Dealing with LTTC and the holidays!

[Armywife84]

As LTTCers we're all dreading the holidays. We can't escape that the 2 most popular, upcoming holidays (thank god Mother's Day is in May) are centered around family and children. That means dealing with your MIL making references to grandchildren, watching your niece (who you don't see often) grow from last Christmas and is already a toddler rip open her presents, and seeing your pregnant relative stuff her face . As if the holidays weren't stressful enough!

So tell me how are you spending the holidays? Will you brave the holidays surrounded by toddlers and infants? Or are you skipping Christmas and skiing in the Swiss Alps?

 

[Armywife84]

Decided to keep it short and to the point, then add my reply.

I managed to persuade my DH to stay at home for Thanksgiving instead of being surrounded by toddlers and a pregnant SIL. Not to mention when my mother drinks she goes on and on about grandchildren. Yes, she's aware of our infertility.

Christmas on the other hand is the holiday I'm dreading the most. We're trekking back to his rents, so I will potentially run into nieces and nephew, plus the 8 month pregnant SIL . I've already told my DH, I can't deal with my pregnant SIL and will be spending the majority of my time at my parent's house where it's a baby free zone. He's not too happy about it, but I can't put myself through that heartache when it's supposed to be a cheery time. Next year if we're still childless, I plan on skipping the holidays and taking 2 vacations around those times!

 

[wonderstars]

I don't blame you for not wanting to spend time around your SIL. That would be so tough. I think your hubby needs to give you pass.

For me this holiday is going to be rough. I was supposed to have had a baby by now! My family has no expecting gals but my friends on the other hand. My girls and I are a posse of 5 and our get together this year will consist of: one girl with her 1 yr old, one girl with her newborn, one girl who is 8 months pregnant and another 4 months pregnant.....................and then me. I really don't want this to be the first time in 15 years that we don't see each other over Christmas.

Maybe lots of sweets and wine will get me through...but then I need to be healthy and alcohol free to conceive! Son of a .....

 

[dodgercpkl]

We'll be spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family - which includes my brother and SIL and their 2 kids (ages 8 and 3). My whole family knows what we are going through and are respectful of it, so I know their won't be any comments. It'll (as always) still be a bit sad to watch my niece and nephew and enjoy their silliness and cute comments and wish that they were mine... but I also know that my SIL had a hard time with both of her pregnancies as well.

I think the day I dread more is mother's day. That's the day when people just simply blurt out things without thinking the most (at least in my experience). It was tough last year, but if I'm not pregnant by that time this year, I might go into hiding that day.

 

[cooch]

Armywife- you poor thing. Thankfully the only people in our family who have/due children live too far away to see, (oh shame, not!!). Plus everyone that is around us won't drink that much at family gatherings, nor will they say anything. They are all very understanding now they know everything. It has helped since DH came clean with his family, as they were in the dark and it drove me mad thinking they didn't care- they just didn't realise. I am making a point not to see friends (I only have a couple of really close friends who I don't count in this) who are either going to ask me loads of questions or who are pregnant. And there's only one of those, so its all good, well kinda ha ha. xx

 

[cooch]

I don't blame you for not wanting to spend time around your SIL. That would be so tough. I think your hubby needs to give you pass.

For me this holiday is going to be rough. I was supposed to have had a baby by now! My family has no expecting gals but my friends on the other hand. My girls and I are a posse of 5 and our get together this year will consist of: one girl with her 1 yr old, one girl with her newborn, one girl who is 8 months pregnant and another 4 months pregnant.....................and then me. I really don't want this to be the first time in 15 years that we don't see each other over Christmas.

Maybe lots of sweets and wine will get me through...but then I need to be healthy and alcohol free to conceive! Son of a .....

God you are being so strong< do they know your situation???
I would go for it with the alcohol, how many pregnancies have been conceived with it!! So long as your not a massive drinker then you can afford this little luxury at Christmas- just with moderation xx

 

[wonderstars]

cooch, they know that we've been trying since August so it helps a little but I want them to be able to talk to each other about what to expect once the baby is born, what to buy etc...I just can't be part of it cause it's too hard.

Just from your post, seems like telling people may have made your holidays easier? I'm going in for HSG attempt #2 this week so I think I'll base my decision on telling depending on what that says.

 

[cooch]

cooch, they know that we've been trying since August so it helps a little but I want them to be able to talk to each other about what to expect once the baby is born, what to buy etc...I just can't be part of it cause it's too hard.

Just from your post, seems like telling people may have made your holidays easier? I'm going in for HSG attempt #2 this week so I think I'll base my decision on telling depending on what that says.

I admire you for wanting to be part of the gathering, I suppose that's what we would all try to do. I can imagine it would be too painful though. It just depends on how you will feel with all their baby chat as I can imagine that's what most of it will be. If you think you wouldn't be able to bear it then you need to put your sanity first- hang those that say that's selfish- as there are a few on here. A good friend would also understand your grief in amongst their joy!!! x

 

[Armywife84]

Ahh Wonderstars, the dreaded Baby Club which you have yet to gain access to! Or the All my Friends are Pregnant but Me group. Sadly, I have pushed all the pregnant ones away, and the ones with children there's nothing in common anymore. I agree with Cooch, you may have to go liquored up ! Just go for however long you're comfortable with, then if it starts to be too much then make an exit. At least you tried.

Cooch- you're so lucky! But we only live 2 hours away, and I'm running out of excuses.

We just got invited to a Thanksgiving dinner at my DH's friend's home...with him and his pregnant wife (in which they've been married all of 6 months!)!! To top it off, he knows about our infertility! The nerve!

 

[cooch]

Armywife- the preggo may surprisingly be nice about it (as if that really make a big diff) but seeing loved ones if they don't mention anything can be somewhat a joy. Although I'm sure you like me would be dreading what could possibly be talked about. I luckily don't have the option. And MIL is now really nice about things, having said that I'm not in much contact although she lives 20 mins away, we're not her priority. So long as she doesn't say to me face to face I'm cool with her. Funny eh!!?

 

[wonderstars]

We just got invited to a Thanksgiving dinner at my DH's friend's home...with him and his pregnant wife (in which they've been married all of 6 months!)!! To top it off, he knows about our infertility! The nerve!

Yeah, that would make me liquor up.


Thanks for the wisdom ladies. I do have the most wonderful friends so I do know they'll understand. It's me getting over the guilt of feeling I'm hampering their joy!

Or maybe this HSG will be successful and I'll be knocked up.........

 

[Armywife84]

Can we just fast forward thru this next month? And skip the month of May all together?

 

[Maurie]

For thanksgiving
Only going to our parents, No babies on DH's side, only kids on my side are 11 and 15.
AF is due next weekend so I should be starting Clomid right before thanksgiving (now that should be fun!!!)
Our families wont bring up baby unless I do (Thank you DH!!)

For Christmas- we are not going to DH's extended family, We will go to my extended family, though it will be though, No baby bellys but they all want a new baby in the family the youngest is 6 and I am the next in line. I am going to stick close to my sister and talk about her wedding which is in April.

Next year, Vacation is in order! DH and I have never been on a honeymoon and that will be our excuse...

 

[dodgercpkl]

Army - I'm right there with you!

Maurie - ooo built in buffer right there!! Wedding trumps asking about possibilities every time - well at least in my book it does!

 

[Armywife84]

Maurie- You're lucky not to face any young children or bumps during the holidays! Although, the potential chatter about who's next to have a baby would make me uneasy. Nonetheless, you can get everyone focused on your sister's wedding preparations.

I echo you on the vacation next year if we're still not pregnant!

 

[Maurie]

Maurie- You're lucky not to face any young children or bumps during the holidays! Although, the potential chatter about who's next to have a baby would make me uneasy. Nonetheless, you can get everyone focused on your sister's wedding preparations.

I echo you on the vacation next year if we're still not pregnant!

I do feel greatful that there are no bumps (That I know of) this year. But my moms family is a bunch of fertile myrtles...
My sister announced her engagement two days before my parents anniversary party to take the focus off me. She and her OH really try to take the attention off me, they are good to me.

Where are you planning on going next year?
Im trying to decide, I would LOVE the Caribbean, not sure if DH would go for that though

 

[wonderstars]

LTTC gathering for vacation next year? Hopefully none of us can attend but if we really have to, at least there will be no baby bumps.

 

[Armywife84]

LTTC gathering for vacation next year? Hopefully none of us can attend but if we really have to, at least there will be no baby bumps.

That would be fun! I can see us all slim in our classy one pieces or bikinis sipping alcoholic beverages served by hot cabana boys. All while everyone else is putting on the holiday pounds and dealing with the snow.

Maurie- Bahamas sound good to me! Or maybe even Mexico..I'm thinking Cabo. My SIL hated Cancun.

 

[Skoer1360]

Ugh, I'm not going to be a happy camper this year..

SIL is almost 12 weeks and she's a fricken stick so she started to show just recently. Found out her EDD is May 24th today and I'm just feeling very nervous about the next two holidays. We usually never see her so it's not that bad, but it's *the* thing to talk about now so it's just constantly baby chatter for the last 2 months and no one knows we've been trying, let alone LTTTC so they aren't exactly tactful and I'm afraid they'll start asking me, I don't even know what I would say... It almost makes me feel sick and I definitely get teary when SIL's pregnancy gets talked about, even between me and DH.

My family has no babies (only a two year old that I adore is the youngest ) and definitely no bumps (most of my cousins are under 13) so that'll be my safe haven. If we aren't pregnant by next Christmas I am definitely thinking that a vacation is in order lol, Hawaii sounds like such a nice idea Sunshine, sand, ocean, and mai-tai's... lots and lots of mai-tai's

 

[mrsd1606]

Feeling the same for the hols this year ladies Iv recently had the conversation with dh that im dreading it as last year i assumed id either have a baby or be pregnant by this xmas and its not going to have happened (very long cycles so wont be due to ovulate now until between xmas and ny)

Last year we spent xmas at his parents along with SIL/BIL no 1 and their 2 children (ages 5 & 6) and SIL/BIL no 2 with her 6 year old & their now 16 month & 3 month old (theyve only been together 2 years but thats another bugbear not to share right now) iv asked dh if we can limit xmas day to just a couple of hours there (they are only 5 mins away from us) rather than all day, just dont think i could handle all day with them all.
I do love all my nieces and nephews dont get me wrong but xmas really is about the kids and ill feel so sad watching them all as a family and us not having that