Councelling

[Charlie19]

Hi

I get councilling through work, I am very concerned about something she said to me and now concerned as to whether there is any truth in it ... please be aware that she is not specifically trainined in fertility issues. She suggested that I may not be getting pregnant as in my mind I am fairly closed to the idea (?!?) and by not telling people i am blocking the idea out of my mind and therefore my body could be responding by blocking the possibility- be aware that I am due to start ICSI next month due to male factor.

At this point I was ready to smah the old cow round the face with a chair for being so ridiculous but in my highly emotional state I am now starting to wonder if she is in any way right

Is it my fault for being a closed ( i would call it private) person ?

I was going to go back but I am not sure what to do as she has really upset me

Please help

Charlie 19

 

[brooklyn1]

Hi Charlie,
That is completely ridiculous and bad counseling. I am a counselor myself and also have been ttc for over a year, so I know first hand that that is a pile of BS. We each cope with this process in our own ways- if being private about it helps you, then that's what you need to do. It might be one thing for her to encourage you to open up a little to see how that feels and if it helps your stress level, but it's completely irresponsible of her to say that being private in any way effects your ability to get pregnant.
It might be time to get another counselor, or at least let her know that you find her comments to be unhelpful and stressful rather than encouraging.
hang in there, and good luck with your ICSI!

 

[Toptack]

OMG, I am completely disgusted that she said such a thing to you! How the hell could your body "block" the possibility of you getting pregnant, whatever your mind may be thinking?! People get pregnant under all sorts of horrendous circumstances - during wars, in prison camps etc - where I'm damn sure their body would be "blocking" the possibility of pregnancy if it could! If it was just down to mental attitude, we would all be pregnant in the first six months. It's utter nonsense, and totally irresponsible of her, to suggest that your mental state is in some way to 'blame' for the situation you are in.

So chin up and ignore what she's said... The issue you have as a couple has been identified by medical experts and they are going to help you to overcome it and get your BFP. And see if you can find a more helpful counsellor to replace the silly cow!

 

[bababas]

that really sounds like BS. you are right to think of smacking that cow. im so sorry she was mean to you please stop thinking about her, and live your life like you want and who you are.

 

[muncho]

complete bullshit, does she want u to have the fornt oage of your local newspaper.

Even people in TTC do not tell their friends even when you get your bfp! i agree with not blockign it out for yourself, we shoudl allow oursekves to think about having a baby etc but we dont have to share that with others. Im starting ivf on monday and 3 people know

Should i broadcast on ITN news ...god that has made me so angry. sorry!

 

[muncho]

sorry for my spelling. please done feel upset and a councellor can only help u if you feel comfortable with them!!

 

[sonyabazonya]

what a crock of shit hun!!!!!!! ((((hugs))))

 

[Charlie19]

Thanks guys,

You have really helped barely been able to stop crying since (which is really not like me tend to look on the bright side) and currently feeling very sorry for myself whick I hate feeling like.

I think this is really my problem is that I think even well meaning people are unable to understand our problems and so make off the cuff comments that are devestating, which is why I think my original position of not telling people is the one i will be sticking with !

I am so glad you think she is wrong but I will be asking my FS when I go next !! just to be on the safe side !

 

[Sambatiki]

OMFG..... if thats what she is saying then I would not continue seeing her.

I dont think anyone understands infertility unless they have been there themselves and quite often they say things that they think are helpful, which bloody well arent!!!

I hope that you find the support you need here

 

[aiwah]

Counsellors should definitely not be making you feel worse in this way. Is this a work counsellor through an ancillary service like AXA/ICAS? If so, get back in touch with your co-ordinator and request another counsellor and see if you can find someone who specialises in fertility matters.

I went to see counsellors after my first two unsuccessful cycles and unfortunately I met one on the second occasion who was basically telling me to 'pull myself together and get back to work' a week after my BFN. When I got home and couldn't stop weeping, my hubby made me call my co-ordinator and get another one. The 2nd one was great and I felt much much better after just 3 sessions.

I hope you do find one that can give you the support you need and wish you the very best for your treatment.

 

[MissMonty]

How horrible for you the counsellor should not have said that to you, thats very bad practice and I'm sure if they were being obsevered they would have recieved a warning for that!

Please ask to see someone else if you would like to continue - I hope this bad experience does not put you off seeking support.

Wishing you all the very best

 

[Charlie19]

Hi everyone thank you for the support , thought I would let you know that I went back today and told the counceller exactley what I though of her comments etc and feel so much better now and explained that I now am definatley sure that we are doing the right thing by not telling people as I am not leaving myself open to stupid comments like the ones she had made. She was very nice about it considering I ripped her apart profesionally and I feel much better about it. I think she tried to palm it off as some sort of stratergy but I am sure she was just "winging" it !

Thanks for all your comments you are all a constant support to me and really appreciate it Love Charlie 19 x x x