Damn the US sometimes...

[MarieMo7]

So. I am due in just over 3 weeks and want to try for a VBAC. I'm a decent candidate, though my (completely awesome and supportive) OB has given me a less than 50% success rate given the reason for my first section...so obviously am nervous about it. Still trying to decide what's best for me, my husband, our older daughter, and our new baby girl.

And then I get reminded...if I have a VBAC, I get paid for 6 weeks of short-term disability - minus a one week waiting period, so 5 weeks. If I have a RCS, I get 8 weeks, minus one week, so 7 weeks. I seems insignificant but in the grand scheme of getting to spend time with my family and not having to go back to work so quickly, it makes the RCS that much more appealing.

Ugh. This country's maternity laws leave a whole lot to be desired. I wish this wasn't a factor in my decision, but it really, really is.

 

[ajlj1126]

I really hate the maternity benefits here too. I saw a chart the other day and we're one of like 4 countries in the world who don't offer better benefits to growing families.. even some "3rd world" countries had WAY better laws for new mama's.

I'm lucky in that my DH doesn't want me going back to work after this one, so I will be able to stay at home but the money will be tight!

Also, I don't know for sure but I think through FMLA laws they have to give you more time, it would just be unpaid, if I remember correctly I think they have to give you at least 12 weeks regardless of your delivery. I'm not 100% sure on that, though.

 

[Beee]

I really feel for the American ladies on here when it comes to maternity leave. I feel very lucky for the system we have in the uk that (most) mums can benefit from.
I can understand the dilemma, but I guess the recovery from the c section would mean that although you will be off for 2 extra weeks, you will be more limited as to what you can do with your family.
All the best with your decision xx

 

[MissyLissy]

Ugh! Super annoying! I'm with you on the good ole USA and our maternity laws leaving much to be desired (and many of our other social programs as well...but that's not for this thread). I get super jealous of the UK/Canadian ladies and their year maternity leave. If that were in place here, I could have made much different decisions regarding my work and employment that would have made better sense for our family, but c'est la vie.


That's a tough decision, MarieMo. I know your desire to have a VBAC and I SO get that. But omg, that extra 2 weeks paid at home would be hard to pass up. What was your recovery time like after your last section? Would it be a quality 2 weeks at home, or would you be better off with a shorter amount of time at home where you also aren't recovering from surgery?

 

[MarieMo7]

I do get 12 weeks of unpaid leave - the pay portion is the part that stinks.

Missy, the recovery honestly wasn't terrible. My husband will be off work the first two weeks, and he works from home anyway...so he'll always be around. My parents live 10 minutes away. My older daughter will stay in daycare - first off because we're not guaranteed a spot if we take her out, but also because she's a very active girl who craves routine, and we want to make sure her day-to-day isn't disrupted. So even though recovery would likely be tougher with a RCS, it would still be quality time at home with my family nonetheless...and I wouldn't have to change all the diapers

I keep thinking about how I want this birth experience, but if I get it, it's going to impact my family - either with less time before I have to go back to work, or still taking my full leave but having to rely on savings and credit cards to do it, thus hurting us financially in the future. And especially over the holidays!

I'll probably still try for the VBAC, but my elective RCS will be scheduled for Monday November 24 - at 40+5 - just in case. I'm half-hoping I go into labor on my own SOON, and half-hoping it doesn't happen by Nov 24 so I can have an excuse to not have to make the choice

 

[MissyLissy]

I'm glad to know your c-section recovery wasn't bad last time! I'm getting pretty nervous for mine- 8 days!! Gulp!

Good luck with your decisions. Not easy choices, I know. I agree with you though, that maybe at the end of the day it will be out of your hands and your body will decide for you which way you'll have your daughter, either by VBAC or RCS.

 

[MarieMo7]

I'm glad to know your c-section recovery wasn't bad last time! I'm getting pretty nervous for mine- 8 days!! Gulp!

Good luck with your decisions. Not easy choices, I know. I agree with you though, that maybe at the end of the day it will be out of your hands and your body will decide for you which way you'll have your daughter, either by VBAC or RCS.

The best advice I can give is to get up and move around as soon as you can. As soon as I was up and moving, I felt SO much better and my recovery went quicker! I was lazy (tired, hurting) my first couple of days and noticed a drastic difference in my recovery as soon as I got my butt out of the bed!

Can't believe you're so close, Missy! Only 8 days left till you meet your babies, wow!!

 

[Selaphyna]

MarieMo, this is part of why I'm unsure if I should just be induced or not. If I'm induced, there is a chance it could lead to cs. We (doctors, myself and Oh) are all hoping to avoid that, as for more for the recovery time than anything (and this is more for OH taking off work to help, than for me), and then I think about it, I get 8 weeks (7 weeks paid for short term) vs 6 weeks (5 for short term).

 

[apple_20]

8 days missy wow love it!

C-section recovery for me was good too just keep on top of pain meds ( laughably after major abnominal surgery that consisted of paracetamol for me) and I second get up and moving (slowly). I found a pillow to hold onto me when I sneezed/coughed/ went over a speed bump as that does hurt!

 

[MissyLissy]

Thanks for the advise, ladies!

 

[DragonflyWing]

I'm right there with you...the extra two weeks really was a large part of my decision to go with a repeat c-section. Now wouldn't it be nice if the 7 weeks of short term disability was 100% pay instead of 60%??

It's basically my dream that the US will institute 12 weeks at 100% pay for maternity leave. I can't even imagine having a whole year off!

 

[emeeorevan]

Ugh! I know I hate that we don't have any real laws about it. The only real law inknownof is that al employers have to be willing to give up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave per fmla. I don't get any maternity leave pay or shot term disability as I didn't purchase the extra coverage.
I only have sick days to use as paid days and then I can take FMLA and get the rest of my time off unpaid but I can't afford to take off unpaid! I understand your dilemma. I sorry you have to make such a decision!

 

[Selaphyna]

I personally hate that most fathers have no leave here in the US, which I think they should. My OH is entitled to FMLA, but it have to taken consecutively. Luckily he has a wonderful supervisor that has said, don't worry about the first couple days that he will need to take off to be with me during labor and the days afterwards so I can get into a routine. But he is going to use a few weeks of his FML after I go back to work, so we don't have use child care until hopefully after the 1st of the year.

 

[emeeorevan]

I personally hate that most fathers have no leave here in the US, which I think they should.

My dh doesn't get any time off either. But he too has a good boss and job where he can tame time off but it will be without pay. (he has used all of his yearly vacation already (only gets one week and no paid sick days which is crazy cause I get 5 vacation and 10 sick days a year and mine carry over his do not!!)

 

[ILUVSHOPPING]

Ugh! This gets to me as well because I'd love a vbac but since I am taking my full 12 weeks under fmla, I'd like for as much of that time to be paid as possible. I felt like my time was robbed when DD was born last year by c-section. 3 of my weeks were spent visiting her in the NICU and I didn't qualify for fmla because I hadn't been at my job for 12 months yet.

 

[DragonflyWing]

Ugh! This gets to me as well because I'd love a vbac but since I am taking my full 12 weeks under fmla, I'd like for as much of that time to be paid as possible. I felt like my time was robbed when DD was born last year by c-section. 3 of my weeks were spent visiting her in the NICU and I didn't qualify for fmla because I hadn't been at my job for 12 months yet.

Aw, the same thing happened to me with my twins. They were in the NICU for 4 weeks, so I only got 4 weeks at home with them before I had to go back to work. It was really tough!

 

[Ashersmomma]

I am a SAHM now, but with DS, I was working. And I got seriously screwed. I didn't have short term disability for the 1st year I was working, and had to wait until open enrollment to get it. I was already pregnant at the time. I was told that since pregnancy is not considered a pre-existing condition that I would be covered. Wrong! They denied me. Luckily not long after DS was born, DH got a better paying job and I ended up being able to not go back to work.

There needs to be some major changes to FMLA. PAID leave for mothers AND fathers. And longer leave as well.

DH doesn't qualify for FMLA at his current job, as he's was a temp for a while and just became permanent today. But he did find out that the company does give 3 days paid paternity leave! So he will only miss 2 work days with no pay(only taking a week off to help after my c-section)

 

[Missy08]

Yes, that part really sucks! When I had DD2, I had an EMCS and I only took 4 weeks off because none of it was paid

As a PP mentioned, the US is one of the few countries that doesn't require paid maternity leave.