Crazy MIL!! Advice please

[Blondemommy]

SIL is very close with her mom like I am with mine. To them (sil and oh) she's not so loud and emotional. But they grew up with all that. I didn't. But yes I am just assuming she will want her mom will her since I wanted mine with me. And if she don't then its not me who has to break the bad news to MIL so I'm not worried about that. I'm just mostly saying whatever to get her off my back

 

[Anthrogirl]

I'm with one of the earlier posters! Kick hubby out too if he's going to be so disrespectful of this amazing moment and find yourself a nice doula to help you and your mom out!

 

[Leesy]

The fact of the matter is, Mil has to respect your wishes. I'm sure hubby will come around to see your point of view. Just stay strong with your feelings on the matter and worst case as a pp mentioned the hospital staff will not let her in if she tries to force her way into your delivery room. I would be fuming if I were you, the stress is not needed especially so early on in your pregnancy. Good luck! xx

 

[Hunbun]

She sounds like an absolute nightmare!

I think they way she is acting is not only unfair but really rude! If it was me I would be telling her to grow up and respect your choices. I would also be saying to your OH that he should be seeing how this is upsetting you and dealing with it since its his mother.

 

[SIEGAL]

To be honest - I never understand posts like this. What kind of husband/MIL in their right mine thinks their parent has a right to be in a delivery room when you will be naked, pooping, screaming. I really just don't understand.

 

[zorak]

To be honest - I never understand posts like this. What kind of husband/MIL in their right mine thinks their parent has a right to be in a delivery room when you will be naked, pooping, screaming. I really just don't understand.

I totally agree! I find it so strange. My Mum has clearly stated that birth is a time for me and my husband as has my MIL. Also, just say no, I sometimes don't understand all the drama. If something makes me uncomfortable I am firm about saying no. I think my MIL thinks I can be difficult at times but I know she always appreciates the honesty.

 

[d_b]

That is so weird. I don't understand why anyone would want to see someone give birth!! My mom would never want to be in the delivery room and my MIL I suppose might like to be there but she definitely knows better than to ask. Just me and OH will be there like last time.

I really don't understand what happens if you have a bunch of people in the room after, either... do the other people stay there while you do skin-to-skin and try to breastfeed for the first time? It's like the most intimate family moment you'll ever get! Do they watch the placenta come out and the doctors sewing you up?

 

[Misslatino]

Sounds like my OH and MIL. I feel so sorry for you but can't offer advice! I luckily got to move 2100 miles away from MIL. But I totally understand about OH not ever wanting to break bad news... I had to tell MIL that yes we were moving to AZ and that yes I was pregnant. She cried and called me a bitch and said how could I want to move away and be with my mother when she was there for me! I hope someone can give you good advice honey. Just know I feel your pain!

 

[Nichole]

With my first, I only want my mother and DH. He brought up once, just once, why his mother couldn't be there too. I think she went to him to ask, because she disliked me and mostly wouldn't talk to me. I immediately told him that it's a very private moment, I need to be as relaxed as possible and she simply stresses me out. It was never brought up again. She did, however, stand right outside of the delivery room door (which was closed).

Just be strong hon. When it comes down to it, no one can make you let them in. It's just not her decision.

 

[mandaxx]

Ok, you really need to open your mouth here and say no. No one has any right to be in that room unless you're ok with it. Why are you giving your mother in law such free reign over your decisions? It's absolutely none of her business to be there! I would use some choice words if anyone tried to tell me who was coming in! I'm not even allowing my inlaws into the hospital to see me after. Last time they disturbed me when I was breast feeding so I said no I don't want any visitors ill see you after. Just say here's the deal, IM having a baby and the next time anyone mentions coming in the room with me the whole lot of you can stay home until I decide its time for you to see him/her. Just tell the midwives that no one other than your OH or whatever you decide, is to be allowed into that room. If they let them, you can sue them.

 

[mandaxx]

To be honest - I never understand posts like this. What kind of husband/MIL in their right mine thinks their parent has a right to be in a delivery room when you will be naked, pooping, screaming. I really just don't understand.

I totally agree! I find it so strange. My Mum has clearly stated that birth is a time for me and my husband as has my MIL. Also, just say no, I sometimes don't understand all the drama. If something makes me uncomfortable I am firm about saying no. I think my MIL thinks I can be difficult at times but I know she always appreciates the honesty.

I totally agree with both these posts!

 

[Starry Night]

Wow. Just read through this thread. Seems like a really tough situation...especially with your OH not supporting you.

I'm completely with everyone who is baffled by this notion that birth is some sort of spectator sport. If birth involved a fairy waving a wand and a baby appears out of fairy dust...then sure! Why not invite the whole clan? Have a barbecue or something. BUT in a place called REALITY birth is a highly intensive medical (though natural) process. A lot of things can go wrong and even when they all go right it is a very vulnerable time. Not only are body parts showing, you're crying, sometimes puking, pooping and even feeling scared. If people are there just to feel 'special' and to be entertained by the arrival of a baby they do not belong there in any way.

I would not want anyone other than OH even being there for the pre-labour. I cried during some of the bad contractions and had a panic attack. It was embarrassing enough as it was in front of the doctor and nurses. Couldn't imagine having relatives seeing that.

 

[Yipee]

I agree that you just have to say no, but also that you have time, so if you want you can just ignore the whole issue for a few (or 7) months. Once you're all huge and pregnant, your husband might be more sympathetic, and if not, oh well, you can still just say no. You are WELL within your rights to do that.

I want my mom with me too, and maybe my sister, as the three of us are very close, so I really understand where you're coming from there.

Your MIL has given birth, so she must be capable of understanding this. I can only think she just doesn't care about your feelings, which is sad. Try not to stress too much about it. At whatever time in your pregnancy you're feeling most calm and unemotional, just explain it to her firmly, and she can think or say what she wants, but you are in the right, and there's nothing she can do about it.