Devastated That I Can't Donate...

[bloodbinds]

I'm struggling a little.

At the beginning of this year my best friend confined in me that her and her husband were having trouble conceiving. Her egg count was basically none existant. She went through the various processes hoping to increase her chances without any luck.

I decided to look into it and found a few blogs about women that had donated their eggs, I looked into happy cases and sad cases and a few days later I met up with my friend and offered her my eggs. I had no idea if she would even want them, but I knew that I wanted to offer. She went away and thought about it and then her husband thought about it and then they told me to think about it some more and then we decided to book me in with the fertility clinic and have a counsellor talk me through the process and basically try to talk me out of it (standard procedure apparently).

Then after months of going off the pill, not being allowed to have sex with random men (basically my favourite hobby) being probed and tested for every single disease under the sun, it comes to the point that I'm told I have the carrier gene for cystic fibrosis. 1 out of every 25 people do. And it's not too bad, but if the possible father also has the gene, they can not let me donate my eggs to them.
And then, surprise surprise, he's tested and he has the same gene and everything we've been working for for the last few months comes crashing down around us.
I feel selfish, for feeing sad, this was their chance, their baby and it's their bad news - not mine. But I'm really struggling with it. I cried when she told me and she was the one having to comfort me. Ridiculous. And now I feel so guilty for giving her this hope and for it to come crashing down I don't feel I can even be around her, like I'm a walking reminder of the child she could of had.

I feel horrible for feeling horrible and people don't seem to understand. 'Well at least you can go back on the pill now' 'well at least you won't have to inject yourself with hormones' 'well at least you won't have to go through all that'. I know people are just trying to help but everyone is acting like for me, this should be good news. It's not good news, I was going to give them the greatest gift you could ever give and now it's all turned to crap. Yet I should be happy because I'm allowed to have sex again.

Sorry, I guess I just needed to rant and I thought someone in this area might have been in a similar situation. I hope I haven't come across as insensitive or offended anyone as that has definitely not been my intention x

 

[Mrs G]

Hi

Firstly as a donor egg recipient is just like to say thank you for being such an amazing, selfless person. My donor was not known to me, and her gift was a miracle but to offer to donate to a friend is such a fantastic thing to do.

I know how heartbreaking it is when your plans don't work out but you must not blame yourself in any way. You are dealing with the news yourself but considering the impact on them, that just makes you a brilliant friend.

As much as your donation would've been a perfect solution, there are other options open to them. Their journey can still continue.

Please don't be hard on yourself, you've done an amazing thing getting this far, your friend should be honoured to have a friend like you.

Xx

 

[SoBlessedMama]

I'm so sorry. I don't have any experience with this, but you sound like an incredibly selfless, amazing friend. I think Mrs. G said everything perfectly, and since she is speaking from personal experience, I think you can take great comfort in knowing what a huge deal it is that you even offered. Big, big hugs.