DH has a gender preference, making me nervous

[cskme_]

I know this is kind of silly, but my anxiety doesn't help. My gender scan is coming up in a few weeks and DH will be with me. He is really hoping on having a boy as he is the only male left in his family, everyone has passed away. Also obviously he wants to do boy stuff with his child.

I have no preference, but am hoping for a boy only for his sake. I feel like if I have a girl, as much as I would love to do girly stuff with her, he may not feel the same way.

Has anyone been through this and everything turned out okay? I know if its a girl they can end up huge daddies girls, and I know he will love her either way but I don't want him to be disappointed and act differently then if it were a boy. Also I know if its a girl, when she grows older he will absolutely not want her going out with her friends, dressing any certain way, talking to any boys, etc.

Has anyone else had experience with this? Or have any input? I'm not trying to offend anyone, and I'm sorry to those with fertility issues, I really will be happy either way, just worried about DH.

 

[Buffyx]

I remember days before my 20 week scan with my DD we went to an engagement party. DH had a few drinks and people started asking him if we were finding out the gender, and what he preferred. He was telling everyone boy! Even though at home, he would tell me he didn't mind.

I was also really nervous, and then hoped for a boy. Then when they said she was a girl, I almost felt sick because I thought DH would be really disappointed. I felt like this for a day or so, and he reassured me that he really was happy with a girl.

He loves our daughter. She is almost 9 months old and I love watching them together.

I'm sure it will be fine. Most men probably do want their babies to be a boy to be honest.

 

[cskme_]

Aw thanks for that! I know there are probably plenty of people with the same experience but most rather not say as it is kind of a touchy subject.

I feel like I need to calm myself down before my scan because I would hate for them to tell me its a girl and I cry or even have a disappointed look on my face.

I have asked him how he would feel if it were a girl and he just kind of shrugged his shoulders. and I feel like it will be a girl, everyone on here thinks it'll be a girl by my scan photos and my whole family thinks it'll be a boy. This wait has felt like an eternity lol

 

[Smille24]

With my 1st, my dh wanted a boy so bad. He had all these plans of having a football star and doing boy things. He wasn't with me at the anatomy scan due to schedule conflicts, but I did call him after and told him it was a girl...you could hear a pin drop. The disappointment didnt last very long. I think he convinced himself that she was definitely a boy and was in shock. I think your dh will be happy either way. Before finding out what our 2nd was, he shocked me by saying he was hoping for another girl, but didn't care either way. Gender disappointment happens, but once the baby is born it is forgotten. Good luck at your scan.

 

[maryanne1987]

I may be slated here but I think it's totally ok for men to have a preference. We hear a lot about gender disappointment in women and how it's ok for a woman to feel that way but surely men can experience it too. Lots of ladies have a preference, are slightly disappointed after gender scans but then go on to accept and love their baby regardless of being the opposite to what they were hoping for. I'm sure once you find out at the scan, if baby happens to be a girl, even if it should take a few days for your DH to accept he will love that little girl fiercely when she's born. Honestly watching a dad and daughter together is such a beautiful thing. Don't stress yourself too much over it. Hope your scan goes well!

 

[cskme_]

I'm so happy to see positive comments on this thread. I know gender preference and disappointment are such touchy subject and even people say they don't care, its only human to prefer one or the other for certain reasons. As DH's reason is because all of the men in his family have passed away, I can totally understand why he would feel that way. My cousin has guessed her friends and her sisters LO's correctly, she said mine will be a boy, something inside of me is hoping she's psychic lol. I've watched videos of men and their little daughters and they are sooo sweet, I know that he would be super loving to her but I still don't want to go through the little disappointment stage with him.

 

[staralfur]

My DH had a strong preference for a boy and when we found out we were having a girl he was devastated. And I'm not being dramatic when I say "devastated"... it's an accurate description! He was dead quiet for a few days after we found out. It was like he was mourning the son he always thought he would have. It was hard on both of us because I of course feared that he wouldn't bond with her at all.

As the weeks went by he warmed to the idea. I wouldn't say he did a total turnaround and was ecstatic to be having a girl or anything, but he started buying girly clothes and started affectionately calling her "little girl" and small things like that.

My daughter is 4 now and he mentions ALL THE TIME how happy he is to have a girl. He gushes about her constantly and whenever someone he knows finds out they're having a girl he raves about how awesome it is to have a daughter. He's even said many times that if we ever have another kid he hopes it's another girl. Their bond is perfect, he could not love her any more than he already does.

So it might take your DH some time to come around but he will come around. It's stressful and heartbreaking to think that somehow your husband is disappointed with his child but truly before they're born it's just an idea of a child. Once your LO is born s/he will completely trump any expectations and nothing he imagined his child to be once upon a time will matter anymore because the reality is SO MUCH BETTER - regardless of gender.

My DH also said he'd be super strict with a girl but that hasn't played out at all yet, she's got him wrapped around her little finger.

 

[cskme_]

Thank you so much for that! My eyes actually got watery reading that lol. This has all made me feel a bit more hopeful. I will love my baby either way and I know that if it were a boy, he would be super happy but I know I wouldn't have that mother-daughter bond. I love that sons take care of their mommies and love them so much. But at the same time, if it worked out that he was absolutely in love with her, then I would love to have a girl, because I would get to do the girly things with her and he would spoil the hell out of her! if its a boy I also feel he may be harder on the boy (as he is a very manly man) he would be totally against any crying or whining, but if it were a girl it would probably melt his heart.
I can only hope that if it is a girl, he's not too disappointed and gets over it quickly.

 

[Emsabub]

I think once he holds that baby, everything he thought about what he/she'd be will disappear. He'll be glad to have his baby safe & sound

 

[3babesforme]

my husband did too, and now were about ot have our third boy lolol

 

[Peanut112]

My OH and I desperately wanted a boy too. But we are expecting a girl. Before we were constantly making jokes about her being a boy, but then once I got the "its a girl" things changed. I expected him to be upset about it being a girl but he's happy. The only thing that upset me was the fact that even after we were told, he still made a "my boy" comment and I felt like I had done something wrong… so I told him about how his remark upset me and I felt bad that I couldn't give him a boy. He explained to me he was just kidding, but I told him its not funny anymore and it hurts my feelings that i couldn't make him happy.. He assured me a million times over that he's %110 okay with a girl, as long as she's healthy and happy he couldn't care less what the gender is.

 

[Isme]

My second daughter was a complete surprise. My DH had been raising our oldest (not his biologically) and had said that he never wanted any children of his own... So my pregnancy was off to a rocky start. I felt like I had to temper any excitment or hope because this was not something he was automatically okay with. When he finally started to warm up to things, he very clearly seemed to express a preference for a boy. He said that there was no question it would be a boy, since boys ran strongly in his family. I got rid of my daughter's outgrown clothes that I'd been hoarding... and hopped on the boy train. I was just happy that he was showing some interest and excitment in our very unplanned baby. (I do want to point out that my DH is very kind and understanding... a lot of this was guilt that I had internalized, since my first daughter had been an unplanned teen pregnancy.)

Then the anatomy scan rolled around. The doctor said the baby looked healthy... and that he was pretty sure it was a girl. I cried. I felt so stupid, but I cried right there. I cried because they couldn't give me a "definite"... And I cried because both my daughter and husband had been expectlng and hoping for a boy. I felt like I had let them down. My DH never expressed any disappointment after hearing the news. Instead, he tried to console me because he thought I was sad it was a girl. He didn't understand that I was only upset because I felt like I'd let him down... and that I was afraid now he wasn't going to be as excited or invested because it was a girl.

It turned out great, though. He continued to be kind and supportive throughout the pregnancy, and when our daughter arrived-- he was over the moon. He loved his baby girl so much. He never has mentioned anything about wishing she was a boy.

Now we are pregnant with #3 many years later, and he thankfully hasn't expressed a strong preference either way. Sometimes I think he may be happy with a son just for the novelty of it. However, deep down I know he's very comfortable being a dad to girls. It's so funny how things turn out.

I'm sure your husband will love this child beyond measure, either way. Even if he's a little disappointed after hearing the news, by the time the baby gets here-- none of it will matter. Boy or girl, that is his child and he will be so happy with it.

 

[wannabump82]

I fully understand how you feel. Me and hubby have two boys and he has two boys from a previous marriage so all in all he has 4 boys. As you can imagine as this is our last he wants nothing more than to have a girl and I want nothing more than to have a girl for him. We have a gender scan next Thursday to find out and I'm nervous and excited. Hes thought of girls Name but jokes that there's no point thinking of boys names as it's definitely a girl....all because I had a bit of morning sickness with this one and none with the boys. Not long to find out. Worse part is the boys also want a girl so I could end up with 3 disappointments x

 

[Blessedbaby]

my DH wants a boy it will be our 3rd boy if it turns out to be a boy we'll only have one girl ... he also only has boy names picked out ... I hope its a boy for his sake but deep down I want a little girl so that my daughter is not the only girl ... we will see tomorrow

 

[Natasha2605]

My partner always desperately wanted a boy. We've not long had our third daughter. Yeah he was "disappointed" but our three daughters are his world. Deep down I know he'd always love a little boy (whereas I always wanted girls).

Try not to overthink it

 

[babybambi]

Awe don't worry, my first I 'knew' it was a boy but DH really wanted a girl and was convinced he'd have a girl. But as soon as he found out we were having a boy, he dragged me to toys r us to buy him a little drum kit (DH's a drummer) and little boy things. After that he was excited he was going to have a little boy. Now on to our next baby and asked him if he still wanted a girl and he's completely changed his mind. He'd be happy if we had a girl but we both kind of wanted another boy. He's all about the boys now hahaha. There's nothing wrong with having a preference but I think it's different for men because they can't feel what we do in pregnancy. I think all daddies come around once they see that little bundle.

 

[campn]

My DH also wanted a boy so bad with our first but we were told it's a girl (they made a mistake) and he quickly came around and he was totally in love with the idea of having a daughter. He said it'd be so sweet seeing how cute me and my sisters USED to be haha.

When we were told it's a boy and they made a wrong guess he was a little down about losing his girl. This time he was hoping for a girl from the get go and when the tech said it's a girl we hi fived each other.

They always come around I can't see how they can resist someone who looks so cute in a onesie

 

[LoveCakes]

I think even if he is disappointed when he holds the baby it'll change.

Sex is no guarantee of personality though, I'm not particularly girly, neither is my mum we'd be more likely to watch Sci fi together than get our nails done. If my LG ends up loving princesses and sparkly things ill have to learn to embrace it with her.

Even if baby is a girl he can still play football etc...

No advice but see what happens, who knows how you'll feel either way

 

[cskme_]

Thanks everyone, this has honestly made me feel so much more comfortable. I asked him myself if he would treat the baby any different if it were a girl and he just laughed and said no. I keep thinking to myself "obviously he's not going to say whether he would treat her differently." I think I'm the one being too concerned, for all I know he really wont be too disappointed. He keeps calling the baby "he" and sometimes he will catch himself and say "or she". All of your comments do make me think though, he will be a daddy to a little GIRL which he can call his daughter. That will still be so special to him. I never had a daddy when I was a little girl, so I think that's why I'm so concerned about their bond. But if I think about it, my mom and her sister were both major daddies girls, and there are tons of men i know that have little girls and love them with all their hearts, even my stepdad, although we never did much together as i was a girl and he was always into dirtbikes and snowmobiling and i was scared of them lol, he still loves me with everything inside of him. Thanks everyone your posts have actually comforted me so much. I will keep everyone updated on the gender - June 14th!!

 

[campn]

I wanted a girl this time but I kept referring to the baby as "he"! I think he doesn't mean anything by it.

Also treat her different also doesn't mean much as this is his first child so he really has nothing else to compare the treatment to, does this make any sense?