Coping with Pregnancy of Others

[Zori]

I'm new to the site and it's soooo good to know I'm not alone in my crazy. My little brother and his spoiled brat of a wife announced their pregnancy a few months ago and I've been battling jealousy and anger ever since.
I'm not even excited for the upcoming arrival of my niece. I feel bad but this infertility thing is frustrating. And all those wonderful friends who get pregnant in one go and offer advise on things to try, as if I hadn't tried it all already.

 

[aintlifegrand]

I'm new to the site and it's soooo good to know I'm not alone in my crazy. My little brother and his spoiled brat of a wife announced their pregnancy a few months ago and I've been battling jealousy and anger ever since.
I'm not even excited for the upcoming arrival of my niece. I feel bad but this infertility thing is frustrating. And all those wonderful friends who get pregnant in one go and offer advise on things to try, as if I hadn't tried it all already.

OMFG, I could have written this myself, ha!!

 

[Dolly84]

I'm defiantly included within this post ;-) Facebook is a joke , with baby pics and scan pics and "family photos" cropping up everywhere, it's sooooo fustrating!!!! We've been ttc for 22 months so some months are easier to deal with but feel like suck a cowbag for being jealous of other people, luckily my mum, dad, brother and sis all know, we told them last month and they have been amazing, so I suppose my coping mechanism is talking to my parents and getting things off my chest ;-) fx for all our bfp ;-) xxx

 

[Dolly84]

Haha I meant such a cowbag lol x

 

[manduh726]

I use to be truly happy for people when they were expecting. In fact I never wanted any children of my own. Then I got married and something flipped in my head. Now when I hear people are pregnant I get so jealous! I don't know how to change that feeling. After almost 3 years of trying I just feel so black inside when someone announces they are pregnant. Especially if it was unplanned and they have another children.

 

[tamithomas]

A friend of ours just gave birth this weekend, this is exactly how the convo went:

Francis: Congrats on your bfp!
DH: Not anymore, we lost it.
Francis:That sucks. By the way if you wanna visit the newborn you're more than welcome.

The notion that we MC passed right over him. And this is why I get pissed when I see kids having kids. they're barely 18

 

[emz1200]

A friend of ours just gave birth this weekend, this is exactly how the convo went:

Francis: Congrats on your bfp!
DH: Not anymore, we lost it.
Francis:That sucks. By the way if you wanna visit the newborn you're more than welcome.

The notion that we MC passed right over him. And this is why I get pissed when I see kids having kids. they're barely 18

OMG how can anyone be that insensitive? It's not like you lost your car keys or something. x

 

[tamithomas]

OMG how can anyone be that insensitive? It's not like you lost your car keys or something. x

That's exactly what I thought when my DH told me about their interaction. We lost what you just received this weekend, not an earring..have some compassion! I gladly put him and his girlfriend on the restricted list of facebook so none of their bs shows up on my news feed

 

[PinkPeony]

That's awful Tami. I can't believe some people.

I have a friend who knows we're trying and that I've been really depressed bc of it but she seems to take so much pleasure in announcing other ppl's pregnancies to us. Last time she was over at my house the second she walks through the door - "guess what! So&so's pregnant AGAIN!!". Like do you know who you're talking to? The next time I saw her she did it again. I had to excuse myself and cried in the bathroom. I just feel so sad for us you know... Like these ppl get preg like it's no big thing and they get to keep this sense of carefree innocent joy about it. I'll never have that.

 

[manduh726]

I have a friend who knows we're trying and that I've been really depressed bc of it but she seems to take so much pleasure in announcing other ppl's pregnancies to us.

Thats horrible!

My hubby and I have not told everyone were trying. Only a few even know I had an early miscarriage. Its hard.

 

[PinkPeony]

I have a friend who knows we're trying and that I've been really depressed bc of it but she seems to take so much pleasure in announcing other ppl's pregnancies to us.

Thats horrible!

My hubby and I have not told everyone were trying. Only a few even know I had an early miscarriage. Its hard.

My Dh keeps telling people!! I'm a pretty private person and he just doesn't get it! He doesn't understand how some women just have a vicious side. This girl is part of a couple that we're very close with so I wouldn't have a problem with telling them, but she can be very competitive with me at times and DH being a guy just doesn't see it. She's not someone I would hang out with on my own but we get along as couples. They're not trying yet and she keeps saying hiw she's not worried about them not getting preg right away and I'm sure the instant they decide to try she'll be preg. Like I don't care, all I want is a little empathy. Ugh... Sorry that's been eating away at me. Vent over.

 

[tamithomas]

I have a friend who knows we're trying and that I've been really depressed bc of it but she seems to take so much pleasure in announcing other ppl's pregnancies to us.

Thats horrible!

My hubby and I have not told everyone were trying. Only a few even know I had an early miscarriage. Its hard.

My Dh keeps telling people!! I'm a pretty private person and he just doesn't get it! He doesn't understand how some women just have a vicious side. This girl is part of a couple that we're very close with so I wouldn't have a problem with telling them, but she can be very competitive with me at times and DH being a guy just doesn't see it. She's not someone I would hang out with on my own but we get along as couples. They're not trying yet and she keeps saying hiw she's not worried about them not getting preg right away and I'm sure the instant they decide to try she'll be preg. Like I don't care, all I want is a little empathy. Ugh... Sorry that's been eating away at me. Vent over.

That is simply disgusting. Goodness I wish infertility would become a public notion already so people can learn some compassion!

 

[PinkPeony]

Thanks Tami. Feels good to get backup on that one. I've had so many incidents that have just stung to the core like that since starting TTC, it's nice to know I'm not on my own.

 

[tamithomas]

Thanks Tami. Feels good to get backup on that one. I've had so many incidents that have just stung to the core like that since starting TTC, it's nice to know I'm not on my own.

I feel you on that one. Except we haven't told anyone we've been actively trying. The only thing people know is about my MC. Reason a) We're not the most financially stable but we know we could manage, we can't wait for a miracle of a job to happen because of very long list of reasons that are too long to type so we don't wanna be passed the judgement. plus my DH is 43 so we don't have time to wait. b) I already have a hard enough time accepting that we're struggling while I watch my 18 year old friends still living at their parents place pop them out like a pez dispenser that being asked about it would be too much.

But as for relating, long story short SIL gave birth, Step Brother never wanted kids, then once born he asked me when I'm gonna make one of these and was all loving and caring to his LO. It felt so unfair that a guy who wanted to be childfree gets one and I don't.

 

[PinkPeony]

Thanks Tami. Feels good to get backup on that one. I've had so many incidents that have just stung to the core like that since starting TTC, it's nice to know I'm not on my own.

I feel you on that one. Except we haven't told anyone we've been actively trying. The only thing people know is about my MC. Reason a) We're not the most financially stable but we know we could manage, we can't wait for a miracle of a job to happen because of very long list of reasons that are too long to type so we don't wanna be passed the judgement. plus my DH is 43 so we don't have time to wait. b) I already have a hard enough time accepting that we're struggling while I watch my 18 year old friends still living at their parents place pop them out like a pez dispenser that being asked about it would be too much.

Poppin them out like pez - that made me lol!

But ya.... what is it about having babies? Makes everyone a judge all the sudden. My problem is ppl hounding us... telling us to get on with it. Either way the better policy is not to tell people about TTC. I'm finding that's true even when it's someone I trust. Sure is revealing...

 

[tamithomas]

Thanks Tami. Feels good to get backup on that one. I've had so many incidents that have just stung to the core like that since starting TTC, it's nice to know I'm not on my own.

I feel you on that one. Except we haven't told anyone we've been actively trying. The only thing people know is about my MC. Reason a) We're not the most financially stable but we know we could manage, we can't wait for a miracle of a job to happen because of very long list of reasons that are too long to type so we don't wanna be passed the judgement. plus my DH is 43 so we don't have time to wait. b) I already have a hard enough time accepting that we're struggling while I watch my 18 year old friends still living at their parents place pop them out like a pez dispenser that being asked about it would be too much.

Poppin them out like pez - that made me lol!

But ya.... what is it about having babies? Makes everyone a judge all the sudden. My problem is ppl hounding us... telling us to get on with it. Either way the better policy is not to tell people about TTC. I'm finding that's true even when it's someone I trust. Sure is revealing...

Indeed, some things are just better left unspoken about. Especially when you got those types of people that are usually very overwhelmingly pitty party 101 type or ask too many questions about everything. And the rare rubbing it in your face kind (my SIL)

 

[PinkPeony]

I have a friend who knows we're trying and that I've been really depressed bc of it but she seems to take so much pleasure in announcing other ppl's pregnancies to us.

Thats horrible!

My hubby and I have not told everyone were trying. Only a few even know I had an early miscarriage. Its hard.

My Dh keeps telling people!! I'm a pretty private person and he just doesn't get it! He doesn't understand how some women just have a vicious side. This girl is part of a couple that we're very close with so I wouldn't have a problem with telling them, but she can be very competitive with me at times and DH being a guy just doesn't see it. She's not someone I would hang out with on my own but we get along as couples. They're not trying yet and she keeps saying hiw she's not worried about them not getting preg right away and I'm sure the instant they decide to try she'll be preg. Like I don't care, all I want is a little empathy. Ugh... Sorry that's been eating away at me. Vent over.

That is simply disgusting. Goodness I wish infertility would become a public notion already so people can learn some compassion!

Just had a conversation with DH about that chick I was writing about before. He actually said he DOES see how she's secretly trying to compete with me. He even said it's blatent! Sorry but if a guy sees it that's pretty bad. I feel really validated. The main thing is exactly what you said Tami - like there's just no compassion there. She hasn't been a friend to me at all. I have real friends that ask me how I'm feeling and actually share my frustration on my behalf.... And then there's her.

 

[tamithomas]

I have a friend who knows we're trying and that I've been really depressed bc of it but she seems to take so much pleasure in announcing other ppl's pregnancies to us.

Thats horrible!

My hubby and I have not told everyone were trying. Only a few even know I had an early miscarriage. Its hard.

My Dh keeps telling people!! I'm a pretty private person and he just doesn't get it! He doesn't understand how some women just have a vicious side. This girl is part of a couple that we're very close with so I wouldn't have a problem with telling them, but she can be very competitive with me at times and DH being a guy just doesn't see it. She's not someone I would hang out with on my own but we get along as couples. They're not trying yet and she keeps saying hiw she's not worried about them not getting preg right away and I'm sure the instant they decide to try she'll be preg. Like I don't care, all I want is a little empathy. Ugh... Sorry that's been eating away at me. Vent over.

That is simply disgusting. Goodness I wish infertility would become a public notion already so people can learn some compassion!

Just had a conversation with DH about that chick I was writing about before. He actually said he DOES see how she's secretly trying to compete with me. He even said it's blatent! Sorry but if a guy sees it that's pretty bad. I feel really validated. The main thing is exactly what you said Tami - like there's just no compassion there. She hasn't been a friend to me at all. I have real friends that ask me how I'm feeling and actually share my frustration on my behalf.... And then there's her.

Yup that is very true, if the DH can notice it then it's obvious as day. They usually can't even tell if someone is flirting with them without having to have a big fat "i'm flirting with you sign" over them lol. If I were yo, I'd either drop her as a friend or sit her down and have a talk with her..if that convo doesn't go well,then go back to option a.