Counselling?

[Charlie19]

Hi Ladies,

I know this is quite a personal question, but hey the questions on here are always personal right?!?

How any of you had counselling, My DH is really really down at the mo and starting to really worry about him, was thinking of giving it a try and wondered if any of you had given it a try or if you could recommend any in the north london/ herts/beds/bucks area?



Many Thanks guys

Charlie 19 x

 

[CurlySue]

Depends on what the counselling is for, tbh. What is he down about?

 

[Charlie19]

oh right sorry forgot to say about that,

been ttc for over a year now and I have had CD21 test OK, he had SA and came back with only 3% of the top motility, Dr told us to come back in 6 weeks for retest which he did, in the mean time, stopped drinking, only baggy pants, vit C, zinc, wellman, macca, no baths, etc, went back to the Dr who then after suggesting this said (before the retest) that it prob made no difference and that he was going to refer us to fertility specialist anyway and prob won't bother with the test, OH said that he would quite like to see if these changes will have made a difference anyway and he said "unless you were an alcoholic or a 100 a day smoker it is very unlikely" so he is gutted, My hubby is a proud man and a bit "matcho" (softy around me though) and I think he feels like he is "not a proper man" . I don't really know what to do to help obviously both gutted. He has got so down recently I am not sure what to do to help really. He has always wanted kids (I havn't and fairly recently had a change of heart), and it has really taken the stuffing out of him. He seems to think that I will leave him (not in a million years I adore him and have done since the moment I set eyes on him and 12 years later we are still besotted with each other). So thats why was thinking about the counsellor.

What do you think??

Charlie19 x

 

[JASMAK]

If you or him or the pair of you are going to do counselling regarding fertility issues specifically, then I would recommend seeing a counsellor that is trained or geared towards infertility. The reason I say this, is because yes, I have had counselling, and it was horrible. The asked me why I would want to have more kids when I was so stressed. She didn't even clue in (even though I kept saying that I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown from losing babies etc) that the stress was CAUSED by infertility. Pffft! Just think of all those so-called well-intended comments from ignorant people...yeah, well, my counsellor pretty much said every single one. Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Mrs R]

My DH had inconclusive S.A results twice before getting an average result, and like ur OH, it just knocked the stuffing out of him because he is quite macho.

With regards to all those lifestyle changes ur OH has made, I think there are alot of girls on here that would argue with ur doctor as their OH's S.A have vastly improved after making a few changes (can't hurt anyway). My DH is one of these who made lifestyle changes and got a much better result.

If ur OH is still down in a few weeks, maybe a specialist counsellor like the one mentioned above mite be a good idea. This TTC business is hard work and I think it can be easy to forget that our lovely hubbies can be hurting just as much as us at times.

Good luck, hope ur OH feels better soon x

 

[CareBear]

Your local hospital may have a fertility counsellor attached to their fertility unit that you could access once you're referall has gone through and this could be done along side any treatment you decide upon I think.

 

[ariel]

We did not have counseling though it would probably have been useful but I agree that you should go with someone who knows about fertility issues.

My husband and I tried for about 6 months and then did some testing. My husband had 3% normal sperm. I was devastated. He went to see a urologist but because of my age, that doctor recommended we go to a fertility clinic. Off to the fertility clinic we went. The doctor there said that even though there is only 3% normal sperm that would actually be able to fertilize the egg, the quantity that 3% represented is high, so they figured that there is really no reason why we should not get pregnant on our own.

Well, we tried for over a year. Last month I went on clomid and we did IUI and I am happy to say that I am pregnant.

My biggest advice to you, is reassure your husband that you love him and would not leave him because of this. I know my husband asked me these things. I just kept telling him "you have no control over this, it's not like you are doing this on purpose". He certainly felt better but he felt bad for the situation...I guess it's the male ego that's more hurt than anything.

 

[Charlie19]

thanks everyone,

ariel, congratulations and thanks for sharing with me !! really given me some hope!!

you are right he does have no control over this, he just is so down and usually he is my rock and not really sure how to be supportive, but will just keep trying I supose

x x x x

 

[ariel]

thanks everyone,

ariel, congratulations and thanks for sharing with me !! really given me some hope!!

you are right he does have no control over this, he just is so down and usually he is my rock and not really sure how to be supportive, but will just keep trying I supose

x x x x

I know it's tough, all that uncertainty. I know guys tend to place huge importance on being able to "perform" and "provide" for the family and when something takes that feeling away from them, it can be very difficult for men. I think as long as men feel reassured and that they are your "hero" it makes it easier for men to deal with a difficult situation.

We talked a lot about our situation and our options and what what we would do, that seemed to help for us. I also write little notes of encouragement to him so that he feels loved. My husband's primary love language is words of affirmation, so writing notes and talking worked great for him. If your husband feels loved the same way, this might also work for you. I'm sure you find a way to be supportive to your husband.