Coping emotionally after a c-section

[shambaby]

I had a c-section with my first baby due to failed induction, his head was high and he was in an oblique position due to polyhydramnios. I had some problems (pain during the section, and readmission to hospital with an endometrial infection, and raging mastitis due to feeding problems) and this, on top of the fact that I really had the blinkers on throughout my pregnancy and wasn't prepared for complications, made my emotional recovery very difficult. I cried A LOT and felt like a total failure - I failed to give birth properly, then I failed to heal properly and to feed my baby properly. The pain and exhaustion of the recovery definitely made these feelings harder to cope with, and it was months before I started to feel better about it.

Now, I am pregnant with baby #2 and was planning to have a nice, straightforward pregnancy and a nice, normal vbac. Then, just over a week ago I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and that has gone out of the window. My consultant doesn't want me to go beyond my due date, which would ordinarily mean induction at 39 weeks, but since I had a section that isn't an option. So, unless I go into spontaneous labour I will be booked for an elective section at 39 weeks. I have no issue with his recommendations, and agree with the plan, but I am worried about how I will feel this time around. I'm hoping the operation and the recovery will go better this time, but scared of the same things happening again. At least this time around I will have time to mentally prepare myself, but I'm not sure that will stop me from feeling like a failure - if I don't go into labour, then again I will have failed to give birth properly. We only intend to have the 2 babies, plus I know a vbac isn't recommended after 2 sections, so whatever happens this is most likely my last chance to experience labour and birth, and I am sure that if it doesn't happen I will feel cheated and robbed of the experience.

The stupid thing is I know none of this really matters - I often say - and genuinely mean - that when we planned our babies we planned for the baby, not the birth, so all that really matters is for baby and me to be safe and healthy, how she gets out really doesn't matter. But that's my head talking, and my heart seems to feel differently, and I really don't want these stupid feelings to spoil the first few weeks with my baby again.

Sorry for such a long ramble, not sure what I am trying to achieve other than get this off my chest. And maybe some advice on coping with these feelings, or just to know I am not alone in feeling them. Thanks for reading x

 

[Scuba]

Hi sorry you had such a rough time with your previous recovery from your c section
My situation is different to yours in that I suffered - physically and emotionally - FAR more after my first birth experience which was a vaginal delivery, so much so that I put off becoming pregnant again for 4 years.. With my second (and last) I had an elective c section at 38+3 and it was fantastic. It was everything my first birth wasn't.. It was calm, controlled, safe.. Time was taken to deliver my baby, I felt relaxed and stress free throughout - and I needn't have worried about bonding with her - it was instant, unlike with my first it took time to happen, I think due to the traumatic labour/birth.. My c section has healed me mentally, really really has helped no end..
I know everyone is different but please don't feel bad - all that matters IS that you grew your baby - this alone is a huge achievement! Your body has in no way failed you or your baby, it's created and nurtured your little miracle until she's ready to be in your arms! I don't want to sound blasé but as long as she arrives safely to you it really doesn't matter how she gets there.. xxx

 

[shambaby]

Thank you for sharing your experience, and I know you are absolutely right - it really doesn't matter how she arrives so long as she arrives safely. Until I fell pregnant again I hadn't really given a thought to how Hayden arrived in ages, as it didn't matter a bit, but being pregnant again has stirred up those feelings again. I know that, whatever happens, before long I will feel the same about this baby's birth, but it's just dealing with it in the meantime. I am immensely proud of the job my body did in creating and growing Hayden, and the good job I think we are doing as parents, raising him, and of course of the fact that I am doing the same for my little girl, and really those things are far more important in the grand scheme of things, but for some reason there seems to be a lot of emphasis put on the birth experience and that is what I am struggling with. Perhaps if I do have another section, this time around will be a more positive experience and will help me get over my previous experience, too.