Dad wants to name baby after FIL, help

[Amygdala]

If the family connection is important to him, maybe there might be a compromise in using a different name from his family tree? His great grandfather? His maternal grandad? Mothers maiden name? Or simply a name connected to where his family are from?

 

[Buffyx]

I agree that if you don't like the name, then it should be enough of a reason for you not to use it.

I would have no problem being honest with my husband though about why I don't want the name. Are you sure you can't just have an open & honest conversation about it without it getting out of hand?

 

[Misscalais]

My 2nd son has my fils middle name. I don't particularly like the name but its also my husband's middle name and it goes nicely with his 1st name. If my hubby got to have a family name and then turned around and said i couldn't use a family name i wanted id be really upset. My 1st son also has one of his family members names for his middle name and my 3rd son has one of my mums family members names.
So i guess you need to compromise, is there another family member dh would like to use that you like better?

 

[jac4315]

My husband wants to give our son his fathers name as a middle name. Our last two babies were girls and we had discussed this already, and I was on board. But now that we are having a boy I have changed my mind. Here are my reasons:
1. I don't like the name
2. He is not close to his father, so I don't see why we should honor him
3. I really don't care for his dad
4. His father doesn't know a thing about who my husband really is- it's a very formal relationship.
5. FIL is a bigot and homophobe, so why would I name my son after him?

some problems:
1. We gave our first daughter my moms middle name- but she is my best friend and helps us so much, and my husband never objected
2. his grandfather, brother, and father all have this name, even though they use their middle names.
3. I don't want to upset my husband by telling him my reasons for not wanting this name. It could get ugly

Does anyone have any advice?
When my daughters were born we had a short list of names that we liked and my husband pushed hard for the names he wanted, and got his way both times. I just don't want to get into a battle of wills with him, and then lose and resent him for it.

This may have been suggested already and it's not quite the same situation, but is there another version of the name you could use? My husband wanted the middle name Ann for a girl because that's mine, and it's not that I don't like it, but it's very original and common. So I thought of the name Roxanne, Leah Roxanne. Still same form of the name but with a twist, and I've never heard that name around here.

 

[Em260]

A compromise could be to have two middle names and use the name you don't like as a second middle name? In my husband's culture it's traditional to use the father's name as a middle name, even if it's a girl. I'm not a huge fan of this but we compromised and made it the second middle name. It's really only on her birth certificate because every other form there is only space for one middle name.

But I agree with cherrylips - you shouldn't be guilt tripped into using something you dislike that much. I was able to compromise because I didn't like the way the name sounded. If I had as many reasons against the name as you listed above, I don't know if I would have been able to use the name.

 

[kerrymom]

My 2nd son has my fils middle name. I don't particularly like the name but its also my husband's middle name and it goes nicely with his 1st name. If my hubby got to have a family name and then turned around and said i couldn't use a family name i wanted id be really upset. My 1st son also has one of his family members names for his middle name and my 3rd son has one of my mums family members names.
So i guess you need to compromise, is there another family member dh would like to use that you like better?

My daughter having my mothers middle name does not compare with my son having my fil's name. I am very close to my mother, and my husband is not close to his father. They have practically no relationship, except when we see him in person at holidays. My husband tells me stories about things he did with his mother as a child, and his dad is never in the story.
I would be willing to put my personal feelings about him aside, if he meant a lot to my husband, but that's not the case. This is my only son and I won't name him after a person who is a disappointment as a father, and can't even be called a friend.

I will compromise on a name that we both like, and feel is a good fit for our son.

 

[kerrymom]

This may have been suggested already and it's not quite the same situation, but is there another version of the name you could use? My husband wanted the middle name Ann for a girl because that's mine, and it's not that I don't like it, but it's very original and common. So I thought of the name Roxanne, Leah Roxanne. Still same form of the name but with a twist, and I've never heard that name around here.[/QUOTE]

Not that I know of, the name is pretty straight forward.

 

[kerrymom]

So, an update for everyone:

My husband and I started talking about names again, and he brought up his dads name as a middle name again, and I told him I didn't want to use that name. He offered to let me choose the first name, and I again said that I didn't want to do it that way- I wanted us to choose together and both be happy.

He surprised me by suggesting his grandfathers name. His grandfather on his mothers side. The family history is that he was a very beloved member of the family who passed too soon. He was liked by everyone and he even raised his siblings when his own parents passed away.

I never met him, but Ive heard great things about him. I am thrilled that my husband made this suggestion- he gets to name his son after a family member and its a name we can both be proud of. We may have even found a first name that we both really like- although I want some second choices.

Thank you to everyone for reading my posts and offering their input. I am very grateful for your help.