Daddies on delivery day

[mrs_sasquatch]

I was reading an article the other day about hospitals that don't allow father's to stay with their SO and child after delivery, and have them leave as early as an hour after labor ends. The reason being: too many women who are uncomfortable with strange men being in the same ward...regardless of the fact that the men are there for a clear purpose with their own women. What is your opinion on this?

Personally, I'd never dream of being the person to deprive a new family of time together, and I would throw a giant toddler style fit if my husband wasn't able to stay.

 

[MummyToAmberx]

This is sadly the case in a lot of counties in UK has been this way for years i find it totally unacceptable as these men put 50% into creating that little baby too. The first night after baby is born should be spent together.

Is few new articles going around now how trusts are changing their policies which is great to see i only hope loads more follow.

Ive been lucky enough to be in and out same day, but this is main reason i choose homebirth with my 3rd.

 

[oneill614]

Wow that is crazy. I mean technically the father is not a patient, so he's a visitor and should be subject to some rules, but that is extreme. I'll have to ask about this at my hospital tour.

 

[tallybee]

This is one major factor in my decision to home birth. I couldn't handle that!

 

[MemmaJ]

I read an article about this recently too, but it was actually from the angle of women/patients about how they don't want/like partners being able to say.
A lot of women say it makes them feel uncomfortable, vulnerable and sometimes even unsafe knowing there is a male complete stranger as close as a curtain thickness away from them and their baby when they're sleeping (I assume that's if their partner hasn't been able to stay himself, maybe if he's had to be at home with another s child or something)...
Other women were saying they find it disruptive as partners were often wandering around the wards at night while their partner and baby slept, on mobile phones etc/making general noise....

I can see it from both sides to be honest. I don't think I'd like it if I was in a bay on a ward but I'll be getting a private/side room so it won't really effect me..!

 

[pinkpassion]

I would not be ok with dh not being allowed to stay!!! It was great having him when dd was born. But I know the hospital I deliver at patients don't share rooms!!! I think it'd be a different story if I had to share a room with a random stranger and a man!! But again, if a man was there it'd be to see his newborn.. I doubt he'd have crazy thoughts in his mind towards the woman on the other side of the curtain.... but you never know about people these days!!!!
I'm just glad our hospital is the way it is!

 

[Twinmum87]

Even thou as much as I would want ladies to have their OH with them, is a ward full of women only, you have all just been thru birth. You are all women. It's not the 'thoughts towards other women', that had not even crossed my mind. But after giving birth most women feel very vulnerable. Sometimes cannot move properly. Feel like they are constantly on display with all the feeding, maybe also unable to clothe properly due to things like epistomy or tear or what ever. Walking past a random strange women in the middle of the night to fetch a health professional or nip to the toilet is bad enough, bumping into a strange man is worse. After giving birth it is an extremely emotional time. Mothers could be seriously anxious, struggling majorly to get feeding going, suffering the start of 'baby blues' or PND and in that state, knowing there are a few strange men in the room with nothing but a curtain between them may be too much to handle. I am extremely private and introvert person. I would be in enough distress just being on a ward of women never mind all their OH's too. I could not handle breast feeding knowing my own family was sat on the other side of that curtain no matter how well I covered myself over. I had massive feeding problems and bonding problems because there was no where for me to attempt to get feeding privately last time as my babies were in SCBU. I don't ever want to feel like that again.

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

It didn't bother me to see other daddies walking around the Postpartum ward. They're there for their new families too!

We had a private room with DD, and the hospital actively encouraged the dads to stay the whole time, including providing them with meals at the same time the mother ordered. There was a pull out sofa in the room, and we had our own bathroom, so hubby only left to pick up his mother from the airport and to grab some Starbucks. I couldn't imagine trying to get through the first night or two without help!

 

[Dill]

I can't imagine giving birth at a facility that threw the men out. Even the hospital here -- which would be the lowest on the list of places I'd want to give birth -- has private labor/delivery rooms, so the "curtain's width away" is a non-issue. The birthing facility that I am planning on using has suites (complete with kitchenette and dinette) and encourages fathers to stay with their women until discharged. Even a couple's other kids, if any, are welcomed.

 

[mrs_sasquatch]

The hospital we've chosen to deliver at is private rooms only, luckily. And I don't think they stop dads from staying. I understand the vulnerability part (after all, I'm a girl too, lol) but I can't get over how unfair it is to basically tell a new father to get out. My husband would be devastated!

 

[jlw617]

I think it's insane to not allow the father to be there...it's their child and their wife, imo they have a right to be there...even in the U.S. Back when fathers used to not be allowed in some delivery rooms, there were cases where police had to be called because the fathers refused to leave, even though you're talking about postpartum, I still believe the father has every right to be there.

 

[MemmaJ]

Can I just clarify I was talking about the opinions of women on the postnatal ward (not labour/delivery), who are in a shared bay with 4-6 other patients (separated by curtains, with a shared bathroom, etc) : not those in private rooms as that's a whole different kettle of fish and is why I'm glad I'll be having a private en-suite room!

The article I read included women saying that partners were trying to get in the bathroom while they were struggling to change pads, shower etc, were on the phone relaying birth story to family and friends throughout the night etc. Sometimes something as simple as partners moving the curtain between their own partner and them, and feeling exposed as they were unable to get up and close it again themselves.

Although part of me thinks they could have paid for a private room if it bothered them that much, but some women don't have a choice for the first night (e.g caesarean sections can't go in a private room on the first night at my hospital)
I do understand some points, although some may be exaggerated for a better article(!), but I am also glad OH will be staying with me - in a private room!

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

At the hospital in which I gave birth your partner could only stay if you had a private room and I totally agree. It isn't fair though to the other women/families in a ward setting where it is only a curtain separating you. I would have lost my sh!t if I was in shared "accomodations" and the people around us were loud or smelled of cigs or something while I was trying to settle/feed baby or get some much needed sleep...likewise I wouldn't want to impose on other families during their first moments!

Birth 1 we had to pay the difference, as insurance only cover semi-private. Birth 2 was difficult circumstances, DH shouldn't have been allowed to stay but they showed us great respect by not filling the other bed and allowing us the whole room. Birth 3 we had private coverage but no one stayed anyway as DH was at home with DS, I still would have paid the difference as I really, *really* enjoy my privacy, especially since I'm uncomfortable in general while in the hospital.

I want to give everyone the benefit if doubt, and believe that everyone would be respectful in this type of situation but my life experience tells me that isn't the case. There are too many selfish people and too many versions of what people believe to be acceptable behaviour.

 

[lau86]

Tbh I think ideally all women would have a private room, as that's pretty much the way our hospital has gone for most births (poorly women are kept on the ward I think). My husband has a huge role to play in those first hours, with my first son he had to keep him whilst I was taken away for a spinal block and to have my many stitches put it, the other alternative would've been for a midwife to keep him which is obviously a second best choice next to the child's dad.
I do get the vulnerability thing but I think the vast majority of dads are just looking after their own child/ mum.
That's all coming from someone who has never had to stay on a ward, I've always had a private room so it's obviously a bit skewed.

 

[Penguin20]

I think partners should be allowed to stay even if your sharing a room, I think there should be rules for example if your partner is staying you must have curtains closed at all times, after a certain time you have to respect other women sleeping, at my hospital in uk partners can stay 9am-9pm so what does it matter if they stay the night as it only extra 10 hours or so.
Some women need there partners there for support and partners want to bond with their child and I think kicking them out an hour or two after is wrong as where the time to bond or support their partner when she just gone through a tiring labour

 

[Dill]

Even after giving birth, women are kept in private rooms at our crappy little hospital, c-section or no. The idea of staying in a regular recovery ward is horrifying!

 

[Indi84]

Dh had to go home every night after visiting hours when I was in for 5 days after birth. I cried every time, the worst was when he cried too, he is pretty solid normally, not a crier at all! He didn't want to leave us. Even private room he had to go (uk)
I really wanted a home birth but due to what kept me in last time (eclampsia) I'm high risk
It was my worst hospital memory, I find it very odd other women voted keep them out, but the wards are very close quarters.
First night was eight of us in the room, eight newborns, some ladies snored, I found it torture! I went into a private after that.

 

[Misscalais]

My hubby wasn't allowed to stay the night but wasn't rushed out after labour. But with my last bub ( different hospital to 1st ) i only found out after i went home that hubby could have stayed the night! And that was a pretty rough night for me so would have been helpful to have him with me.

 

[nnaime]

I would give birth in the hallway with my man if that were the case haha.
That's really so sad though. The two people the child will be most bonded to should be in the same room for some of the most important moments in life I would also throw a toddler style fit before I waddled into the hallway with my husband

 

[apreslaube]

My hospital does only private rooms with a couch for dads/partners. I chose this hospital due to it being more of a birthing center rather than just labor and deliver ward. It's an awesome place. I think if it wasn't private I would be very uncomfortable with a strange man in my room separated only by a curtain.