Decisions

[Kiki1993]

Me and my fiance are - - this close to trying right now. I'm on my pill break and my other half asked me to not take it on holiday and then we could try right now. The noly things are that i need some knowledge on is
1. i started a new job this week (i don't particularly enjoy it and probably wont return once i've had a baby, they told me they havent had full staff in a long time and i kinda get why)
2. the wedding is december next year, i don't mind having the baby weight there so long as i have the baby but im hoping ill lose some by the point of the wedding.
Any advice, tips especially about the work thing.

 

[MindUtopia]

I would find out about what your eligibility for maternity leave is at your new job and what this means for not returning. You have to work for your current employer for 26 weeks prior to your qualifying week, which is the 15th week before your due date, so basically 41 weeks before your due date in order to qualify. It sounds like you will have done that since you aren't even pregnant yet. So that should be fine. I know in some jobs, if you claim SMP, you have to return for a period of time after your maternity leave to 'pay back' in a way your time off on maternity leave. You might just check what your employer's policies are on that. Also, do you plan to ever go back to work? And even if you say no now, realistically you might change your mind if circumstances change anyway. Would leaving on maternity and not returning as planned jeopardise getting a reference for another job later on? Those would be the two things I'd think about.

I wouldn't worry about the baby weight for the wedding. You'll probably have lost some, but you also probably won't care as much as you might have in the past. The only thing I would think about is just if you feel you need some time as a married couple first before you have children. I know I really enjoyed the time after we got married when it was just us and we didn't have anyone else to worry about and we could go have a nice honeymoon and relax (you won't get to do these things easily once you have a baby. I miss sitting down and reading and having a cocktail when we go away!). If you've been together a long time and you've lived together awhile already, it may not matter as much, but it's definitely something to think about. My husband and I lived on opposite sides of the planet for the 2 years prior to our wedding, so once we got married, it was so nice to just be together and get a house ready and relax and travel and just have time together the two of us. It would have been much more difficult with a baby and you never get those couple days back again once you become parents (we've had dinner out alone like maybe 10 times in 2.5 years). So it's just something to think about. I wouldn't worry about the baby weight, but I would just be mindful of if you're ready for it to be more than just two of you before your married, or if you want some more time just for yourselves, including celebrating your wedding.

 

[Kiki1993]

Well I'll probably return part time the bit that worries me most is
1) will i definitely qualify for SMP
2) could they claim "oh sorry you're probation is over and we don't think you should stay" so they don't have to deal with finding someone to take over my job for 9 months etc.

I read their policy on maternity related leave and pay and allowance etc, it says they wont lay you off if you are pregnant and you job will be secure BUT i've heard of companys having that policy and then once probation is up the claim they aren't what they want in the job?

 

[Kiki1993]

We probably wouldn't concieve straight away so we might be able to keep bump a secret until i get probation over with? If i knew they wouldn't lay me off we would be trying straight as my witch goes away, i might even quit worrying, we can get by with other halfs wage we just want the extra bit of money to relax and not worry. But i suppose even if they do say they need to let me go I will definitely get MA and i could use my last two jobs for refernces because they loved me and i loved those jobs.. i only left my last job because this job was much more money .. regret it now because i knew my last employer well and they wouldn't let pregnancy affect my job security and stuff. This new job i have only been there less than a week and there are 4 big things about the job i wasn't aware of at interview and if i had known i wouldnt have accepted the job Wish my other half had told me he wanted a baby now before i left my old job! He had been thinking for the last few months he wanted to try before the wedding and only told me on holiday as a surprise but he didnt realise the new job could let me go and stuff even though its illegal (he ahs faith in humanity and thinks no one would do that just because your pregnant ) but ive worked for employers that have done that and i dont know this employer well enough yet but i do think he would lay me off in my honest opinion.

 

[Kiki1993]

Why is everything so complicated? Wish the wedding would have been done its the biggest thing stopping us trying right now.. that and my job.. so our options;
1. October this year - would need to keep quiet at work until i'm 3 months and by then probation would be over so i'm protected from being laid off - but it means i wont have risk assessment in place for the first 3 months and my job has potential to be dangerous but i don't think ide ever tell anyone before 12 weeks anyway - gives me hopefully 5 months to lose the weight post baby for the wedding which is do able.
2. Next October - would be 3 months at the wedding - lots of extra waiting we don't want - means no corset style dress as pregnant - but gives extra time to decorate and save some money for fun stuff - wouldn't need to keep pregnancy hushed until probation is over so if i felt unsafe i could get a risk assessment done that day.
3. Trying wedding night - waiting too long - makes the most sense but the thought of waiting this long makes me teary and makes me cry... literally. It makes me emotional to think ide have to wait that long and since other half has said it's completely my choice when to try as he wants one now too it's made me want one right now

 

[ask86]

I can relate to some of the stuff you say - but I can also offer a little perspective on one aspect - I was 13 weeks pregnant at my wedding and I still wore a beautiful white dress (didn't start showing until almost 20 weeks), and it did not in any way impact on my wedding day
I do get the job/probation thing as I am currently in the process of switching jobs so we will probably have to put off trying for #2 by a few months, and I was sad about it at first but then I realized that its better in the long run, and its better that I build up a good reputation in the new workplace so that if I need to take a few days here and there for appointments it wont be a big deal.
Good luck with your decision

 

[callmedan]

sorry you feel like this but i was in a pretty similar position last year!
first we were going to TTC after a holiday in 2013 but we got engaged so decide to wait.
i considered trying to have the baby a couple of months before the wedding, i considered being a couple of months pregnant and i considered trying on honeymoon. I actually never did any of these 3 and am TTC starting Aug/Sept 3/4 months after the wedding!
To give me totally honest opinion I am so glad that we waited. Even though I am a really organised person the wedding was so so stressful, the weeks before I would just burst in to tears for no reason! I dont think I could have coped with a baby/being pregnant. Im sure it still would have been great but I dont think I would have had such a perfect time on hen party and at the wedding if we had TTC before then.
I know it is so hard waiting I honestly feel your pain but (I know it sounds so cliche!) the year before the wedding really does fly!!
I dont want to sway you as it seems waiting a long time is quite upsetting you I just wanted to share my experience xx