Dh spending all our money!!

[Aphrodite]

I am beyond pissed off at the moment. Dh has a history of overspending during the week. We agreed to a £5 a day for his lunch and we discuss anything else he needs like a haircut, tools for work etc. He's a painter and decorator and gets paid weekly on a Tuesday. I always tell him what and how much I've spent.

He keeps doing it over and over and we don't have money left for the weekend.

Ive just looked at our accounts and he has withdrawn £80 in two days and only has 'a couple of quid' left. He's ill in bed with a virus but I'm poorly too. I've had to cancel my dentist appointment for today as there's now no money left and we're overdrawn.

I've given him ultimatums before about this but it seems to fall on deaf ears. I've told him he won't be allowed ANY bank cards and I will hand him his allowance which I hate the thought of as I'm having to treat him like a child. He has a lego problem and keeps buying the stuff. At least one set a week. On Tuesday when I asked him if the £40 he'd withdrawn would do for the rest of the week he said yes...even though it was double the amount. And now he has doubled that. He had to buy dinner for the kids yesterday while I was at work but that would have been under a tenner for all of them. Yet someone he's spent nearly £20.

Any advice or ideas? This is really going to start damaging our marriage if this carries on. I don't know what to do.

 

[MindUtopia]

Wait, he has a lego problem?!? I mean, I do know people are into them, and my friend's husband collects legos - but they are also financially stable and don't have to worry about money. I think if you're getting to the point where he isn't able to manage his spending, then you need to take the joint account cards and open him is own personal account and put money as needed into it weekly. That way he can spend however much he wants on whatever, but once it's gone, it's gone and he can't access anything else. But really, if you are just about making ends meet, I think he doesn't get to have a hobby. That's something you get to do when you have extra money to blow. Otherwise, necessities come first. My husband and I have separate accounts and I think it's a lot easier. We both have bills we each pay every month, and then from what's left for each of us, we can spend it on whatever we want. If one of us runs out, unless it's an absolute necessity (like when it's tight one month because of car repairs, etc.), we just deal with it until we have money again, rather than spending the other person's money. I think that's just easier and it's always worked for us (why we never bothered to open a joint account) and it means we don't stress each other about how much the other spends.

 

[AP]

My husband was awful for spending stupid amounts on crap he didnt need. And lunch just never should need to be that amount if he takes lunch in.

The lego issue, I'm just shaking my head at. LEGO? I dont think he appreciates the value of things. I do think you need to put boundaries down, I dont even buy my kids stuff like that weekly.

When we changed roles, I have the majority of payments come into my bank account. DH happily asked for a budget to work towards to everytime I get the wages in I transfer an amount to him. It's worked - massively.

 

[Aphrodite]

It's not just lego, he's always frittered money away. It's just worse now that he's got into this 'hobby' he's still managed to fritter £40 on top of the lego purchases. Ive just spoken to him about it and he's just gone all silent and moody. No apology. I really hate how he makes me feel, having to talk to him like a child and being the grown up in the relationship.

 

[AP]

It's not nice I know. And it feels crap to withold money, its never a good situatuion unless its happily agreed on.

 

[daneuse27]

Wow thats awful. Must be very stressful, I'm sorry.

Any way you can just open your own separate bank account and just have your money separated from now on? I know that its only a band aid solution to a bigger problem, but at least you'd have some guaranteed money there that you'd need for any kind of emergency or if anything important comes up.

 

[Abz1982]

I know the feeling and sympathise. I am not working as made redundant and ther eis now no local childcare avaliable so cant work.
My OH spends money like its free.. He got money for bein goffshore, and of course it woul dbe wise to make it last........I had to check bank earlier and there was £275 for plastics for his bike.........the bike her cant ride as he doesnt have a full licene. he has just spent £160 on plastics for the bike he DOES ride. and then bought me MTB wheels and was going to get them constructed at a cost of £160.

And here is me feeling bad because I spent £20 on a saddle pad for the shetland and I bought a new freezer so we can buy reduced and freeze it. I count house purchases as MY purchases, so it looks liek I spend loads, when its on the house .
HE goes away to about 4 away gigs a year so thats about £600-£700 he spend son that, and I havent had my hair cut in nearly 2 years because I feel guilty spending £60 on my hair. Even when I was earning neer the same as him .

Its like having this big kid isnt it??

 

[Aphrodite]

It is like having a big kid. He seems to have no concept of budgeting or anything. He's done it again today. He took some money out but said, don't worry I only need a fiver out of it. Well he's spent all of it, £20 in a day on nothing. I'm getting more and more fucked off every time he does it. I think half the problem is because we have always had a really good relationship he sort of thinks we are invincible to problems. But this is damaging our marriage and I need to tell him this so he gets a wake up call. I'm so angry with him I don't even want to speak to him.

What I'll probably have to do is open up a separate account for myself but not tell him. I hate that he's driven me to this bit I can't see an alternative. He is the main earner, I only bring home about £450 a month which all goes towards our rent. I do agency work now and again so I think I'll have to keep my money separate. Although if didn't behave like a child I wouldn't have to do this.

 

[daneuse27]

Definitely open up your own personal account.

 

[Natty_babez]

I know this is an old thread but did you manage to sort something ? My other half is exactly the same !!
When I get paid all my money goes on bills and I have a little spare left over but he also works away and he spent literally £30 a day on nothing from what I can see last week. His boss pays for his evening meal every night so he only has to buy drinks and his breakfast and dinner which I think he could easily manage on £10.


We have done the separate bank accounts but because I earn a lot less than him I felt bad giving him "spending money" when I know he works hard for his money and I would never stop him having his own money and having things he wants if we could afford it but because he spent so much money last week he's had to put £200 out of his wage into my account to make up the bills for his overspending. Whenever I speak to him about it I get nothing out of him he won't say a thing and it's so frustrating.

We have nearly split up once over this and I really thought he'd learn he used to have a gambling problem and still does but he has cut that down a lot he would spend hundreds and leave us with nothing but now he probably spend £80 a month which I know is still bad and he knows how much it upsets me but I can tell he is trying with this. I already am worrying about money with having a new baby on the way and then this as well is stressing me out which I know isn't good

Xxx