Contraception talk age?

[hellohefalump]

My girl (10) is growing up faster than I'd like.... she already has wide hips, a bum and little boobies. She wears make up and cares about her appearance. It's not an issue yet but in a year and few months she will be starting secondary school. She might get a boyfriend...

I DO NOT want to find myself with a pregnant 12yr old.

At what age should we have the condom talk? I don't think we're ready just yet but it's going to be an issue. She is very pretty and has the body to go with it!

I believe that young teens have sex no matter what their background. She's a nice girl with good morals but she could get caught out.

 

[Zephram]

There's no reason you shouldn't have a factual conversation with her about it. I'm pretty sure I knew about contraception at age 10 and I wasn't even remotely developed or interested in boyfriends at that age.

 

[george83]

If your worried then have the conversation now. You can do it in a factual way and ensure she knows the consequences and then as she gets older you can more appropriate conversations about relationships

 

[Sarahcake]

Honestly as somebody who has worked in a&e and had multiple early teen girls come in complaining of stomach pain only to watch them give birth and be completely shocked about that as they didn't know what could happen, I would actually say to any mum of girls, do it as early as possible.

It's embarrassing, it's scary and they will think it's gross, but they will be informed and there will be less chance of it happening x

 

[Wannabe Mommy]

Do it now, period talk too if you haven't had it. I got my period when I was 11, had never had any talks with my mum, had a vague idea what was going on and was very embarrased about the whole thing. I learnt about contraception at school, never at home and never felt comfortable enough at school to ask the questions I needed to ask.

You can start with the real basics, stick to appropriate touching and how important it is to let you know if she ever has a boyfriend or wants to know more.

 

[Babybump87]

I will be having the talk with my girls soon as I think they are able to understand. I will also have the period talk so they understand what's going to happen and why etc so they don't get too worried our scared .

I never had a conversation about sex or periods or contraception with my mum it usually came from my older sister therefore never felt comfortable around the subject . I want my girls to be open with me and talk to me in a way I could never with my mum .

Your daughter seems a mature young girl so maybe you could have a slight chat with her now just to maybe lay the ground for a deeper conversation

Hope your chat goes well ! I'm lucky my girls are only pre school age ! D

 

[MindUtopia]

Do you know what they are doing at school? If she's already getting some sexual health education, which I suspect she would be by 10, then I would also definitely be having that conversation now. I work in sexual health (though not in education, I'm a researcher) and personally I don't think there is really ever an age that's too early as long as you do it in an age appropriate and thoughtful way. I've certainly talked about how babies are made with my 4 year old, though she's too young for much more than that. But I would just piggyback on whatever conversations you know she is already having at school and generally just keep it an ongoing and open conversation rather than a one-off event. That way, as she grows, you can keep talking about it and she can come to you with questions when she has them and ask for any help if she needs it. But yes, I don't think that's too young at all. Certainly, I remember we talked about it all in school from when I was probably 8 or 9 ish?

 

[lau86]

I am planning the kind of approach that mind utopia has gone for. I don't plan on any sit down talks, If it doesn't come up I'll bring it up in a casual way. I don't want it to be a big thing. Each parent knows best how to approach it with their child

 

[SarahBear]

I think it would be fine to talk about it now.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

We have spoken about it at home over dinner (lol) my son is 13 and daughter 11. She knows my hatred of hormonal contraception and i have worked with menstrual cycles for 3yrs so she knows she will be tracking hers too x

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Why havent you already???

 

[Eleanor ace]

Why havent you already???

Perhaps she didn't feel it was appropriate for her child up until this point?

OP, we have had small discussions with our older 2 children (5 and 4) recently, as DH got a vasectomy so it came up organically. We explained the purpose of the vasectomy (to stop DH from being able to have any more babies) and that there are other ways people can stop having babies on a short term basis. They weren't particularly interested and the conversation didn't progress past that, but I will continue to build on it when the opportunity arises- when they see condoms in a shop, when I buy sanitary protection for my DD's, when teen pregnancy comes up on TV etc.

Could you perhaps look for an age appropriate TV show, comic, story etc that your DD could read/watch and then you could discuss it together; how the characters felt, the difficulties they faced, what they could have done to prevent pregnancy and infection (contraception and support)? That might help with any embarrassment either of you may feel, as it's talking about another person, rather than your DD (it's easier to say "Do you think things would have been different for Sabhya if she had talked to her mum about being sexually active? Do you know how Sabhya could have got contraception?" Rather than "where would you go if you wanted to choose contraception?") and then you can bring it round to her when you've eased into the conversation, like "I know it can feel a bit uncomfortable talking about this stuff, but I want you to know that you can always talk to me about sex, contraception and your emotions; you're growing up and it's OK to talk about things that seem more adult" e.g.

 

[hellohefalump]

Thankyou Eleanor ace x

We haven't already because I don't expect my ten year old to be having sex just yet!

 

[Rags]

Ds had just turned 6 when the subject of contraception first came up - a topic on a radio programme I was listening to, and he asked what it was. I've always answered him honestly (and in language appropriate to his age at the time) so he knows how babies are made, how the sperm gets where it's going etc. When I explained the basics of contraception and why it's used he was a little confused - 'but surely mum the best way to stop making a baby is not to put your sperm into a women in the first place'. I've now gone into a bit more detail about it not only being about stopping pregnancy but also infections and also that it's easy to say 'don't put the sperm into a women' but that it may not be that easy when he's older and emotions are involved too.

I think I understand the fear that a lot of parents have when it comes to the whole reproduction thing, this said when it comes down to it it's a really interesting biology subject and before the whole emotional side of it kicks in getting the scientific facts across at least gives a foundation to work with.

 

[hellohefalump]

WEll we had the talk! I'm glad we did. I asked her if she knew what sex was. She didn't! So I had to explain that first. Then we talked about sperms and eggs. Then we talked about how when you have sex you can get pregnant. This was news to her! So we then talked about condoms. After I told her she could always talk to me about this stuff if she has any questions and I told her that if she did get pregnant I wouldn't be angry if she told me.

She didn't seem traumatised or in any way fased about what we talked about. It all went very smoothly.

Thanks everyone here for the good advise!

 

[Eleanor ace]

It sounds like you did an awesome job .
It might be useful to get her a book (or better yet take her to the book shop to choose one she likes) about sex, so that if she wants to check any info out she can. I know when I learnt about sex I had loads of questions but didn't want to ask about every little detail 10 times a day

 

[Rags]

WEll we had the talk! I'm glad we did. I asked her if she knew what sex was. She didn't! So I had to explain that first. Then we talked about sperms and eggs. Then we talked about how when you have sex you can get pregnant. This was news to her! So we then talked about condoms. After I told her she could always talk to me about this stuff if she has any questions and I told her that if she did get pregnant I wouldn't be angry if she told me.

She didn't seem traumatised or in any way fased about what we talked about. It all went very smoothly.

Thanks everyone here for the good advise!

That's brilliant, and I bet a huge relief to you? She'll probably come back to you on and off over the next while to clarify things but at least it will be you she speaks to and even if she hears anything from friends she now knows the truth.