Devasted - little angel born at 17 weeks

[Bride2b]

I know how you feel about "the last time I did this I was pregnant," I cried when we ordered chinese for the first time after my loss as I had a chinese the night I found out I was pregnant as I really fancied. To an outsider that would probably class me as bordering on psychotic! But it really hurts. The jeans I wore the day I lost Bertie have been hung over my wardrobe door since I took them off before my waters broke. I think I might have leaked amniotic fluid (didnt realise this at the time) when I was wearing them. I havent brought myself to wash them. I dont think I can wear them again as they remind me of the moments running up to when I lost him. There are constant reminders!

I'd like to say it gets better, it does with time. I have more good days now than when it first happened, but everyday my heart aches for him. Yesterday was 8 weeks & 1 day since I lost him & I literally spent the whole day in tears. Mostly thinking that I have to go collect his ashes & am now having to decide what to do with them. I also want to make/buy a memory box to put the scan pictures in, his footprints etc. So this is playing on my mind.

As to trying again, I think your OH is terrified for have this happen again. They dont have the same instinct to desperately want to be pregnant again. I think about being pregnant & getting pregnant every minute of everyday & am doing everything I can to make sure that when I try next month I have the best chance ever to be successful.

Your ten year old sounds adorable

 

[dancareoi]

My 10 year is adorable, thank you.
Your feelings are exactly the same as mine. I think only a woman can experience these strong feelings, as the OH are not as connected from the start as we are. As soon as we find out we are pregnant you can feel that connection of wanting to love and protect, it`s very hard.
I had some maternity clothes for christmas, which are now just hanging in the wardrobe which I will hold onto for now.
they day I found I lost my LO i was wearing a new maternity top - I am going to get rid of this, it feels like it has bad luck, so I know how you feel about the jeans.
We laid the ashes to rest yesterday and I felt a kind of relief that we now had closure, although today for some reason I feel sadder than I did yesterday.
i suppose we need to take each day as it comes.
I too constantly think of being pregnant again and am so worried about losing another.
I am 40 now and they say 1 in 2 pregnancies over 40 end in miscarriage, so I`m hoping this one was the 1 in 2, so the next will be ok!
I hope all goes well for you in the next few weeks, please keep in touch as i would like to keep chatting, we have both been through the same experience within a few weeks of each other and both want to try again.
Thinking of you