Defiant 4 year old daughter

[LauraLu]

I'm not really sure where to start, but hopefully the title says it all.

My daughter has been defiant since about the age of three. She will not stay with me in stores, she ignores me when I call her name if she is in a dangerous situation (running into a parking lot), she refuses to eat anything other than sugar, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, and yogurt, and basically tells me "no" to everything. When I ask her to stop doing something (like pushing buttons on a loud toy), she'll do it just one more time while staring directly at me.

I know she's testing me - it's the age - blah, blah, blah. I know her diet is horrible, and I have only myself to blame.

My husband, my 9 month old son, and I live in a tiny 2 bedroom townhouse with no yard. She does not get the exercise and movement she needs to burn off steam.

I'd LOVE to enroll her in gymnastics or something like that, but we are way too poor to do it. I feel so desperate for some answers and help.

She goes to a Catholic preschool 3 mornings a week and really enjoys the arts and crafts. Madeline has also informed me that her spot in circle time was moved, and she now sits next to the teacher...I cannot believe this is happening! She also told me she was in "time-out" at school twice last week because she kept talking to friends, hence the move at circle time.

Any help out there? I'm thinking of making an appt with her pediatrician for some guidance. She is smart as a whip, loves learning, and loves doing preschool computer games - is she just bored? Am I over reacting? help!

 

[Vixen_17]

Have you looked on www.supernanny.co.uk? Maybe there's a supernanny.com?

If you think it could be related to her diet is there any way you can try and healthy it up a bit? Sounds like you may have found yourself into a vicious cycle... Can you get out to the park to burn off some energy? Teach her about plants and bugs to keep her focussed? Teach her how to interact nicely with other children?

Sounds like she may need a little more discipline, if only to keep her safe - running into the parking lot is never good! Maybe supernanny can give you a few practical ideas?

Sorry for not being much help. Hope you get a few pointers soon.

 

[Tanikit]

This sounds a little bit like what my 4 year old has been doing lately and I have a 7 month old too so its been driving me a bit crazy.

My problem with her has got a bit better the last two weeks but I had to change a few things. Firstly her father promised her an outing if she behaved and set the rules for behaving pretty firmly. Next I started insisting on obedience the first time - if I said stop doing X and she continued then she was either physically taken to her room or had her toy/whatever I'd asked her to stop using removed from her. It was actually quite a lot of physical work to get things right but once she realised there were concequences immediatelty she stopped.

The running away in parking lots I luckily sorted out before my secomd arrived and it could be harder for you now (although I did the physical work involved while pregnant) Basically I made it a rule that she wasn't allowed to walk unless holding the baby's pram or my hand once number two arrived. You may need to attach her to a wrist strap to keep her near you now til she knows the rules - when I was pregnant I nearly had to resort to a lead for my daughter as she was getting away so far that it was dangerous.

Basically you have to become a disciplinarian at least for a while - its not nice and takes work and my daughter got very angry with me a few times, but in the end it was worth it as getting about with her is easier now and she listens better. Also if you really want her to hear and listen it sometimes helps to get down on her level and look her in the eye before saying anything - she's also less likely to defy you when you are so close to her.

Good luck hope it improves soon. It is a phase but one that still needs hanling. As for the food just offer what you think she should eat and nothing else - no 4 year old will starve themselves for long though she could well go a day or two without eating before she learns. (Sounds terrible I know but getting a healthy meal plan is also important and you wont be starving her - she'll be doing it herself)

 

[fuzzballxxx]

my two year likes to run and it winds me up because it dangerous, i have enforced the pram rule, if she lets go of the pram then she has to be picked up or put on reigns, its taking time but we are getting there. the food thing i know it isn't nice but she will eat when she is hungry if you just give her her meals healthier ones and if she chooses not to eat it then leave her until the next meal, she will prob cry and scream alot but it does work. ive also had a naughty step the most important thing is consistency and u must follow through with what u say, if u tell her she will loose her toys make sure you take them away almost like being cruel to be kind

 

[PatchMum]

I sympathise, get tough and calm, you're the boss. Some ideas

The food - make the healthy meals you are for the whole family, one meal for all. Offer that, make it clear there is nothing else. If she doesn't eat, she goes hungry. She'll learn. Enforce table manners. Hide the food she prefers

The walking - stickers and reward chart. get a sticker for walking nicely. Before any outing make it clear what the rules and expectations are. Make it clear there's a sticker for staying together.

The answering back / not listening - enforce the naught step ala Super Nanny style. It works, any answering back, warning, then step.

Take a big breath, remember you are in charge and a good mum. Be tough emotionally, it's all a phase good or bad.

PatchMum