Court-long read

[brownhairedmom]

I know how you feel, my ex is weird as hell and as much as I know Meredith deserves to see/know her dad, it makes me really frustrated that I'd have to let her if the courts ordered me to.

You need to come across as the more sensible person here! Get a lawyer or solicitor, talk to them, and do what they SAY. Its their job, they know more than you. I know you're just trying to protect your baby, but whatever hatred and dislike you have for him yourself, you have to put that away and put your child and her needs first! You may hate him, but if he's not going to hurt her and you feel she'll be in a safe environment with him, you have to realize that he is still her father! You don't have the right to take her father away from her out of spite because you don't have a good relationship with him.

My situation is different - my ex lives 8 hours away and he's into some shady things I don't want my child around. If I thought that Meredith would be safe around him and that he'd be a stable figure in her life...I'd let him. Lucky for me he's pretending we don't exist, so I don't have to deal with it yet.

 

[Erised]

i've just read back, I've come across really immature and niave. I am not,everything I have done has been an act of fear.

I don't think you have at all, it's only natural to be worried and scared of having to go through court and leave your beloved little girl with someone you don't get along with.

Unfortunately you're gonna have to go through with this though, he has his rights too, much as we might not agree with them. I'm sure that court will be understanding once you explain everything, and asking for supervised visits isn't all that much to ask for. Just make sure you have some nice clothes and someone to represent you in court who's actually good at his job. It will all be just fine =) I know the Saturdays without your little girl will seem very hard at first, but it will get easier. He's willing to see his little girl, he obviously cares about her even though the way he talks it might not seem that way. As to the bad words he's spreading, fully ignore all of it hon. I know it's not going to be easy, but an apology won't actually make you feel better or take back what he's said and spread. Those who believe him aren't worth knowing anyway.

Try not to worry too much, the fact you fear for your little girl already shows you're a great mum =)

 

[starbucks101]

i've just read back, I've come across really immature and niave. I am not,everything I have done has been an act of fear. I'm crying even now just thinking about being in contact with him. He is a horrible person who believes everything that comes out of his mouth, how can you have an argument with someone who believes there true when you know there not? He told me we bought the pregnancy test together, that kind of thing when in fact I was sat in his room and he was like please take this test i have in my car. He was strange and I just don't want to be in contact with him.

Hun,im gonna be really blunt and i mean it in the absolute nicest way possible, because i completly understand my daughters dad can be like that, but in my case he doesnt want anything to do with her.

You are just going to have to suck it up, DONT PUT THIS OFF ANY LONGER!

You mucked up so sort it out. get yourself down to a solicitors first thing monday morning & keep going into them untill you find someone that can be at that court date... If you ignore it untill you get summoned.. they have the power to put you in prison..


Dont lie in court because if you get busted doing that you can forget ever being able to negogiate through your solicitor & you'll have a complete stranger every 6 months deciding how much access he can have based on papers he's read that morning.


Go to a solicitor and be 100% honest you didnt know how serious this was & you admit you've mucked up.


The courts arnt going to take your baby off you but unless you grow up really quickly your ex is going to get himself a pretty good case for having 50 - 50 parenting soon (not that he shouldnt if he's a good dad anyway)

They arnt going to label you a bad mum unless you miss this court date.
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Your ex has done the right thing going down this route and he is just continuing to prove that you are an irresponsible parent who doesnt care about what is best for his daughter & is just trying to make things very difficult for him to form a bond with a daughter he obviosuly adores without you being completly in control...

If your such a malnipulative control freak why should he just knock on the door?
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Now, this isn't what i think of you at all, but this is exactly what everyone is going to think if you dont show up at that date and start to make amends for this.

Go offer him 3 hours supervised a week at your house, if you need someone there for the first few visits then say that in the court, but you cant have someone there all the time, you cant expect him to bond with his daughter with people breathing down his neck and making him uncomfortable, plus your baby will pick up on this.


Now if your ex is anything like mine he is the most person on the planet, always has to be in control, always comes out of everything smelling of bloody roses and is such a spoilt little tw*t so and so it makes you sick. Thinking of my ex makes my skin crawl, but if he decides tomorrow he wants to be in E's life, ive got no grounds to not let him.

Its one of these situations you've got to suck up your feelings and do the right thing however you feel about it hun.

please dont put this off again because its always going to be hanging over you & you'll always wonder what his next move is going to be!

Court is a scarey process for anyone, i was in and out of courts at 16 with my ex fighting to see his other daughter, its a really horrible bitter process... but a few years on from all that he know has regular access to a little girl that loves her daddy, both of them have new partners, Girls mum has a new baby & is glad for the break when she stays with her dad.

Its taken them 4years to get to this point where its realitively amicable and im sure there will be things that knock it back into being bitter but more importantly the little girl knows exactly when shes seeing her dad every week & she doesnt get pulled away for months on end or brought into bitter arguements.

The courts really dont give a monkies about you & him, they just care about your little one and that fact that she should have a relationship with her dad & his family.

You can PM me anytime if you want to talk about it xxx

 

[Amy-Lea]

''If your such a malnipulative control freak why should he just knock on the door? ''

I don't get this, I'm not the manipulitive one he is.

As fr what you said I agree, however the baby would have to go to his mums with him, he can not know were I live under any circumstances, the reason I left home was because of him but obviously you's dont know the extent because I havn't told but, I have know problem with Hallie going to his mums, once a week like he asked but just not for the full length of time. All I ask is that he has regular drug tests as he used to be on cocaine and i know his brothers still are as I witnessed one taking it at 4pm in the afternoon a few weekends ago. Do I have right to ask him to do this? I am going to go to a solicitors on monday definatley and i appriciate everyone taking time to respond. I just do not want him to be granted parental responsability as he will take this power to his head and will have no quarms in dictating which school she went to etc which he has told me already, I dont see how he should decided when its me who has to take her etc.

 

[Erised]

''If your such a malnipulative control freak why should he just knock on the door? ''

I don't get this, I'm not the manipulitive one he is.

What she meant is, that your ex has spread a lot of lies to try and get people to believe you're the bad one. And that those people he's been speaking to (who don't know you personally) will believe you're the one who's the 'malnipulative control freak'. She's in no way saying that you are one, she's just saying what those who don't know you and believe your ex's lies will think.

Good luck on Monday, hopefully you'll get someone who understands the situation you're in. As for drugs testing, bring it up to your solicitor. Mention that you know he's got a past with drugs and that other family members still use it. That you're not certain if he does or not, and ask if it would be possible to get random drugs screenings as you do not want your little girl near it. He should be able to give you advice as to whether or not he could bring it up in the agreement that will be made.

Once again, good luck. Let us know how things went.

 

[Amy-Lea]

I wasn't thinking the lady was accusing me i just didn't understand what she meant Thank You girls x

 

[jillypoop]

To be honest, you just sound petrified and I would have reacted in exactly the same thing.

If you aren't well off, you might be eligible for legal aid, so if you havent already got a solicitor, ring round a few and ask if they offer legal aid. You need to be 110% honest with them, they know what they are doing and will help you out. You won't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with, especially not if the father is taking drugs. If you tell the solicitor everything, take any notes, letters, anything, in to them, they will help you.

You need to get a solicitor asap though if the court date is 17th November. The solicitors may be able to change it as you only instructed them a few days beforehand.

I used to work in the chilcare department in a solicitors so if you need any questions answered, i can try and help

xxx

 

[asacia]

Hows things going Amy?

 

[Amy-Lea]

I've been scared to post in this topic as people keep telling me I am not doing myself any favours.

On the morning of the court date I had a panic attack knowing I had to see him again and never went in. Few days previously his mum had approached me in Tescos and touched the baby and said is everything okay. i couldnt respond as I was again having a panic attack but she walked away and my partner caught be just before i passed out.

I'm too scared to even go shopping alone as the father lives a few roads away, I have panic attacks when ever i see a similar car or a friend of his. I dont know what to do. I am in all day every day which has made me gain a few stone hence more depressed.

I cant face court I am so happy in my life excpet for the constant panic attacks when ever his name is mentioned!!

 

[asacia]

Are you getting treatment for the panic attacks? Its important to deal with them as soon as possible - the longer you leave it, the harder it is to overcome them.

I think you do need to get some advice on this matter.

If you haven't already, it might be an idea to:
1) Go to the GP and get help with the anxiety
2) Go to the CAB and get advice on how to deal with this.

 

[Amy-Lea]

My GP isn't worth a penny.
He has no interest in you, he only wants to know if he can prescribe antibiotics for anything!! I've tried councilling, I've tried hypnotheraphy & under no circumstances am I taking medication!