DD not listening

[LaughOutLoud]

I don't know if it's me or if I'm creating this but my 6yr old doesn't listen to me. Like today her cousin came down an they went up to her bedroom. I went up to see them an they were reading until my niece started pulling books out without putting them back an I said you'll slip you have to put them back. My DD started pulling books out for my niece an when she wasn't interested in them was leaving them on the floor too. I told DD she needs to listen me, said ok an starts ignoring me. She needed to learn something for her Arabic class, which she goes after school. However, she gets home at 4 an leaves at 5 so has time to wash, get changed an have a snack an then do a quick revision but she takes so long having her snack that there's no time left for the revision or me to know how/where she's progressing so ends up going and self teaching the revision.

Then I was telling her to wear Her cardigan under her coat as she usually does but didn't want to listen, saying she don't do that and I got mad at her.

Last night at dinner time, again her cousin was here who has a tendency to spill things so I left their water cups behind me instead of on the table to avoid spillage. I said if they need it I'll pass it an to leave them there. DD decides to bring the cups onto the table. I'm speaking saying no leave it there but she plainly ignores me. I said you won't get a chocolate egg now as you didn't listen. Then after dinner I got a phone call and DD decided to give her cousin and herself the chocolate egg. I was on the phone but said I told you that you were t having that but they'd already got it.

I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall. I'm not sure if she needs to spend more time with me as she is always with her cousin, every day. Normally she goes to her cousins house (which is where my parents live too) or they are here. I feel like we're losing connection?

 

[noon_child]

There are a few things here:

1) pick your battles - if it's not absolutely essential she do as she is told, then let her make her own choice. E.g if she doesn't want a cardigan let her chose not to wear it. This will cut down on the number of things you say "no" to, meaning it will have more importance when you do say it.

2) follow through - if you want her to listen to you and take you seriously then there has to be a consequence for not listening. the consequence chosen depends on your parenting style. If you think it would be a bit harsh to disciplin her for something, then that's probably something where you could have let her chose/act without telling her what to do

3) reasons - sometimes kids just have to listen, but sometimes they need to understand why you have done or said something. The water cups was an example of where she thought she was being helpful and decided not to listen because she assumed her reason for bringing them was better than your reason for leaving them where they were.

4) expectations - my personal opinion is that it's a long tiring day at school and she needs a break between it and Arabic class, like you said for a snack etc. to try to squeeze revision in to that time may just be expecting too much. Especially as revision is something that helps info stick long term while you aren't at class. Doing it straight before class seems more like cramming (she'll look like she understands it in class because you just did it 10minutes before hand but really the teacher needs to know she still understands it days later.)

Sorry I've not been able to explain myself more. These are just my suggestions and you can take or leave them depending if you think they make sense.

 

[OmarsMum]

Here is what I do, I put words into action

Putting the books away- I stay, handle him the books and let him do it when I'm standing there without shouting or repeating my words, if he doesn't do it, cousin goes home. I'd do the same with the cardigan , I'd give it to her & ask her to put it on, if she argues, I'd explain to her that it is cold outside, so arguing is not acceptable & she has to put it on. Again without shouting.

Extra studying - we struggle with this as we also don't have time, we just talk about what he's taking at bedtime or in the car, if she's following up & doesn't seem to need help I wouldn't push it. Just buy few stories in Arabic & encourage her to read at bedtime, this is what I'm doing, he's advanced in English so now we read more in Arabic. Quran memorizing I use an app on the mobile & he memorizes on his own without my help & he's doing great.

Does she go to classes everyday? Omar attends after school classes twice on weekdays & on Saturday mornings, on the days he goes to classes we don't do any studying, at her age I think going to classes everyday is too much.

when he doesn't listen I step in, now he knows I am always serious when I ask him to do something & now he listens most of the time.

 

[LaughOutLoud]

Here is what I do, I put words into action

Putting the books away- I stay, handle him the books and let him do it when I'm standing there without shouting or repeating my words, if he doesn't do it, cousin goes home. I'd do the same with the cardigan , I'd give it to her & ask her to put it on, if she argues, I'd explain to her that it is cold outside, so arguing is not acceptable & she has to put it on. Again without shouting.

Extra studying - we struggle with this as we also don't have time, we just talk about what he's taking at bedtime or in the car, if she's following up & doesn't seem to need help I wouldn't push it. Just buy few stories in Arabic & encourage her to read at bedtime, this is what I'm doing, he's advanced in English so now we read more in Arabic. Quran memorizing I use an app on the mobile & he memorizes on his own without my help & he's doing great.

Does she go to classes everyday? Omar attends after school classes twice on weekdays & on Saturday mornings, on the days he goes to classes we don't do any studying, at her age I think going to classes everyday is too much.

when he doesn't listen I step in, now he knows I am always serious when I ask him to do something & now he listens most of the time.

The general norm here is for the classes to be everyday - that's how we learnt too but after she finishes at 6.30pm she goes to my mums for dinner...I'm pregnant an haven't been able to cook but back to cooking now an niece comes here. So I think may be I'm not enough spending Enough time with just her.