Crying and winging for hours before bed every blinking night

[tommyg]

Help I've had enought I can't take it any longer.

My childcare is crazy at the moment
Monday in Nursery he slept an hour
Tuesday at one Grans
Wednesday at the other
Thurday am - with me - pm at nursery
Fridays at Grans

Both Grans are tell me he goes to slept for them during the day no problem. He normally sleeps about an hour
I get him to sleep in the buggy at the weekends.
Nightime is a bloody nightmare rarely is he asleep before 10pm. We try to do bath at 8-8.30.

Even when life was settled he was a nightmare and started climbing the cot in January so we moved him into a bed I don't think he has ever actually gone to sleep in his bed mainly the hall floor and we lift him into bed.

Give me some ideas before I lose the plot.

 

[aimee-lou]

Sounds to me like he is over-tired. Is there a reason why his bath is so late? Earl did and still does go to bed around 7pm. Bath is around 6 for both boys. At that age they need around 11-13 hours sleep a night in order to function.

Does he get tea/dinner at nursery or do you feed him when he gets home? When I worked I wouldn't get home til 7ish, and hubby would do all the bathing and feeding etc for me so I would just do the stories and bed when I got in.

I would suggest, if it was me, doing the following:

Snack/tea and a drink when you get home - maybe a bit of telly or toys for half an hour to wind down and settle at home.
Bath/wash and into PJ's as soon as possible.
Story, bedtime drink and some wind down time (I used to do songs etc in bed, read a book and then say goodnight).

Once he's gone to bed and he's in bed, if he gets up keep putting him back with no talking to him and as little interaction as possible. Just say 'Bedtime darling' and replace him. I used to repeat kiss on the head as I was tucking him in so that that becomes a sleep cue (I've always done that since they've been newborns so they're very aware of it lol). On the first night it can take a couple of hours so be prepared for the long haul, but after a few days it'll start to take effect and soon he'll be falling asleep in his own bed. Don't make it a battle, don't punish him...just calmly replace him back in bed. It's bedtime, he should be asleep.

Hope this helps. I know how frustrating it can be. Earl was very simple in real terms, but Eddy is going to be trouble, I can tell already! lol

 

[tommyg]

My MIL wouldn't think to feed him on the days she has him which means by the time I finish at 5 get him, back to the house its 6.30 which means dinner is far to late too.

My mum feeds him on a Wednesday, but I'm thinking I should do his dinner early on a Monday and Thursday rather than wait for DH to arrive home

As I said my childcare is a bit random, I took on a full time job and we moved location at the same time so the nursery I wanted couldn't take him the days I wanted hence Grannies helping out. Come July he'll be in nursery 3 days which means life should be a bit more settled. It will be tough on DH for me to put him down early but this just isn't working at the moment for any of us either.

What time are your boys up in the mornings?

This morning he more or less slept to 11am which means he's missed his nap and gone to nursery thinking I should do as you suggested and get him into bed early tonight.

I've tried the back to bed thing but DH doesn't help, I can spend over an hour doing back to bed ask him to take over and give me a break and he starts interacting with him. Why the france would you put a 2 year old to bed with an ipod??? Seriously where is supernanny on the telly he needs to watch how to do this stuff.

He's away 2 nights next week so that might be my chance to really go for it.

 

[aimee-lou]

Boys are up anytime from 6.30 but usually 7-7.30 most mornings.

Hmmm...maybe you could ask that he be fed, even if it's just a sandwich and a banana, then at least he's eaten before you get him home and you could then just give him some supper.

My boys have dinner between 4 & 5 most evenings. Very rare it's any later and if it is we've normally been on a day out for example. This was also the case when Earl went to the childminders - he would eat with them at 4.30ish most evenings. Supper is then after baths etc. Children need sleep so for me, the sacrifice of not seeing them after 7pm is for their own benefit. it was hard when I worked full time and only saw him very briefly most day, but it meant that the time I did get with Earl, was great as he was well rested and in a good routine. It's all about balance.

Maybe give it a try and see how you get on. Speak to your OH and try to get him on the same page as you regards what time bedtime is and how you're going to tackle it. That way at least you know you'll be able to rely on his help too.

 

[seoj]

No other great advise- but consistency is for sure helpful. Not where LO is, necessarily, but wake/nap/bed times... we try to keep LO's day broken up pretty even and consistent. Obviously not always possible- but when she is over tired she will fight bedtime SO much harder. She rarely fights naps- so that's nice- but sometimes she'll nap 1hr, other days 2hrs (or occassionally more!)- so that comes into play for when bedtime occurs as well. She is typcially up at 7am, nap at 12pm, then bedtime at 7:30pm. She used to go to bed at 6pm for months- but more recently started sleeping longer for naps and not being as tired for bed- so we slowly pushed it back.

If you can- try to move bedtime earlier a little each day to slowly adjust. Not sure any of this help- just some thoughts. Best of luck!

 

[tommyg]

I can't believe ot he was in bed asleep at 8.15 absolute bliss. Neither of us can quiet remember the last time he was in bed so early.


Hopefully it means a decent sleep and we can go forward from here. Thanks for your support.

 

[tommyg]

Well it was a one hit wonder he had a long lie that morning and no nap. But the next day we were back to being up early and a nap and a late night.

Last night I let him CIO at the time I thought I was doing the right thing I've tried everything else and this morning he was really clingy not wanting to go with my dad which isn't normally like him. I can't decide if it was because he was so tired it was well after 11pm last night when he eventually fell asleep or if it was because I let him CIO.

Tell me I've not "damaged" my wee boy?

 

[PetiteMoi]

What do you think about maybe doing half an hour nap at the same time every day, then bedtime at the same time every night? I think consistency is the key here. Especially since childcare is a bit random for him at the moment, he will benefit from some stricter routines around sleeping and napping. Don't let him sleep till 11am or you will have a problem... Even though it's tempting to let him sleep.

Our daughter slept for 40 mins at nursery every day and started being really awake in the evenings and wouldn't go to sleep until 9 or 10pm. We stopped napping completely at 2.5 years and let her be a bit tired for the first few days, then she quickly settled into going to sleep at 8pm every night and being awake and happy during the day.

Sometimes you need to force a routine on them, it's good for them in the long run!

 

[aimee-lou]

Well it was a one hit wonder he had a long lie that morning and no nap. But the next day we were back to being up early and a nap and a late night.

Last night I let him CIO at the time I thought I was doing the right thing I've tried everything else and this morning he was really clingy not wanting to go with my dad which isn't normally like him. I can't decide if it was because he was so tired it was well after 11pm last night when he eventually fell asleep or if it was because I let him CIO.

Tell me I've not "damaged" my wee boy?

You wont have damaged him. Sleep is a taught skill and if you're not happy with how things are then things need to change. change isn't an easy thing to cope with even as as adult.....let alone as a child.

Way I see it you have a choice. You can either do it very softly and gradually, by changing times a little every day and adjusting things as you go along until eventually you get the bedtime you need/want, or you can do it kind of harshly but the results can, depending on the temperament of your child, be quicker in coming. My boys are very cut and dry, so therefore a softly softly approach just doesn't work. I have to be very strict and black and white with them, otherwise they'll work around it or things wont change at all. If you're choosing to do CIO, then you'll have to be consistent, and offer reassurance little and often. He's probably tired like you say and a little uncertain about what's actually happening. Explanations and being very clear and consistent with the boundaries you're setting helps him to understand and to realise how things are quicker.

it is very difficult, especially having to listen to your child cry, but keep the reasons for your actions at the front of your mind and do what you think is best.

 

[RachA]

Are you able to put a stair gate up at his door or else close his door right too?
We did the stair gate with Daniel and closed door for Esther.

If we didn't do this then they would just run around upstairs and take hours to settle-especially Esther.
By making it impossible for them to leave their rooms it meant that they would settle really quickly. Once Daniel realised he had to go to sleep we were able to take the gate away-this was after about 2-4 weeks.

 

[tommyg]

Thinking it's time for him to drop the nap completely he didn't sleep yesterday and was in bed just after 8.
Will see how he goes tonight but if I can get him to bed at the back of 8 every night it would be bliss, I love my wee boy but i hate the hours of fighting to get him to sleep every night. And he's so much happier in the morning if he sleeps well at night.