Coping With Baby Fever

[AzureOrchid]

Hi All,

I've been having a very hard time recently dealing with overwhelming baby fever and I've been scouring the Internet for some way of alleviating this feeling but I haven't really had much luck yet. I'm 28, recently engaged (how exciting!) and I'm not taking any birth control and haven't for quite a while. My fiance and I tend to play with fire by using the pull out method, which we have been doing for several months, and essentially have an "if it happens, it happens" mentality.

I've known for a while that I want to have kids eventually once I was married and financially stable. It was a conscious decision that I was capable of managing with logic and it never became an issue. However, the last few months - and the last couple of weeks in particular - I have had this unbelievably overwhelming emotional feeling and primal urge to reproduce. It seems to get worse after I ovulate and I am about 13 DPO and it just seems to be getting worse every day.

The emotions I feel are difficult to pinpoint as I seem to go all over the map with them. Every time I see a baby, a pregnant woman or a family with children, I feel both this unbelievable longing, almost empty feeling as well as also awe and admiration. The other day I was waiting for the elevator in my office when there was a pregnant woman discussing her baby to be with a colleague and I nearly broke down in tears - and did later when telling my fiance what happened. TV shows, commercials, etc. - it all seems like this massive coincidence that every episode playing lately of the shows I watch happen to feature episodes with pregnant women, newborns, or the desire to procreate even though there are thousands of other re-runs they could be playing instead!

I've been trying to tell my fiance what I have been dealing with because I have also been kind of taking this out on him. I have been experiencing such dramatic mood swings over this and I feel like I have absolutely no control over them at all. One minute I am happy, feeling so much in love and the next I am depressed and feel this longing to have a swollen belly and to bring another life into the world. Then I will start crying... or crying while I'm laughing with joy.... I have never been so emotional as I have been the last week.

For a few months, also, my dreams have been about 75% baby/pregnancy related. I can't count how many times I've had a dream where I have been pregnant. My subconscious is driving me absolutely crazy over this!

I have read about doing a Baby Not On Board list, trying to focus on the fact that it will happen eventually when the timing is right, trying to avoid baby-related things to stop triggering my mood swings, etc. but it seems like nothing helps. This primal urge is just burning inside of me and it won't let go. I lived a very exciting life for several years and short of things that I won't be able to afford to do until I'm old and grey anyway, there's not much on my bucket list of things I want to do before I have a baby. What does exist on this list, I can still accomplish them after a baby so I've been struggling with justifying the logic that has existed until now. Other things like finances, a house, etc. are all things that I think about and a big part of me says "you'll be able to make it work and those things will still come in time."

I met the love of my life and am very happy and fortunate to have him in my life and it's as though the more I love him, the stronger my urge is to make his babies!

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this? The emotions and mood swings are driving me crazy, not to mention my poor fiance!!

 

[BumpySomeday]

Just to assure you, you are not alone Azure.

I was never broody and never seriously considered how much I would desire to start a family until a few months ago (when I joined this site- which I frequent entirely too often) because AF was 3 weeks late. My DH and I use the withdraw method as well. So when the witch was late I SWORE I was pg as I had always been regular (because it IS possible and I had EVERY symptom known to man kind & I googled my brains out- I'm surprised I made all A's that semester)... and I wanted it SO badly... and still have not been able to overcome the desire. My DH said he believes it is a maternal instinct and said if I couldn't get over the want and that it wasn't just a "right now thing", we would start trying.... well I haven't gotten over it but unfortunately, I now have to wait until next Spring (2015) to even start because I will be starting a new job soon (a dream job in fact).

It is so hard to know that I have to wait that long when DH is ready, my family is ready, we are financially stable.. So... what I have done is make a list that I can look at everyday. I divide it into months and seriously write down EVERYTHING that is coming up.. every few days I remove something from my list.. and it feels SO good. I also try to remind myself that this is my last year with JUST me and DH. So we are going on several vacations, visiting family, I am trying to hangout with my girlfriends as much as possible too, working out a lot, shopping more (lol)... just trying to do the things I won't be able to do once we do have a family (i.e. travel and spend money on myself haha). & then I think..omg this time next year I will be REALLY preparing to start ... feels good! And knowing there is SOME risk involved each month from pull out method is nice too! lol

Anyway, what's stopping you exactly then from TTC?

 

[MrsMandy]

Wish I could give you some amazing advice to help but unfortunately i'm exactly the same!!
Sending hugs xx

 

[AzureOrchid]

Thank you for the reply and congratulations on getting your dream job! That's so exciting. Best of luck with it and TTC in the future

I have been trying to figure out a list of reasons why now is not the right time and I somehow manage to find rebuttals for every single point. I'm not sure if I'm starting to think irrationally to justify my feelings or what the case may be. It would be nice to be baby-free until we get married (which will be a destination wedding in 1-2 years when we can afford it), and it would also be nice to wait until we have our own house.

But then I think about the timeline for all of this and I'm going to be nearing my mid-30s before any of this is sorted out and we get ourselves into a solid financial situation. Having a baby would alter our wedding plans a fair bit, but that's not of much concern to me as I'd be happy to elope somewhere tomorrow! lol

When I think about outings where it is just the two of us - we have had our share of weekend getaways and such and while there will be times when I'm sure we will need our "just us" time together, I really can't wait for the day that we head out with baby in tow.

We are also renting a house with his mother, so our private time is rather limited right now and I feel that moving forward with a baby we won't be missing out on anything. When I think about the timeline - if we wait to have our own house and figure out a living arrangement for his mother so we can be on our own and then enjoy that for a year or so... it starts really adding up and before you know it I'm in my mid-30s and I would really like to start my family sooner than that in case I want more and so that I'm not too old while dealing with them as teenagers.

I think maybe it's societies pressure to be married first before you start planning things like this and I don't want to rush anything, even though it feels so right. My fiance I think, while he knows that I want one and he would be more than OK if I happened to get pregnant, doesn't necessarily want one right now and would rather we were in a better financial situation - and probably married - before proceeding. We have also had a bit of a rollercoaster year with family members becoming very ill, loss of pets, career changes, etc., so it may just be too much to add that into the mix - but life is continuously throwing you curve balls and we are fantastic support for one another through these things. And there will always feel like there's going to be a time that's more right than right now. Plus, financially, there are ways to make things work to raise a child and still take care of what we need to in our lives to move forward on our timeline.

I don't know, really! lol... I have never been more confused and emotionally warped in my life as I am right now. I half wonder (with that undeniable sense of hope) if I may be pregnant considering how much of an emotional rollercoaster the last week, and especially the last three days, has been for me. But similar to what you shared, I seem to go through this wishful thinking increasingly each month. This really has been the worst, though. I'm not one to randomly cry and last night I went through about 3 dozen emotions in the matter of an hour while talking to my fiance. Earlier today I almost started bawling at work for no reason!

I know it will happen when it happens but I wish there was a switch I could flip to settle all my emotions down a notch until then.

 

[KalonKiki]

I'm afraid I'm not much help as when I was WTT for #1 my broodiness was only cured by getting pregnant.

I know it seems like a long time away and that you need to be pregnant RIGHT NOW, but it's worth it to wait. Honestly sometimes I think about how if we hadn't had the oopsie that led to DS then we would be married already and could have reached all of the goals that we wanted to and then we'd either be pregnant right now or we'd be trying this year. That's not to say that I don't love my DS and I couldn't imagine him not being in my life right now, but I don't recommend accidental pregnancy for anyone WTT. You don't realize how important your pre-baby goals are until you will no longer be able to complete them before you have a baby.

 

[BumpySomeday]

I'm afraid I'm not much help as when I was WTT for #1 my broodiness was only cured by getting pregnant.

I know it seems like a long time away and that you need to be pregnant RIGHT NOW, but it's worth it to wait. Honestly sometimes I think about how if we hadn't had the oopsie that led to DS then we would be married already and could have reached all of the goals that we wanted to and then we'd either be pregnant right now or we'd be trying this year. That's not to say that I don't love my DS and I couldn't imagine him not being in my life right now, but I don't recommend accidental pregnancy for anyone WTT. You don't realize how important your pre-baby goals are until you will no longer be able to complete them before you have a baby.

This is very true! I enjoyed reading your post, Kalon.

I think that as you get older you do start to desire it more because.. well it's natural! Everyone else is having babies and are getting married and whatnot. But... people ARE waiting longer these days too & have perfectly healthy pregnancies/children- so it's not unheard of to be in your 30's. But you have a wedding abroad coming up.. I mean that's pretty exciting in of itself!!

I don't think there is a cure for baby fever unfortunately though. This website helps though.. to see everyone else's stories and whatnot.. it gets you really excited for everyone else- which is a nice substitute!

I would discuss with OH & tell him all of what you told us!!

 

[LittleSesame]

I totally feel you on this one. I've been married for 7 years. Got married young so waiting wasn't a problem for me. My husband is older but he didn't mind either. Your story somehow reminds me of my own because we also have been relying on the pull-out method for 7 years now! (It's been working well)

But this year (I turned 26) I caught the baby fever. I thought I was going crazy but I see babies everywhere. I had a pregnancy "scare" a few months ago and was actually devastated when AF showed a week late.

I feel embarrassed to tell my husband how bad it is. We both agree financially this would be bad timing to have a child. But just as you said, the desire feels almost primal. And it's very depressing.. it is making my cycles pretty unbearable since I feel sadness instead of relief when my period shows up. I actually dread it every month. So yup, you're not alone.

 

[AzureOrchid]

This website certainly has been a lot of help Being able to talk about this so openly has helped tremendously, especially with my fiance. At first he was confused and didn't understand what I was feeling - and I didn't either, really! - but he has been extremely supportive. I was given some advice elsewhere to try talking about all the little details with him (and anyone else I dared to share it with)... things such as gender, names, how many, characteristics and traits, what colours to paint the room, etc. Basically talk and talk and talk about it until I can't talk about it anymore!

It's amazing how I've been feeling this incredible urge but never really thought out any of those details! Sharing this with him and hearing the picture he has in his mind about our children has been helping a great deal. Yesterday, after our first evening of discussing those details, I finally felt really content about the whole thing and wasn't moody all day. We continued again last night and it I'm really surprised at what a relief it has been. Trying to avoid it was just making it worse and I thought talking about it more with him would make me want it even more (if that was even possible!) but it's been very therapeutic.

I am starting to think that he's getting a little more excited about starting a family with me, too. Who knows.... maybe it might come sooner than I think

 

[bellaxgee]

I am kind of in a different boat because I have a daughter already...but I've missed being pregnant since the day she was born and we are WTT for number 2 until this summer. But I am going through some major baby fever right now. It seems like each day I find out a new person is pregnant at work. and I want to cry everytime I see one of their bellies. This is exactly how I felt the first time before we started to try.

BUT on a different note...I do miss the life before being a mommy. Don't get me wrong...I LOVE being a mommy but I miss many things of not being a mommy also. I am soon to be 28 and have a 2 yr old. I miss being able to lounge around, make plans at the spur of the moment, just worrying about me. I wish I had taken more time for my husband and I to do things together.

 

[ImSoTired]

I concur with bella. Enjoy the time you have with your fiance now. I wish my husband and I would have gone more places and done more things before the baby came because our relationship is still great but it is different. We have more to worry about than just ourselves and I feel like some days we aren't on the same page any more. We are still completely in love but we are so busy with our daughter. Take this time to be with your fiance and work on yourself. Exercise, read a book, go out with your friends. These are my only suggestions to keep yourself busy and from thinking about ttc. Set goals that aren't baby related and reach them. I'm not going to say it'll make you stop thinking about having a baby, because it won't, but you will be a little more preoccupied.

I felt exactly how you did starting at the young age of 18. I got a job working with infants. I was feeding a 6 week old baby his bottle and he smiled up at me (as you can imagine working with children and seeing their mothers come in to pick them up and a lot of pregnant women coming and going was difficult because I very much wanted that to be me). I nearly melted when he smiled at me and knew I wanted to have a baby. I went through a lot of emotions while I waited for my husband and I to get older, get financially stable, buy our own home, and get married. I was 23 when we got married and I had everything I always wanted but a baby. We were still young and DH wasn't ready. This is when my strong instincts kicked in and I felt like I needed a baby. I kept on pleading with DH until he finally agreed and then it took us 9 LONG months to conceive our daughter. While we tried I read a dozen books, lost 30 lbs, and spent a lot of time doing things around the house. I was 25 when I gave birth to her.

I'm very broody again and waiting until this summer to try for our second child. Though I have to say I don't feel quite as strong as I did before I know I will that day we start trying again. My only advice is to try and keep busy. Please know that you instincts and your emotions are completely normal and it happens to a lot of women. Your time will come and it will be well worth waiting for.Best of luck!