dad day at preschool and no dad

[Scout]

I don't know what I'm looking for, but feeling sad for dd. Got calendar for March from DD preschool which lists March 7 as Dad's day. Starts out with Donuts for dad and then celebrating dad as our super hero. 'Kids are to dress as their favorite super hero as we celebrate dad as our super hero'. It's a day for dads.

DD has no dad. The last I heard from him is when I called to let him know she had been born. He didn't ask me any questions about her, just said okay and that was that. I knew schools had Donuts for dad, but her preschool is having a whole day devoted to dads, and while it's great and I think dads should be celebrated, I just feel sad that dd doesn't have a dad.

Anybody been thru this? Wondering how dd will be; if she'll even realize or have any feelings about it. She's only 3, 4 in May, so not sure.

 

[jessmke]

Does she have an uncle or grandfather or even close family friend that is male that could go with her? Or perhaps you could go. Single parents are both mother/father to their children so I can't image the school would say no to that arrangement. I would worry she would feel left out if she didn't have anyone there with her.

 

[Parkep]

I agree with jess. I would get a close male relative or family friend to go.

 

[krissie328]

I was going to suggest the same as Jess. Even if you have a close family friend. Or for you are able to go that would be fine. At the schools I work in we often have male teachers/admin sit with kids with no dad's or ones that don't shoe up. We do try to be sensitive about it. I would hope her preschool would be the same.

 

[Zephram]

I would go yourself because you are mum and dad. YOU are a superhero.

 

[Rainbow82]

I would go yourself because you are mum and dad. YOU are a superhero.

This. You are the one doing everything for her everyday. ask her what she wants but I'm sure she would want you there.

 

[MindUtopia]

I'm so so sorry you're having to deal with this and honestly I have to say I find the whole idea pretty offensive. Not everyone has a dad - some kids have single parent mums, some have two mums, some had a dad who has recently died or who is deployed and they are grieving that loss, even when it might be temporary. I also really hate the idea that there has to be a 'dad's day' because somehow dads aren't expected to be involved every other day. My husband is around at our preschool just as often as I am and actually he probably does more drop offs and pick ups and does more around the house in terms of cooking and parenting than I do as I work longer hours several days a week. I hate this idea that dads are somehow extraneous, like when they are around, they aren't expected to be around as much so they need their own day to make them participate, or that everyone has a dad. My dad passed away when I was a teenager as did my husband's so I take pretty personally this assumption that everyone has a dad because actually a lot of children don't.

In terms of how you deal with it, if all the other kids are bringing their dads and you are uncomfortable with her being by herself, I'd go yourself (hopefully that makes them realise how offensive their idea might be), or I'd keep your LO home that day if you can and do something special just the two of you. I'd also honestly have a word with the preschool and explain that while their idea was probably well meaning, it actually might be really painful for some less traditional families that don't have a mum and a dad at home and maybe suggest some alternative ideas that could be more inclusive of everyone. They probably never even thought that it might not be because whoever came up with this idea probably has a dad who is still alive and in their life and they probably didn't even think that not every kid is in that situation.

 

[DeuceMom]

deleted

 

[jd83]

Does she have any other male figures that would be able to go, like uncle, grandpa, etc? She will notice if there is no one there for her that day, unfortunately. When my older son was in preschool, they did a muffins for moms day, and I had no idea that every mom was planning to be there. They didn't make it clear at all on the paper they sent home that it was something that was completely expected to be attended. I figured it would be some of the SAHMs who were able to go, and I had already taken time off for a few of the holiday parties, so I couldn't get that day off too. The school ended up calling me because he was in tears crying that his mommy was the only mommy not to come. It literally broke my heart, and I felt unbelievably awful that he was alone that day while the other kids all had someone there. So, having said that, I would either make sure she has someone to come be with her that day, or I'd keep her home that day.

 

[Scout]

I was going to ask my dad to go, but I think I'll ask her if she prefers my dad or me; let the choice be hers. If she picks my dad, and I think she will, I'll have to make him go. He loves her, but he is funny about things so I don't think he'll want to go. But if I stress how important to her it is, he'll most likely do it.

And yes, this is something all the schools do. They have donuts with dad, muffins with mom, grandparents day.... It's just that her preschool (which is a private preschool so they do it a bit different) is having a whole day celebration thing along with the breakfast donuts. It'd be much more inclusive though if they changed all those days to a breakfast with someone you love day or something like that.

I just hate if for dd. I dread the daddy daughter dances uuugg. Thanks ladies.

 

[ClairAye]

I would go yourself because you are mum and dad. YOU are a superhero.

This! I'm so glad my children's nursery don't do this is I too am a single parent, haven't heard from their dad in 2.5 years. If there was though I would probably go! You're both roles, I think it's important for kids to see that families are diverse.

If you don't feel comfortable though a male family member might be an idea. My son sometimes asks about other kids' dads but shrugs it off because he has my dad. I think it's really good that you are asking her, though. I hope whoever goes with her that she ends up having a lovely day!

 

[Pearls18]

Our nursery does stay and play sessions and it really annoys me, if we could stay and play I wouldn't be bloody paying for nursery, we need the childcare so we can work argh!! Anyway, I think it's a bit weird too and puts people in awkward positions, we have no family around and my husband is away with work a lot, if they did it with us I would totally go instead, why does a superhero have to be a dad? I'm sure they do a day for mums too but think they could just do a "bring in your superhero day" instead of stipulating who that should be. Please don't be hard on yourself!

 

[SarahBear]

I haven't been through this, but I'd talk to her about what Dads do and ask her who does that in her life (assuming there's a good male role-model in her life). Are the dads going to preschool with their kids on this day? If so, you could invite that male friend to fill in.

 

[Scout]

I asked her and she wants her Pa (that's what she calls my dad) to go. She loves him to pieces. I asked him, stressing how important it was and that she asked for him to go, and he has agreed. Yay!

 

[SarahBear]

I asked her and she wants her Pa (that's what she calls my dad) to go. She loves him to pieces. I asked him, stressing how important it was and that she asked for him to go, and he has agreed. Yay!

Awesome!

 

[catty]

So glad that that is not the norm over here. I know at Lucas nursery there are many single parents, just think its ashame on the children who might not have anyone to go.
Do they do a mums day? Feel they should have both if they do one.

Glad her Pa is happy to go

 

[ClairAye]

I asked her and she wants her Pa (that's what she calls my dad) to go. She loves him to pieces. I asked him, stressing how important it was and that she asked for him to go, and he has agreed. Yay!

Great! I hope they have a fun day!

 

[zorak]

This is a very American thing. We do Mother's /Father's day and its normal to get the kids to make cards but most establishments are very careful and say the card can be for a mum/aunt /gran/carer etc.

As a teacher I don't like the concept of getting the parents into school on Mother's /fathers day. No matter how carefully it's handled it would be upsetting for some. So many kids in my school are from single parent families or are in care so it'd be a minefield.