custody question

[rjb]

i'm not sure anyone will be able to answer this,
but i'm really wondering about it.
my FOB and I are completely split.
and I don't want him anywhere near my daughter.
but i'm wondering, if he does take it to court and somehow they decide to give him some kind of rights..
surely the wouldn't o anything like every oher weekend or anything, right?
not when she's really little i mean?
i'm really stressed out about the the very thought of it.

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Are you bfing? if so, breastfeed for as long as possible if that happens or if you're really worried about. They can't give him overnight visits or unsupervised visits if your ebfing because he can't very well nurse the baby!

Another thing you can do is just not put him on the bc. He'd have to go through the courts and get a paternity test and all that (which costs money. Or at least in NJ it does) to be added on to the BC. And tbh, if the jerk cba with you two now, I doubt he'll go and spend the money for a DNA test and a lawyer and court fees.

 

[divershona]

I agree with Ally, its the same thing over here in the UK

BF as long as you possibly can (if you are planning on) and don't put him on the BC, thats the only ways really to keep him away from your LO as long as possible without moving countries so he can't find you, which with a newborn wouldn't be too fun

 

[rjb]

Are you bfing? if so, breastfeed for as long as possible if that happens or if you're really worried about. They can't give him overnight visits or unsupervised visits if your ebfing because he can't very well nurse the baby!

Another thing you can do is just not put him on the bc. He'd have to go through the courts and get a paternity test and all that (which costs money. Or at least in NJ it does) to be added on to the BC. And tbh, if the jerk cba with you two now, I doubt he'll go and spend the money for a DNA test and a lawyer and court fees.

i wasn't ever going to put him on th BC, but it's good to know about the bfing thing. will they really take it into consideratation? i thought they would jus say he can give her formula or something

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

Are you bfing? if so, breastfeed for as long as possible if that happens or if you're really worried about. They can't give him overnight visits or unsupervised visits if your ebfing because he can't very well nurse the baby!

Another thing you can do is just not put him on the bc. He'd have to go through the courts and get a paternity test and all that (which costs money. Or at least in NJ it does) to be added on to the BC. And tbh, if the jerk cba with you two now, I doubt he'll go and spend the money for a DNA test and a lawyer and court fees.

i wasn't ever going to put him on th BC, but it's good to know about the bfing thing. will they really take it into consideratation? i thought they would jus say he can give her formula or something

Nope! Since breastfeeding is proven to be more beneficial to babies they would never make you give her formula so that FOB could have her overnight. They'd just tell him to wait until she's weaned off. If they did, I'd tell you to get a good lawyer and go after the judge who said that, seeing as that is disregarding your right as a parent to choose how to feed your child and forcing someone to feed their child in a way they don't want to (ff instead of bf or bf instead of ff) can cause a lot of emotional distress and even, in some cases, PND/PPD.

But 99.9% of the time they'll take that into consideration.

 

[18singlemom2b]

i worry about the same thing, i can't imagine FOB having my little one for even the day without me wanting him to he doesn't deserve it..

 

[aafscsweetie]

realistically, if he is not interested in being a father, then it would be a disservice to himself to go after you for rights to see your daughter, because then you could counter argue and ask for child support from him (are you planning on asking for child support? because then you'll have to get a DNA test since he won't be on the birth certificate). but if he does end up getting the DNA test done and fighting for rights, there is always a chance they will give him what he asks for... BUT-- i wouldn't worry too much about it. most judges are very reasonable and would take into consideration the fact that he has completely left you and showed no interest in fathering this lovely baby!! if i were you, i'd just keep anything and everything you can that shows he is unfit or not interested in being a father (whether that's facebook messages between the two of you, texts, whatever) because you'll need to somehow prove or state a reason why you don't want him around your daughter (if it does come to that). also, you would only end up going to court if you couldn't agree on something between the two of you. so if he is willing (and you are also willing), then you would have to draw something up on your own, go to mediation and present it to them, and then it would become a legal contract between the two of you. you would only end up in court before a judge if you couldn't agree on any custody arrangement.

but really i wouldn't worry. don't stress yourself out too much right now, just try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and cross that bridge when and if you come to it!

 

[Brionybaby]

I was going to post a thread asking similar to this too, basically i have emails off FOB threatening me while i'm pregnant with his child, an then saying he would take scarlett away and not bother giving her back.. Wats the custody situation if i show these, anyone know because now hes saying he's going to see a solicitor x

 

[divershona]

I was going to post a thread asking similar to this too, basically i have emails off FOB threatening me while i'm pregnant with his child, an then saying he would take scarlett away and not bother giving her back.. Wats the custody situation if i show these, anyone know because now hes saying he's going to see a solicitor x

I have no idea on the legal rights but unless you are proven to be an unfit mother (which is unlikely) then I don't think there is any way for him to get full custody legally without you just giving him your LO. Most courts will side with the baby's mother and the father will get visitation, either supervised or not depending on the situation between you and FOB. But in the eyes of the courts i imagine they would see the threatening emails as evidence of a violent and aggressive personality, therefore i would imagine that it would benefit your case if it ever did arrive at a court room, therefore even if he ever did get visitation (which would be unlikely due to the agressive personality) that it would be supervised by a court representative or a social worker rather than supervised by someone else who you both agree to have there like a family member.

None of this is definate as i'm not an expert in family law, but this is all information i have from friends that have experienced similar things and from my OH's big brother who was in the police so knows a fair bit about it all too.

Good luck though huni x x x x

 

[amygwen]

Ally is 100% right. I would definitely breastfeed if you can. That way you will have to be around with the baby if he ever did get rights to see her so you can feed her. There's no way he could have her by himself then. I have no idea if they would give him rights, if he someway did go through all the paternity testing and was the father then he could go to court. I don't know how they determine whether or not he gets her and for how long though so I can't help you with that. Just yeah, definitely try to breastfeed and for a while if you can!

 

[shimmy]

My sisters dad went for full rights a few years before he got them all taken away(long story). Of corse he did not get it. Men cant unless the mother is deemed unfit.
My mum insited on supervised visists, which meant he got a room with a professional or sometimes group rooms. Unless he is an unfit parent and you can prove this he will have access but you can make it as difficult and as long as process as you want if you really truely dont want him to see her. It can really drag out. just keep everything recorded, all the things he says, does, dosnt do, like take interest after the birth ect. Log it all!
Also if he is not all that good as a FOB he will maybe not turn up or miss days ect in which case he can get all rights taken away.
This was a few years ago my mum went through this and the times he did get access it was once a month. then none because he didnt turn up and pay maintenance.
Your best advise is to talk to a solicitor or a company that is there to support parents through this process x

 

[rubixcyoob.]

I would definately try and breastfeed for as long as you can, even if he weren't wanting custody!

On the custody front I know that in the UK the father can go to court and get shared custody of a child, regardless of being on the BC or not. BC just gives parental rights, which a person doesn't need to have to have custody. While you are BFing, FOB will have to have visits to LO supervised by you, and when LO stops breastfeeding, it may be that FOB gets LO overnight at the weekends or something.

Briony baby, I know that under UK law an order will not be made against a child, unless it would be detrimental to the child if an order were not made. Basically it means, unless the courts thought you were an unfit mother no action would be taken to remove them from you.