Dealing With Unfriendly Parents At Kids School

[ItsJana]

My two dds go to a religious school, by appearance I may not seem religious to other people. I've always had to make an extra effort to get to know some of these people, they will/have never approach/ed me. Half way through last year I thought I was finally making some progress and talked to a handful of people, nothing special, but small talk nonetheless. I don't have many friends and it's important to me to make friends with parents that put their kids in this school, because my kids play with their kids.
It's been a week since the new school year started and just about everyone I made small talk with last year has completely ignored me this week. From what I can tell, when they are with their friends they look straight through me and when they are by themselves they are all friendly and to be honest "fake" sounding.
There are parents here that won't bother talking to me at all, alone or not and are downright nasty. Staring me down relentlessly, the first few times I'd just flash a smile but that didn't wipe the nasty look of their faces. These people I can learn to ignore, it's the ones that "act" friendly and then essentially ostracize me that really piss me off. I don't get how such "religious" people can be such big hypocrites. How can I let these people not bother me? It doesn't help that I'm almost 34 weeks pregnant and already feel pretty lonely.

 

[OmarsMum]

I have a similar issue at Omar's school, he goes to an international school but the majority of students are locals with some western expats, we as Arab expats are the minority, I used to do small talks when he was in pre-school last year as it was a separate section & we all were new. This year I get ignored looool. Kids moved to big school, to be honest it doesn't bother me in the slightest. We have friends outside school & he likes their kids. He also goes to after school activities. I don't feel he needs friends from school after school hours.

Parents at his school don't fit our lifestyle. I'd just ignore the looks, this is what I do

 

[hattiehippo]

Mine has just started school so I'm very new to the whole playground thing but I am a teacher so I've seen it from the other side too. Some playground parents can be very cliquey - I had one class where most of the parents were in a big gang and anyone new just got the cold shoulder. It really wasn't a nice atmosphere at drop off and pick up.

I'm hoping I make some friends with the other parents but if not we have other friends and families from nursery and baby groups and it won't be the end of the world if no-one talks to me. Try and ignore them if they're being snotty - you're there to drop off and pick up your kids and it doesn't have to be a social occasion.

 

[Pearls18]

I have to admit I don't understand the playground social thing, I will be in a rush to drop DS off and pick him up just as I am with nursery, I know some of the nursery parents just due to the nature of the nursery (on a military camp, they or their husbands will work with my husband) but I've never stopped to talk to the civilians heck I don't even talk to the people I do know lol, we're all too busy to me it's a time you drop off and pick up, not talk (especially in the morning!), I'm not sure it's the best time/place to be making friends, is there a PTA committee you can join if you're hoping to make friends with parents there? I'm just picturing parents stood around for ages outside school chatting like teenagers smoking outside the back of the sheds lol...is this what happens?? (The chatting not smoking!!)

 

[MummyMana]

I think you will start making friends with some of them once the little ones start wanting to go round each others' houses for tea after school, that way you will have something specific to talk to the individual parent about, and you can always invite them in for coffee on pickup

 

[rosie272]

I wouldn't worry about it, there's loads of little cliques of mums at Charlie's school and I couldn't care less about them I chat to a few new mums (just small talk). The way I see it is I'm not really there to make friends, just to make sure Charlie gets in to school safely! Don't take it personally if people don't smile back, imo that makes them the rude people!

 

[Jchihuahua]

As a teacher I often see cliques in the playground. I never do the pick up/ drop offs for Daisy as I'm at work but my hubby seems to always be chatting to diffferent people! He has his hands full with Tommy and Eddie while trying to change Daisy's indoor/outdoor shoes, put her book bag in the box, fruit in the tray, water bottle on the shelf and all the other things he has to do so I think the mums feel sorry for him !

 

[ItsJana]

Thank for the words of encouragement. My kids' school lets out anywhere from 3:15-3:25 pm, the younger ones tend to be let out first. The teachers have them line up outside near the playground and either send them to the school bus or have them wait for the parent(s). So when I pick up my kindergartener I'm left waiting for my 6 yr old, I guess I could just come later and run in and out, that might be a good idea.

Truthfully I don't think anyone will be inviting my kids over to play with their kids. Last summer I invited a few people over for a barbeque with their kids, I was left with a massive mess and chicken bones in the lawn. None of those people ever reciprocated with an invite of any kind, infact some of those parents are the same who ignore me when they are with their friends. I have tried inviting people to come out with my kids and I and it's always "yes, God willing", but then when the time comes they don't show up or text me with an excuse, I can understand things happen but it's all the time and I give up. We don't do afternoon tea here, but lots of people like to go out in the morning for coffee, I've suggested that to some of the parents, I think if i try any harder I'm going to look desperate.

 

[tallybee]

I have to admit I don't understand the playground social thing, I will be in a rush to drop DS off and pick him up just as I am with nursery, I know some of the nursery parents just due to the nature of the nursery (on a military camp, they or their husbands will work with my husband) but I've never stopped to talk to the civilians heck I don't even talk to the people I do know lol, we're all too busy to me it's a time you drop off and pick up, not talk (especially in the morning!), I'm not sure it's the best time/place to be making friends, is there a PTA committee you can join if you're hoping to make friends with parents there? I'm just picturing parents stood around for ages outside school chatting like teenagers smoking outside the back of the sheds lol...is this what happens?? (The chatting not smoking!!)

Pretty much yeah...

Before we moved, this was exactly what it was like at the kids school there. Parents/carers would congregate from 15-20 minutes before the end bell even went and would still be there ages after. I think some of them have nothing better to do, the cliques and shitty attitudes of some of them were worse than the kids. Awful.

I'm lucky now where we moved to as I've got a friend whose boys go to the same place. She's introduced me to a few others who seem nice.

But yeah school runs aren't a social occasion for me, I've got too much to do lol

 

[RachA]

I know where you are coming from as it's the same at my school.
To be honest I just ignore it all.
DS is in year three and there are 3 mums that I talk too and only 1 of those will actually initiate contact with me. DS only gets invited round to 1 boys house ever even though we have invited other round to ours.

When DD started I was hoping that the new mums would talk to me but so far only 1 has and she's one of the 3 mums in my sons year-so yeah it's not any better now!!

 

[dani_tinks]

I've noticed a few 'cliques' at my sons school, but most of them do seem smiley and friendly. I'm quite a shy person so I haven't had many mums initiate a conversation with me. I probably have my head down too much! Thankfully I recongise a few from pre school so I've managed to smile and say hello to them without feeling self conscience.

 

[Abz1982]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, nothing like the clique bitches eh! So far ive not encountered it, but thats cos the kids usually break the ice for me. But I have taken the bull by the horns a few times.

And strangely.............some mothers who OH says were teh most standoffish, are the ones I get on with!

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I'm lucky I think, there's not really any noticeable cliques at the school Lucas goes to. Lots of the parents who've known each other from their older kids' classes will stand and chat in groups but they're always friendly.
I don't really like chatting to other parents (I will, to be polite, but if I can avoid it I do), but I find I talk to them more on the walk to school than when we're in the gates, most of his best friends live on our route. If you walk then you could maybe find out where some of their friends live and try to pass their houses? I don't do the pick-up but I know when my mum has been walking back she's been invited in for a cuppa lots of times.
Otherwise, I'd stop bothering tbh. They sound like awful snotty bitches!

 

[missbabypo]

I am so lucky with my sons school. It currently only has 3 classes so we don't have a problem with bitchy parents. There were a few incidents before the summer with one person trying to poison people against each other but that all seems to have been resolved. I talk to all the parents at the school (haven't had a chance to talk to many of the new ones as of yet), am on the PTA and we are usually some of the last to leave at pick up because we let the kids play in 'the pit' after school. It's not unusal for some of us to still be in the pit until 4pm on a Friday lol x

 

[River54]

hey fellow BC'er
Cheer up It will get better. You aren't alone, and more than likely there are other mums from the same school/class who feel the same way.

You remind me of what happened to me with my dd when she was in elementary. Cliques...ugh.
I feel for you. I had the nasty look clique, and the ones who were 2 faced about it all. I found that the ones who were 2 faced about it, basically lacked confidence to stick to what they wanted, and were afraid of not being part of the clique.

I did eventually find a few mums from the classes dd was in that I got along with, and whose values, morals, plain way of thinking/parenting were quite close to my own (and who didn't judge) - they were not part of the clique. I got judged solely on looks alot when dd was young (think young single parent), so I learned to just be myself and maybe people would see through it. Some did.

This is just the start of the year. Maybe give it time, and possibly explore inviting some of the other parents who also don't seem to be part of the clique.
Bottom line is - if they are judgmental about you, try not to let it bug you. Do all the things you would normally do anyways, and always be who you want to be. Never be afraid of running into them picking up your child.

 

[MrsT&Ben]

There seems to be lots of these types at my son's school. I'm brand new to the school drop off but most of the time I'm so busy trying to get my son to school and sorting out my baby I don't notice. When I go back to work I won't have time for playground chat so I'm trying not to let it bother me too much!
I think.generally the group's are long standing friends and they don't do it intentionally! Most people would be horrified to think people were intimidating someone. Saying that I'm shy so everyone intimidates me!!!!

 

[Cattia]

They sound like a horrible bunch! I had a similar problem at my DD's first pre school (we ended up pulling her out of there because of various problems and she ended up in a lovely pre school). I joined the committee to try to get involved, and I'm not kidding, those women were a nest of vipers! They ganged up on people who didn't fit in with their little clique and they were really horrible, it was like being back in year 9!

At my children's current school luckily the parents are really nice. As I'm on maternity leave I am doing a lot more of the pick ups that I was. I always chat to everyone in the playground and I must admit I have made a real effort to make friends with the parents of any children my DD seems friendly with. I have also joined the PTA. My different experiences have shown me that it's really not always to do with how much effort you put in, some people are open and friendly and others, sadly, don't want to know.

 

[Lauraxamy]

Lots of cliquey Mums at my daughters school, it's a very small village school and all the parents are quite a bit older than me. (I'm 23). To be honest, I don't really care I don't want to be involved in their cliques. I'll say 'Hi' to a few Mums that I see quite often or have come up from pre-school with my daughter but I don't stand about and chat with any.

 

[pandacub]

I'd say about 75% of the mums in Jacobs class already know each other. They are mostly quite a bit older than me (and I look quite young anyway) but to be honest, I really don't care if they don't talk to me! I'm perfectly comfortably standing on my own. I generally mill about in the part of the playground with the other 'rejects'

From next week he'll be in breakfast club 3 days a week and in after school club 4 days so I won't see them much anyway.

 

[Jazzy-NICU]

I've felt completely the same, the majority of children in my son's class have older siblings so the parents already know each other. He has made a group of friends and I've made a real effort to chat to their mums and some of them came to his birthday party as they went up from preschool together.
I just always smile and say good morning, if they've got a face on its their problem!