Cries/screams himself to sleep no matter what I do

[Fizzyfefe]

This is been going on for just about two months now, and I'm truly at a loss.

No matter what I do, my son will cry and/or scream himself to sleep for every single nap. I never ever wanted him to cry it out, but I feel that's what it's come to.

I put him to nap as soon as I see his first tired sign. It's generally two hours after he wakes up. Whether I hold him in my arms, cosleep, rock him in the chair, or put him in his pack and play, it doesn't matter. He screams and screams, sometimes to the point of hysterics, and then he seems to pass out from exhaustion. It will last anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour.

He's not hungry, wet, or sick. It can't be separation anxiety, as I'm right there next to him. Doesn't make a difference if I hold him or not, if I rub his back or sing to him or talk or be silent. Quite honestly, sometimes holding him makes it worse and seems to prolong the screaming.

The weird thing is that he does not scream himself to sleep when it's night time.

Does anyone else have a baby like this? What can I do? It's heartbreaking and I am going nuts. Even as I type this, he is screaming and has been for fifteen minutes.

 

[SarahBear]

It could be related to a "wonder week" if you've been able to rule out physical needs. I would just suggest holding him when he's like this. You said it makes it worse, so you'll have to be the judge of what that means:

• He doesn't want to be held and you should sit near him instead.
• He's not actually "worse," he just feels safe enough to cry all out and would benefit from being held while he's going through this hard time.

If you feel he needs to be put down, I'd just be near by for moral support and check in on physical needs here and there to make sure his needs are being met.

Purposefully doing deep breathing exercises might help too.

Another consideration - are you missing any tiredness cues? Maybe he needs a nap before the tiredness cues that you're catching?

 

[Fizzyfefe]

What would other tired signs be besides eye-rubbing and yawning? When he is overtired, he will do this laugh/cry switch-off before having a meltdown. He will get to the overtired point sometimes after fighting his nap for so long.

Does a wonder week usually last this long?

 

[SurpriseBub]

Maybe he just isn't ready to sleep?

We get that sometimes at nap or bedtime- if there is crying, i take LO back up and if we can play without tears, then I will just do that for a while (generally 30-60 mins) and try again.

A yawn might mean they are getting sleepy, but doesn't always mean they are ready for bed right then. I might be way wrong- but it could be worth a try. The way I see it, I also yawn and grumble a bit sometimes before I am actually ready for bed.

Good luck!

 

[george83]

My Lo is 20 months so much older but I can go through this with him at various times, he literally doesn't want anything and won't let me anywhere near him so screams and screams for close to 2 hours some times usually in the middle of the night

 

[sezzolou]

My 8 month old is the same at the moment. Until a couple weeks ago he would self settle with no fuss for all naps and night time. Now he cries prior to naps but never at bedtime. I think he's just realising what he's missing out on in the day when he naps and resists a little bit. If I go into him or pick him up he squirms and cries more so I leave him to it as long as he isn't hyterical and he's usually asleep within 10 minutes. I have a toddler aswell so unfortunately I can't spend time trying to rock or bounce him to sleep like I did with ds1.

 

[MumToEva]

Have you heard of the 90 minute rule - basically sleepiness goes in cycles of 90 minutes, and if you miss that 90 minute window then it's a lot harder for a baby to get to sleep, and you quite often have to suffer through another 90 minutes before they are able to go to sleep again. So by the 90 minutes from them waking up (or multiples of 90 as they get older) they should be back in their bed with you helping to soothe them back to sleep whatever way you can manage it!

My eldest was similar to you are describing, and it worked for her! Might be worth trying?

 

[HoneyBee144]

My youngest son is the same at the minute! At night he settles himself wonderfully but during the day for naps he always ends up crying before he goes to sleep. Luckily he only cries for about 5 minutes but its still horrible. I know it's heart breaking but I'm trying to just see it as a phase, I stay with him and either hold him or sit beside him so he knows I'm there. Sometimes I find it helps to talk to him...other times it just upsets him more!! My eldest son was a terrible sleeper but now goes down for naps/bed no problem so I look to him if I'm having a rough day, you can come out the other side!!

The world is a big scary place for a baby, there's a lot going on and a lot changing. I think to some extent a lot of baby's just get overwhelmed and it comes out when they are tired. Any ache, pain or emotion is magnified when you are tired.

 

[k4th]

Dd always showed tired signs after she *ideally* should have gone to sleep. Very helpful eh?? Ds is following suit

If you know he's always tired after 2 hours, try putting him down earlier - at 90 mins like a pp suggested. In my own (limited to 2 babies!) experience - screaming means overtired. And some babies deal with being overtired just fine, but others get distraught. Mine go for distraught!

 

[Fizzyfefe]

Ladies, I'm sorry, I totally forgot to respond to this! Thank you all for replying. I have tried both suggestions of keeping him awake to play and putting him to bed earlier. Neither have helped enough to make a difference, unfortunately. If I lay him down at the 90 minute mark, he just plays and talks to himself, which escalates to screaming and crying after half an hour or so. If I keep him awake to play, he won't scream while playing, but it starts as soon as he is laid down.

It's so frustrating! I hate that he cries like this. I don't know what else to try. Do some babies just need to cry in order to burn off energy?

 

[SarahBear]

I know that crying is sometimes needed. I don't know how "normal" it is to need to cry every time. You've done what you can. Perhaps this is just your baby's temperament.

 

[SurpriseBub]

sorry nothing seems to be helping! What does your pediatrician say? The only other thing I can think to try is something like a Tranquil or Twilight Turtle (both on Amazon). How much are you putting him down? Some babies don't sleep the number of hours all the CDC etc charts indicate they should (mine never has!). As easy as it is to say, I think all you can try is to do your best to relax about it and try what seems best in that moment. Sometimes there isn't much else we can do! Good luck

 

[Fizzyfefe]

It's just sad that he has to cry like that, I guess. Even our friends and family have made comments about how shocking it is.

The doctor said to leave him to cry it out for twenty minutes, then go back and check on him but not to pick him up as it only encourages his behavior.

He has dropped a nap since making the original post. He only naps twice a day now (between twenty minutes and two hours, never consistently), and about eleven hours at night.

 

[Fizzyfefe]

Oh, by the way, he has a toy similar to that tranquil turtle, only it's a giraffe. I've never put him to sleep with a toy or blanket before, so will definitely try it. You don't think that he'll associate it with play time? It's in his box of toys but he's never shown much interest in it.

 

[Fizzyfefe]

I'm sorry for three posts in a row... But OMG.

I can't believe my ears! It worked. He went to sleep just now with no screaming or crying. I'm in shock.

I hope it's not just a fluke! I absolutely can't believe it.

 

[HoneyBee144]

Aw bless what a cute picture!! I'm glad you found something that worked, fingers crossed it continues!

My boys both have a "special" cuddly toy they sleep with. My DS1 has a little blue bear that he takes everywhere with him and my DS2 has a little monkey with a blanket. They make a difference because for my boys they are a source of comfort so whether they are feeling anxious (at nursery for example) or its time to go to bed they are familiar and reassuring.

 

[SurpriseBub]

Awwwww, cute picture! So glad you found something that worked- fingers crossed it will keep working for you.

 

[SurpriseBub]

Edit: i should add that we have the giraffe too. We use that or a fisher price elephant with the twilight turtle. originally I wanted to avoid any sleep crutches, but it works for us so we stick with it.

Also- to manage expectations: we have a "good sleeper", but it isn't a 100% success rate by any means!

 

[SurpriseBub]

Oh and one more: ha! Sorry for my 3 posts too...

We leave the toys on the cupboard rather than in the crib. It was more as a sids precaution, but also eliminates much chance of play for LO.

I really hope your giraffe keeps working!

 

[SarahBear]

Yeah, we don't do "what the doctor recommends." Leo falls asleep in the carrier for naps and nurses to sleep on the bed at night. I don't believe in leaving a baby to cry. I have certainly let my babies cry, but I haven't left them to cry.