Dealing with comments about weight

[elfy_p]

Hi,
I'm new here and just wanted to ask some advice about how to deal with people's comments and my feelings about my weight gain.
I'm 23 weeks, haven;t weighed myself for a few weeks but at last weigh in I'd gained about 15lbs. I'm only 5ft 4in tall so I think I look pretty gross already. My bump is HUGE, its my 3rd baby and I look like a hippo. I've had serious weight issues in the past and am terrified of getting fat and not being able to lose the weight after baby is born. I do get really upset (fella says I get hysterical) about my weight and how I look and its not helped by insensitive comments.
My mum said she noticed I'd gained weight, my mum in law (who can be a bit tactless) said she can tell I'm pregnant from behind (in other words, youre fat) and one mum at my daughter's school calls me chubby every time she sees me, and keeps saying I must be having twins (I'm not).
The woman at school just annoys me, specially as she's rather chubby herself, and looks and dresses like a man.
What mum in law said has upset me the most, her daughter barely gained any weight in either of her pregnancies, but she still commented to me that daughter still looked pregnant when she came home from hospital after having baby. I feel like she thinks I'm fat, greedy and disgusting and not good enough for her son. It's like she thinks I shouldn't gain weight because her daughter didn't.
I don't bother asking midwife about this, all they will say is eat well and exercise, which I do as much as I can but do slip up, maybe too often.
Any advice would be appreciated as I have cried too many tears about this and need to help from ladies who understand.
Sorry for long rant!

 

[TMG1980]

I personally don't 15 lb weight gain to be excess at 23 weeks, but pretty spot on with the recommended weight gain of 25-35 lbs during pregnancy.

Personally, I say F*** them... If they are that rude and insensitive about it.... Your growing a baby for god's sake... The baby and uterus, extra blood and what not all add weight....

I have gained more than 20 and I am only 22 weeks... I have stopped weighing at home because I just don't want to be bothered by it.... You can be on a strict diet and exercise after the baby has arrived also if you breast feed you can burn additional calories by doing that as well....

I am sorry you have to deal with this, I think you should be treated like a princess while pregnant! Just my thought.... Have you told your husband about how his mom is making you feel? Perhaps he could talk to her about how insensitive she is being toward you?

 

[flashy09]

Wow, you are dealing with some unbelievably rude people. ‎"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes." --William Gibson

I don't know who he is, but I just copied that for you from a friend's facebook status. Don't feel bad about yourself, 15 lbs is nothing, your MIL is just trying to undermine your confidence and the school mother obviously insecure herself about weight and looks and picking on someone else makes her feel better.

 

[BlaireUK]

I think flashy09 make a great point and I love the sentiment of the quote!

You are obviously anxious enough about your weight which isn't being helped at all by all these insensitive comments. Unfortunately you're going to have to try and put them to the back of your mind and switch off when people mention you weight (because they will right up until lo is born).

Your weightgain so far sounds ideal to me. Your priority is your lo and making sure they have everything they need while in there.

 

[Kasia]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with that. Even though I feel & look like a whale, all my family & friends constantly tell me I look beautiful. Although I know they are full of crap, it's nice to hear compliments & positive remarks instead of adding to my steadily declining self image. Lots of to you

 

[missmayhem]

my retort, my midwife says i'm fine, are you a medical expert? no? then your opinion is worthless



my fav atm is actually i've lost weight, so its all baby (this is true for me but i still look fat UK 18/20 pre bub)



wither that or just burtst into tears and call her a tactless bitch (i don't this once and they've left me along since)

 

[krismarie621]

Aw I'm sorry sweetie. I think you should get your SO to talk to his mother and tell her that her comments don't help and aren't what you need to hear, and tell your mom that, too.

Aside from that, you can either tell people that your doctor tells you that you're where you should be for weight gain, or just ignore them. People are going to make comments - it sucks but it is what it is. Yesterday a co-worker said to me, "Are you sure you aren't carrying twins in there?" and I just said "Yes, I'm sure" and walked away.

I don't understand how people think that saying things like this is okay.

 

[booboo42]

your weight gain seems really fine to me too. i have gained 15lb and i am only 18 weeks! i know how big it makes you feel though, but your family should be nurturing you when you are vulnerable. get your OH to sort them out!

 

[MummyCat]

Oh honey!! that must be very hard for you! I'm not an ideal weight and I don't feel great about myself... but if my mother or MIL had anything nasty to say I would tell them that comments like that are hurtful and there is no need for them. I can promise you, your stomach doesn't shrink back to what it was the minute the baby is born... so you're naturally going to look a little pregnant or like you've just had a baby after you have a baby. Not quite sure what your MIL was expecting? she had kids too, perhaps she's forgotten!

Anyway... try not let it get to you, you've controlled your weight well if you're at 15lb's gain and you can always lose weight afterwards if you want to. Lose it for you... not anyone else!

 

[elfy_p]

Thank u ladies =) it helps that at least some people understand how I feel!
Hubby says his mum didnt mean anything by what she said, which she probably didn't, but she can sometimes says really tactless, hurtful things. I lost a baby to an ectopic last yr, so didn;t want to hold my SIL's new baby, and she said I 'had my head up my arse about babies'. I nearly pulled her up about that one but didnt want to cause an argument!
I would love somebody to tell me I look great but nobody does, hubby says I look 'fine' and says I'm not fat, and I'm being over sensitive!
Thank u again for all your replies =) xxx

 

[Sini]

I can relate. Ive had weight issues in the past. I reached my goal weight after a hardcore exercise regime and a healthy diet and then out of nowhere I found out I was pregnant. I do fear I will put on weight and be a fat blob again.. But Ive lost weight before and im sure I can do it again if I do gain a lot of weight during this pregnancy. So far Ive only gained a tiny amount, however people and my MIL especially likes to comments how much ive gained weight, how I enjoy eating obviously and how I will be massive when the baby is here.

First of all, Ive learnt to love myself, second thing is that she is the size of a barn door so she shouldnt talk like that to other people, she should know what it can be like if you are overweight.

I dont really care what other people think/say at the mo. I know I will be able to tone up after our baby is here and Ill be fine. Some people just think its ok to be rude and comment on other peoples looks. Usually they are insecure themselves.

Hang in there hun x Im sure ull be just fine!