really can never tell. I sum it up to: different bodies, different experiences.
     
  7. WelshGirl

    WelshGirl Mummy at last!!

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    Hi hun,

    Firstly, I want to send some :hugs: and say how sorry I am for your m/c.

    Secondly....here's my story. It is different from what you have been through, but may help you in some way.

    In August last year, I got pg.....apart from morning sickness, it was all so straightforward. Like you, it all just seemed way too easy and too good to be true. On January 21st, when I was 28+3 I went to hospital as I hadn't felt the baby move much. We were told his heart had stopped. 2 days later, our son was Stillborn at 28+5.

    We were given so many different opinions on when it was physically 'safe' to try again, and we heard all sorts - from saying staright away was fine, to one person saying we had to wait a year.

    When we got our little boy's post mortem results, we discussed trying again with our consultant. She said that once you've had on AF, that there is no reason you can't try straight away. The only reason for waiting for AF is so they can date your PG better tho.....

    If you want to talk it about it all any more, please PM me.....Having gone through a loss, then falling pg again, I may be able to offer you some more support & advice xxxx
     
  8. cleckner04

    cleckner04 ✭Emma & Rylan's Mama✭

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    Thank you so much everyone. I'm so glad I have this website to come to for support. Why does it always seem like the women that desperately WANT babies are the ones that lose them? I get sick to my stomach seeing women that don't even want to get pregnant and they drink and smoke through pregnancy and still have a healthy baby. Doesn't seem fair. Having this forum makes me feel so much less alone in all of this though. I am keeping my fingers crossed that AF comes soon because I don't think I can wait any more.
     
  9. Omi

    Omi A Mummy At Last!

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    Hiya, so sorry for your loss btw. I had a mmc and d&c too this year.

    Just wanted to add that i was told i could ttc right away, in the hospital In fact, i was told the only reason docs suggest waiting for one af is that its easier to date the pg- however, thats nil and void these days as you get a dating scan anyway. I was also told not to worry about another mc as the body will only get pg if it can sustain another pg. The 3 months etc...thats like you've heard..for grieving purposes.

    I started ttc right away and to be honest i think it helped me getting over the mc as i was back to (somewhat..but you know what i mean :)) what i was doing before i got pg..back on the road instead of this awful limbo and a void where i easily could have filled the grand canyon. For me it was better to obcess about ttc than the mc and i think its really helped me.

    Go with your heart, is my advice to you, and good luck, hun!!

    :hug:, Omi xxx
     
  10. JJF

    JJF Finished at 3

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    Hi Cleckner-so sorry for your loss, sadly I've had 3 MC but I do have two beautiful children (as you can see from my avatar pic :) I wasn't TTC when I had the first MC so didn't try again right away. I had MC #2 In Jan of 2004, did NOT wait for my AF, tried to get prego right away and I did, and had my beautiful boy. My early pregnancy had a few minor issues, possible from not waiting but as you can see it didn't affect the outcome. I had my #3 MC in July of this year, tried again right away but still waiting for me bfp :( I think if I were you, and you seem to feel ready, I'd go for it and not bother waiting for your AF. Sometimes it feels like a marathon trying to get our bfps' and if it takes you longer to get prego this time around, I'd hate to see you miss out on a month you can try, does that make sense?

    Good Luck and PM if you want to talk more :)
     
  11. cleckner04

    cleckner04 ✭Emma & Rylan's Mama✭

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    Thanks so much everyone!! I honestly don't know what I would do without all of the supportive women on this site. I know very few women in person that understand what I'm going through so I'm glad I can come here even to just vent. But I actually have very good news today. :witch: decided to show up!!! It only took 4 weeks and 4 days after the D&C! SOOO no more waiting because I am going to have my baby no matter what it takes. :happydance: I want this so bad it hurts so please keep your prayers running my way that this next one can be a sticky bean. :blush:
     
  12. Jessa

    Jessa Guest

    That's great news! I mentioned on another thread a day or two ago that the first time AF arrives after a m/c, it's absolutely wonderful!

    I had a m/c on August 11th (unfortunately that date is also our wedding anniversary...) at about 7 weeks. Like you, we got pregnant right away - the very first month after I stopped taking the birth control pill. My doctor said that we could start trying again as soon as we felt emotionally ready. We tried before AF, but it's hard because I had no idea where I was in my cycle. AF came and went last week, so I'm right in the middle of ovulating right now. Hopefully we get pregnant this month and it sticks.

    Start trying again whenever you and your OH feel ready. Good luck!
     
  13. cleckner04

    cleckner04 ✭Emma & Rylan's Mama✭

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    Aww. Good luck to you too!! :dust: Your way!!
     
  14. doc123

    doc123 pregnant first tri

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    hey cleckner...sorry you are having a hard time thinking about trying again.. we have had the same feelings too but are trying again this cycle again as af came quickly and we cant really take a longer break for financial reasons but have worked through if we should put it off much longer to allow us time but we are ready to try again i think...

    i guess there is never a right time.. biologically you can try again asap as long as you've had your af.. some people get pg straight after their mc anyway and they are fine so i guess as soon as you like you can try.. you just have to go with your heart and decide what is right for you and the best for both of you when you are strong enough...the sadness doesnt leave after my first mcs the pain is still there and i know the 3rd mc will stay with me much longer as the circumstances are different...but i cant wait as i'm getting older i'm worried about my fertility and its a hard call..

    good luck with whatever decision you make!! fingers crossed when you ttc girl....come over to ttc and chat when you start.. problem shared is always a problem halved and everyone will support you .. and as everyone who has shared their positive stories shows there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel!!!!!
     

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