dancareoi
2 DS 2 DD 3 Angels
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- Jan 16, 2012
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I have been writing under miscarriage support section but needed to write under this section as well.
In July 2009 I had MMC at 8 weeks gestation, thought I was 10-11 weeks. Nothing felt right from the start. I had an early scan at private clinic at 8 weeks, as due to my age of 38, i was worried. The scan showed a heartbeat. 1 week later I had an early scan at hospital due to gestational diabetes, the scan showed a heartbeat, but the measurements they gave didnt tie in with the measurements from the week before. I mentioned it to the hospital and said i didnt think it had grown, they said the dates could be different and not to worry .Also I had no pregnancy symptons so was starting to feel uneasy.
Not long after this i got up one morning to find blood - we went to A & E - they asked me questions have you any pain? what is blood like etc, but wouldnt scan me.
I couldnt wait I needed to know so we went to private clinic on the same day and the scan showed no heartbeat.
We had the D & C the same day.
I knew something was wrong from the start, I had also had a nightmare one night and in my dream i was losing my baby and there was loads of blood in the toilet
In the september i became pregnant again. This time I had symptons, but at 7 weeks started bleeding. i went to hospital for early scan and it showed heartbeat and a blood clot in my womb. the hospital told me i would bleed again.
A few days later I started to bleed, like someone had turned, but at the same time dreamt i was walking to school to pick up the other 2, with a little baby boy in a pram.
i had to wait over a week for another scan, and everything was fine.
In May 2010 i had a healthy baby boy.
Last october, at the age of 40 i found i was pregnant again.I had 2 very disturbing dreams in which there was blood in the toilet. this really scared me, but on 8th December 2011 i had a nuchal scan at 13 weeks, all was good and i was told i had a very healthy baby and pregnancy.
Such a refleif. A week or so later we started to share our news and told our 10 & 7 year olds the good news.
On Mon 9th Jan , at 17 weeks and 3 days, i went to hospital for a routine check, on my own, they couldnt find heartbeat. The scan confirmed baby had died at 14 weeks. i had to call my hubby with the news.
he came immediately to the hospital, I was in bits.
next day we had to go back for me to take a tablet to reverse the pregnancy process.
On thurs 12th jan, we were back at the hospital by 7.00am as i had started bleeding.
They inserted a table inside me at 7.40am. At approx 8.40am my little angel was born, without any pain.
Our little angel was prefectly formed, the hospital staff were so good, they put our little one in a tiny moses basket with a blanket and brought baby for us to hold.
Later in the day my husband went home to see the other kids, I had my baby back and sat talking and holding its tiny, but perfectly formed little hand.
I told my little one how much we loved it and would never forget, I kissed it on the head and said goodbye.
We decided not to have a post mortem as it didnt seem right to have such a tiny being poked and prodded. we also decided not to find out whether a boy or a girl, but probably too small to find out anyway.
We have a cremation on monday, just myself and husband to attend and the hospital chaplain, who is going to mention our other little one as well.
The chaplain will be meeting us again Tuesday morning to bury our little angel`s ashes in the babies memorial garden at the hospital.
I am totally empty and devasted at our loss and can not understand why this has happened.
i dont feel like i will ever get over this.
We are having the following poem read at the service, it makes me cry every time i read it, but is beautiful
An Angel Never Dies
Dont let them say I wasnt born,
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
Ive loved you from the start.
Although my body you cant hold
It doesnt mean Im gone
This world was worthy, not of me
God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face
You have my word, Ill fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.
Youll hear that it was meant to be,
God doesnt make mistakes
But that wont soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.
Im watching over all you do,
Another child youll bear
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.
There will come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then youll understand.
Although Ive never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes
That doesnt mean I never was,
An Angel never dies.
Status: Online
In July 2009 I had MMC at 8 weeks gestation, thought I was 10-11 weeks. Nothing felt right from the start. I had an early scan at private clinic at 8 weeks, as due to my age of 38, i was worried. The scan showed a heartbeat. 1 week later I had an early scan at hospital due to gestational diabetes, the scan showed a heartbeat, but the measurements they gave didnt tie in with the measurements from the week before. I mentioned it to the hospital and said i didnt think it had grown, they said the dates could be different and not to worry .Also I had no pregnancy symptons so was starting to feel uneasy.
Not long after this i got up one morning to find blood - we went to A & E - they asked me questions have you any pain? what is blood like etc, but wouldnt scan me.
I couldnt wait I needed to know so we went to private clinic on the same day and the scan showed no heartbeat.
We had the D & C the same day.
I knew something was wrong from the start, I had also had a nightmare one night and in my dream i was losing my baby and there was loads of blood in the toilet
In the september i became pregnant again. This time I had symptons, but at 7 weeks started bleeding. i went to hospital for early scan and it showed heartbeat and a blood clot in my womb. the hospital told me i would bleed again.
A few days later I started to bleed, like someone had turned, but at the same time dreamt i was walking to school to pick up the other 2, with a little baby boy in a pram.
i had to wait over a week for another scan, and everything was fine.
In May 2010 i had a healthy baby boy.
Last october, at the age of 40 i found i was pregnant again.I had 2 very disturbing dreams in which there was blood in the toilet. this really scared me, but on 8th December 2011 i had a nuchal scan at 13 weeks, all was good and i was told i had a very healthy baby and pregnancy.
Such a refleif. A week or so later we started to share our news and told our 10 & 7 year olds the good news.
On Mon 9th Jan , at 17 weeks and 3 days, i went to hospital for a routine check, on my own, they couldnt find heartbeat. The scan confirmed baby had died at 14 weeks. i had to call my hubby with the news.
he came immediately to the hospital, I was in bits.
next day we had to go back for me to take a tablet to reverse the pregnancy process.
On thurs 12th jan, we were back at the hospital by 7.00am as i had started bleeding.
They inserted a table inside me at 7.40am. At approx 8.40am my little angel was born, without any pain.
Our little angel was prefectly formed, the hospital staff were so good, they put our little one in a tiny moses basket with a blanket and brought baby for us to hold.
Later in the day my husband went home to see the other kids, I had my baby back and sat talking and holding its tiny, but perfectly formed little hand.
I told my little one how much we loved it and would never forget, I kissed it on the head and said goodbye.
We decided not to have a post mortem as it didnt seem right to have such a tiny being poked and prodded. we also decided not to find out whether a boy or a girl, but probably too small to find out anyway.
We have a cremation on monday, just myself and husband to attend and the hospital chaplain, who is going to mention our other little one as well.
The chaplain will be meeting us again Tuesday morning to bury our little angel`s ashes in the babies memorial garden at the hospital.
I am totally empty and devasted at our loss and can not understand why this has happened.
i dont feel like i will ever get over this.
We are having the following poem read at the service, it makes me cry every time i read it, but is beautiful
An Angel Never Dies
Dont let them say I wasnt born,
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave,
Ive loved you from the start.
Although my body you cant hold
It doesnt mean Im gone
This world was worthy, not of me
God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face
You have my word, Ill fill your arms,
Someday we will embrace.
Youll hear that it was meant to be,
God doesnt make mistakes
But that wont soften your worst blow,
Or make your heart not ache.
Im watching over all you do,
Another child youll bear
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.
There will come a time, I promise you,
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then youll understand.
Although Ive never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes
That doesnt mean I never was,
An Angel never dies.
Status: Online
after about 2 months my husband came around and we were excited, he was just worried that I was 40 and he was 39. I told him a lot of people have babies even older than us.
I lost my daughter at 17 weeks as well and had to tell our 3 other children. They didnt take it well and my 4 yr old blamed me. That was tough. I am glad you ventured over here to our group for support as this bunch of ladies is amazing 
