Cost of adoption in Canada and rules?

[Butterfly89]

I have recently found out I will never have children and am not eligible for any fertility treatments because of what I have. I sort of figured this when I was younger (14 or 15) because of some ultrasound results and doctor's comments, etc, but I did not want to worry unduly... Well, turns out I was right. I have kind of always known in a way, but the shock was still big enough.

But I want children some day. The problem is I am only 22. I am a secretary and OH does not make very much either. Probably combined, let's say around a little over $50k income. It will probably not get much better than that, but I think we could manage as we are good at saving.

Is adoption completely out of the question? Sorry if I sound ignorant, because I am about this issue! What sort of rules do they have? How old do you have to be? OH is 27. I am thinking 2-3 years because we want our kids to grow up with their cousins and they are getting older now already.

Is this crazy and selfish? We are both kind, patient, hardworking people who would devote everything we can to our children. We do not do anything illegal nor do we party or live wild lifestyles in any way. We are responsible people who just want a family of our own.

Do you think we can ever do it? Even in 5 years maybe? I don't want to be an old mom. If kids are not in my future, I am going to go off on my own and travel and volunteer where I am needed with kids or animals or the elderly. But I am wondering if maybe there is a way?

 

[Liesje]

I don't know much about the subject but I have some friends who gave up babies in Ontario and I know there is a cap to how much the mother can collect (basically living expenses). Personally, if money were a concern, I'd look around privately for a young girl who is looking to give up her baby... Seems more personal that way too. But that's just my opinion.

 

[Liesje]

...one other thing... You may also want to look into fostering. There are no financial requirements for that and you receive some money to care for the kids...nowhere near a profit but it's nice to get some help. Sometimes they just need families for the weekend, overnight, etc.
They work around your schedule and arrange for daycare for when you're at work.

 

[Butterfly89]

Ah, I've thought of that. But you still have to go through the government and the same laws apply, even if you know the mother and she gives consent. At least that is what a co-worker told me and her friend adopted a child that way. Plus due to emotional and spiritual reasons, I would not want to know the mother of the child at all. I would not be able to feel like the mother of that baby. I would have to just be given the child with no knowledge at all of the real mother. I know my mind would not accept it and I'd always be terrified he/she would be taken away and the mom would want him/her back at some point. Whereas if I never saw the mom, I know I would just accept the child as my own child.

And fostering, definitely no way. I could not take the loss. I really admire those who do it. But I want a child of my own, not to have it ripped from my arms. It would break my heart. I can't even babysit a dog without feeling sad giving him back. I can't imagine with a child!

 

[Liesje]

I can understand how you feel about not wanting to know that biological mother (I would feel the same way probably)... But have you thought about how the child might feel not knowing anything about their biological parents when they're older?
I'm finding it especially important right now to know my family history because I've gone through so many tests and questionnaires from this pregnancy that I can't imagine how someone would feel going through this not knowing anything about their biological parents.
From what I understand, if you intend to tell them they're adopted at a young age, parenting adopted kids is much different than biological kids, you have to be careful about what movies they watch, people's conversations, etc.
...that said, I know for a fact that international adoptions can be much cheaper and faster and you likely wouldn't have to worry about the mother finding you.

 

[Butterfly89]

I was adopted by my grandparents as a very young child and I would rather not know my parents sometimes and most often, but unfortunately I do. I love them because they have grown up a lot and changed for the better, but they were not really my parents so I feel extremely guilty and confused all the time about it. I try not think about it though.

I don't want this for my kids.

International adoptions USUALLY require you to go to their country of origin. My friend's aunt adopted a baby from China. She is literally almost a millionaire and she had trouble with the money and the constant back and forth for 2 years. She lost her job even, but she said she wouldn't trade her daughter for the world.

Us though, not millionaires.

The more I learn about it the more I realize it's not for us. Maybe I will look into surrogacy.

 

[tribble]

We recently started looking into the process in Alberta. We received a package recently and it appears to be about $10,000 base and $5,000 incidentals.

If you contact an agency in your area, they will likely send you a package, no strings

 

[hannahhlove]

I don't know much about adoption, but I have looked into it recently. I know in Ontario you meet with the birth mother/parents before the adoption is finalized. This is through most agencies, and most birth parents want to meet who their child is going to live with for the rest of their life. Some on the other hand, don't, but it will take a while to find that I'm sure. Don't want to sound negative, just letting you know what I've read. Look up some adoption agencies in your area (private or public) and either read or meet with them and find out more information! Good luck!

 

[Butterfly89]

Ohh... I definitely wouldn't be going for private adoption, just public. I don't think there are fees for public but you have to have a lot of assets to prove you're financially stable like a house, etc. That will be a long time from now I think.

And I definitely won't be meeting the parents but I don't think it works that way in public adoption here.

 

[aliss]

50k a year is plenty. No, you're not in luxury, but unless you are downtown Vancouver or Toronto, you'll do fine. All kids *especially* ones given for adoption, need nothing but love - the rest can be bought at Value Village or given for free by donation. You can also explore breastfeeding (yes, you can do this as an adoptive mother, contact La Leche League).

You can adopt when single or unmarried, that's fine, it's about YOU and your stability. However- there is one problem, and that is the 'availability' of children. Healthy newborns are very difficult to find. Foster-to-adopt gives you much better chances. If you are willing to take toddler or older, siblings, or special needs, you can be matched sooner. We are looking at toddler/siblings, but we are also experienced with 2 kids of our own. As a first time mother, I am guessing you are probably looking for newborn adoption. The wait is around 8 years at this point.

I would still consider foster-to-adopt if I were you and speak with social workers directly. Many of the babies/children in that program are simply waiting for courts to terminate parental rights (a slow process) and therefore are still legally "foster children" but will never be returned to their biological parents. We are exploring this as well. We're in Montreal.

Good luck!

 

[colta]

Heylo!

Just thought I'd pop in and say hi! DH and me are going to be starting the adoption process very soon and we'll be doing a public domestic adoption through our province (We're in NB)...
From what I understand, if you adopt through the government, there are no additional costs outside of the cost to get your criminal record check done and the travelling to and from any training/info sessions or meeting a child.

We're going to be persuing an older child adoption... hopefully a child between the ages of 2-10. We're also open to quite a few special needs as well, so hopefully we'll be able to get through the process and matched quickly.

But yeah... if you have any questions, feel free to pm me. I don't know much yet, but I'm hoping to know more soon!