Dealing with LTTC and the holidays!

[Armywife84]

Skoer1360- Good to know that you have a safe haven just in case you need to make an exit from the in-laws. I HATE hearing my SIL's pregnancy discussed, but thankfully my in-laws don't discuss it in front of me because of our infertility.

Right, who says we have to participate in the holidays?

Mrsd1606- Your DH should honor your request of not staying over there all day. It's just something you can't handle, and it's ok to check out of there early. You're already being put thru enough stress as far as LTTC goes, you don't need the added stress of family on you too.

Hell, if I had my way we'd be staying at my mother's the whole time. Ice skating, sipping hot chocolate, looking at Christmas lights, and watching Christmas movies...avoiding the in-law's home all together.

Today, my DH told me he wanted to take his niece sledding. It made me upset, because I wish we had a child to take sledding.

 

[Azreal]

Phew! I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way about Xmas.
We don't have thanksgiving here in Australia so at least I don't have to worry about that.
I was hoping to work this Xmas but the one year I WANT to work I'm not rostered on - bugger! So now we have to go to MIL/FIL beach shack - DH's brother and SIL will be there with toddler and 7month old - really, really don't want to go. I haven't said as such but I think DH is getting the picture I'm not happy about it. Don't think he really understands tho'. Can't really cancel Xmas - can I?

 

[wonderstars]

My hubby doesn't understand why I feel down being around others with babies/who are pregnant. He thinks the holidays should be fun and those things should be aside. He keeps saying we're going down a different path but I just want to have the same path, a normal path, for once in life. I want to be able to celebrate Christmas by looking forward to having a baby to share it with. Sigh. I think he feels the same way and is putting it on to make me feel better, but it doesn't.

I've never added alcohol to EggNog but I should try that this year.

 

[Armywife84]

My hubby doesn't understand why I feel down being around others with babies/who are pregnant. He thinks the holidays should be fun and those things should be aside. He keeps saying we're going down a different path but I just want to have the same path, a normal path, for once in life. I want to be able to celebrate Christmas by looking forward to having a baby to share it with. Sigh. I think he feels the same way and is putting it on to make me feel better, but it doesn't.

I've never added alcohol to EggNog but I should try that this year.

Your DH and mine think alike when it comes to LTTC. I don't think they understand because they don't feel the same way we do when it comes to a baby. We're the one who takes charge of getting fertility testing, has AF, is supposed to carry the baby, and has to endure the expensive fertility treatments. Basically going thru hell and back. If only our DHs understood just how STRESSFUL this really is.

I thought eggnog always had alcohol in it, well at least the kind my mother used to buy .

 

[wonderstars]

My hubby doesn't understand why I feel down being around others with babies/who are pregnant. He thinks the holidays should be fun and those things should be aside. He keeps saying we're going down a different path but I just want to have the same path, a normal path, for once in life. I want to be able to celebrate Christmas by looking forward to having a baby to share it with. Sigh. I think he feels the same way and is putting it on to make me feel better, but it doesn't.

I've never added alcohol to EggNog but I should try that this year.

I thought eggnog always had alcohol in it, well at least the kind my mother used to buy .

I get that light EggNog crap but I'm going all out this year! Afterall, I am working out trying to at least 10lbs to get to a normal BMI.

 

[Skoer1360]

Wonderstars: You could have taken the words right out of my mouth, DH just does not get why I can't be super happy for SIL, says the holidays are for family and she's family so I should be happy.

Not to mention that since I was diagnosed with an LPD and started Clomid DH has been counting since then so in his eyes we've been trying for 3 months this cycle.. I'm sorry but how can you forget about the rest of the time just like that? Maybe it's because it's not something wrong with him (that we know of anyway, if no bfp this month he has to go in and get an SA) sometimes I just don't understand men

ArmyWife: I absolutely love your avatar, everytime I see it I start giggling

 

[cooch]

Those on Clomid- have you been given HCG injections to take as well?? I'm on Femara (alternative to Clomid) and am on quite a few shots of the HCG. I'm not sure if it helps the follicle burst to release the egg or it just supplements the hormones produced after ovulation, ??!! Not sure but worth checking out. It's not nice having to inject but I do feel as though its pushing me in the right direction. xx

 

[Armywife84]

Skoer- As far as I'm concerned SIL is family we don't have to like .

Not only do I wish that men could feel what we feel thru this personal hell, but for once we could unleash our feelings instead of always covering them up or putting them aside to attend baby showers, go to the hospital to see a newborn, and when a friend tells you she conceived in all of 3 months! I'm always putting other's feelings before my own, trying to put on that fake face and congratulate them on their achievement. Just once I want someone to acknowledge my feelings and struggle!!

 

[Maurie]

Ok, so as I was talking to my in-laws today about holiday plans, the intense fear came over me that they might get me an infertility book or something as a christmas/birthday gift. . . I am close to my in-laws and I am not sure if they would think its appropriate or not...

Has anyone gotten anything infertility as a gift before?

 

[Armywife84]

Ok, so as I was talking to my in-laws today about holiday plans, the intense fear came over me that they might get me an infertility book or something as a christmas/birthday gift. . . I am close to my in-laws and I am not sure if they would think its appropriate or not...

Has anyone gotten anything infertility as a gift before?

I would probably cry if someone got me that. And I already cry enough when it comes to infertility. It depends if it's something like, "Chicken soup for the infertile soul" (Idk if that's a book)..or giving you information on infertility. Which we already know enough when it comes to the internet.

Don't get me wrong, it can be a nice gesture..shows they're thinking of you during this time. But nothing in a book is going to solve infertility. Unless, it comes with a coupon for a $1,000 off your next IVF.

It just depends how you would take it.

 

[Skoer1360]

"chicken soup for the infertile soul"

but I do agree.. It all kind of depends on how you would take it, regardless of their intentions. Anyways, I would feel like it's kind of an inappropriate thing, especially as a present.

 

[wonderstars]

Yeah, I would agree with that. I don't mind people acknowledging it and letting you know they support you but if I were in there position, that's where it would end. TTC is personal and the best thing anyone could do for me is to just letting me know they're there to talk and support me. I would do the same for anyone else.

 

[cooch]

That would be a pretty insensitive present to buy someone. Eak

 

[RM_Wife]

I am dreading Christmas too... my BIL and his wife have recently just had a baby and I have just seen my MIL putting on Facebook a message about how she has been to see him and he is the best grandson ever. That cut me deep... knowing we will be round there Christmas and they may be there and the MIL is just going to be talking about the grandson all the time is already beginning to break me. I feel like such a bitch though as I should be really happy for both BIL and his wife as they do have an absolutely adorable little boy and MIL should be talking about nothing but her first grandson as that's what grandma's do but I can't help but feel like it's all just a bit too much for me!

 

[Armywife84]

I am dreading Christmas too... my BIL and his wife have recently just had a baby and I have just seen my MIL putting on Facebook a message about how she has been to see him and he is the best grandson ever. That cut me deep... knowing we will be round there Christmas and they may be there and the MIL is just going to be talking about the grandson all the time is already beginning to break me. I feel like such a bitch though as I should be really happy for both BIL and his wife as they do have an absolutely adorable little boy and MIL should be talking about nothing but her first grandson as that's what grandma's do but I can't help but feel like it's all just a bit too much for me!

Oh you're not a bitch! You're happy for them, but it's too much for you to handle. It's ok to back out and take some time to deal with things. You are happy for them, but at the moment you're overrun by LTTC. Holidays are difficult for you, because you would give anything to have a child too! Plus MIL's comments aren't helping!

I once read on an infertility blog that for those of LTTC (even if we haven't suffered a loss) we're currently grieving for the child we may never have.

 

[RM_Wife]

Thank you Armywife!

It's just extra difficult as they didn't even want a baby, it was because the contraceptive pill failed! Kind of annoys me as me and hubby are spending hours researching and doing everything by the book to have got this far to no avail. It can just be a bit of a kick in the teeth sometimes or at least feel that way!

 

[Lizzy444]

I am dreading Christmas too... my BIL and his wife have recently just had a baby and I have just seen my MIL putting on Facebook a message about how she has been to see him and he is the best grandson ever. That cut me deep... knowing we will be round there Christmas and they may be there and the MIL is just going to be talking about the grandson all the time is already beginning to break me. I feel like such a bitch though as I should be really happy for both BIL and his wife as they do have an absolutely adorable little boy and MIL should be talking about nothing but her first grandson as that's what grandma's do but I can't help but feel like it's all just a bit too much for me!

Oh you're not a bitch! You're happy for them, but it's too much for you to handle. It's ok to back out and take some time to deal with things. You are happy for them, but at the moment you're overrun by LTTC. Holidays are difficult for you, because you would give anything to have a child too! Plus MIL's comments aren't helping!

I once read on an infertility blog that for those of LTTC (even if we haven't suffered a loss) we're currently grieving for the child we may never have.

Armywife - your last paragraph reminded me of the following quote I came across a couple of weeks ago, from Laura Bush, who also struggled with infertility.

"The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

 

[Armywife84]

I am dreading Christmas too... my BIL and his wife have recently just had a baby and I have just seen my MIL putting on Facebook a message about how she has been to see him and he is the best grandson ever. That cut me deep... knowing we will be round there Christmas and they may be there and the MIL is just going to be talking about the grandson all the time is already beginning to break me. I feel like such a bitch though as I should be really happy for both BIL and his wife as they do have an absolutely adorable little boy and MIL should be talking about nothing but her first grandson as that's what grandma's do but I can't help but feel like it's all just a bit too much for me!

Oh you're not a bitch! You're happy for them, but it's too much for you to handle. It's ok to back out and take some time to deal with things. You are happy for them, but at the moment you're overrun by LTTC. Holidays are difficult for you, because you would give anything to have a child too! Plus MIL's comments aren't helping!

I once read on an infertility blog that for those of LTTC (even if we haven't suffered a loss) we're currently grieving for the child we may never have.

Armywife - your last paragraph reminded me of the following quote I came across a couple of weeks ago, from Laura Bush, who also struggled with infertility.

"The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only “I’m sorry for your loss.” But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

Oh Lizzy, that is a touching quote! I love it!

 

[sohatewhy]

I also know that my SIL had a hard time with both of her pregnancies as well.

 

[wonderstars]

Wow, that was a beautiful quote. I had to go back and read some more about Laura Bush's infertility and there was another passage above that quote that really applied to a lot of what's been posted as well.

For some years now, the wedding invitations that had once crowded the mailbox had been replaced by shower invites and pink-or-blue-beribboned baby announcements. I bought onesies or rattles, wrapped them in yellow paper, and delivered them to friends. I had done it with a happy wistfulness, believing that someday my time, my baby, would come. George and I had hoped that I would be pregnant by the end of his congressional run. Then we hoped it would be by the time his own father announced his presidential run, then by the presidential primaries, the convention, the general election. But each milestone came and went. The calendar advanced, and there was no baby.

Exactly how I feel. Giving presents upon presents to others. Summer passes, thanksgivings, christmases and still nothing.