Dealing with a Heart Break?

[babygirl02201]

Turns out that me and my daughters father can not seem to keep the peace between us. We have been into arguments back and forth since before we conceived our daughter. Now it turns out we are deciding to split, well he's deciding to split and this is my first child.. My first experience and I never pictured to have a child without the father in the picture. Part of me wants to work things out and another part of me says it may be what's best so all the fighting could stop. We mentioned co-parenting but I'm not sure what that will even look like at 6months pregnat with my first child. Any advice or how to cope and advice on coparenting?

 

[SaraVO]

I am so sorry you're going through this kind of heartache with a baby due. I think my best advice would be to see a lawyer and get your situation with your boyfriend formalized on paper. For the babies future and your own well being. I'm just going to guess that you are both pretty young and sometimes it's hard to see things clearly especially when you're pregnant. But not having the what ifs of child support and wondering how much emotional support you can expect bwill only make things harder. If he doesn't plan on being there for the late nights and all the moments in your babies life it would be better to know and prepare yourself then to just wait and see. But regardless of his emotional attachment to you and your baby he has financial responsibilities to his baby and not having it in writing on paper is a pretty big risk to take with your babies future.

 

[babygirl02201]

Yeah I have been avoiding the legal part because I grew up with parents who couldn't get along or handle things without the courts! I just feel so stupid for even having a child with someone who would be so selfish and leave at this time of need!

 

[krissie328]

I would have to agree with Sara. You need to get things sorted legally. Without that you and your daughter will only suffer if he goes back on his word. I would not trust him to not pay child support or help you if needed.

 

[babygirl02201]

Thank you! I wouldn't want that to happen. I didn't sign up for this by myself, so I shouldn't have to do it all by myself!

 

[SaraVO]

Thank you! I wouldn't want that to happen. I didn't sign up for this by myself, so I shouldn't have to do it all by myself!

Exactly. I had friends who had babies young and just about every one of them ended up the sole provider and single parent. There opportunities were diminished because the dad's were just allowed to walk away. These young woman really never recovered. I had a friend who had her son at fifteen and she is still living at home unable to support herself sixteen years later. Another friend is not the legal guardian of her daughter because her parents took that over because she couldn't provide health care. I don't want to make you feel bad. But even child support from the beginning would have allowed them to go to college or move out on their own. And their children now teenagers feel abandoned and struggle with their self esteem because their fathers didn't care about them. It's harsh but if they had grown up knowing that their dad's were at least providing for their well being it would have made a difference.

 

[babygirl02201]

That's exactly what I'm worried about. He claims he will be there but he claimed he wouldn't stress means be here throughout this whole process. So I can't trust his words at all. His actions don't show much because he's always doing the bare minimum! So, I just don't want my daughter to grow up damaged because he dad didn't want her!

 

[ClairAye]

I would support legal advice at least. I'm a single parent and my children's father hasn't seen them in over a year and owes them over £1200. I can't do anything about it, really. I've been through a lot of stress over the year trying to get the money he owes them but I've still gotten nothing. This is a 26 year old man as well so I think having something in place would be best, if there is anything you can get put in place.