Diary Entry 1- screw you PCOS

[Nicole R.]

Diary Entry #1

I hate PCOS & Hypothyroidism. It pisses me off. Month after Month, I get crosshairs only for them to be taken away and declared an annovulatory cycle. Every month I get my hopes up thinking I really ovulated this time.. just to be disappointed.
I have two beautiful sons that I am very thankful for. My oldest is four and was conceived my first month of Clomid. My second was conceived during my "fertile" period Post Partum. Maybe I should just call my doctor and ask for more Clomid & Provera. I really wanted to conceive naturally. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes I feel like less of a woman because I can't have a baby without assistance. We will only have three children, and really praying for a babygirl. As a woman, I want a daughter to share my future life with, along with my sons. I just know when they grow up, they'll find their own wives who have their own mothers. Whoa.. getting really off track here.

Anyway, when I conceived my first and second actually, I NEVER had any fertile CM, like at all. Last two months I've had GLOBS of EWCM.. so that has to mean something right? Last cycle, my doctor upped my dosage for hypothyroidism. Blood work shows my hormones are pretty stable for PCOS, so I'm hoping my body is trying. Usually, my temps are all over the place, erratic and meaningless. Last cycle, I had a small temp rise that looked like my body was *trying* to ovulate along with GLOBS of ewcm. I was so excited, I literally sat in the bathroom taking pictures of my abundance of stretchy cervical mucus. But then I didn't ovulate.. and I was disappointed. I had one day of light menses, which usually my periods come and go within a blink of an eye.. cycle #2 with my double dosage of Armour Thyroid and I had even more GLOBS of EWCM on cd8, watery on cd9, and a small amount of ewcm on cd10. Crosshairs for cd9. Previous cycles my temp are always low. When I conceived my first son, my temp never went above 97.8-98.0 My post O temp around 2 & 3 dpo was 98.6- I was so surprised.. The relief of seeing such a high temp on my stupid little purple and white thermometer had me so happy at 4am I couldn't go back to sleep.. I was on cloud 9, for two days in a row.
I find myself so excited to go to sleep just to temp the next morning. I had a huge temp drop on 5dpo, if I am even DPO, but temp shot back up this morning. I hope my PCOS or HYPO doesn't come back this cycle just to trick me, and laugh for actually expecting to ovulate on my own.
Anyway, the EWCM, has to speak for something.. so FX it means I am getting close. Ive been TTC #3 since May 2013.. if I don't succeed in six more months, I suppose I'll go to my OB and get the prescriptions..

 

[ireadyermind]

I know what you mean! I have suspected I had PCOS most of my life since puberty, but never had medical coverage. The free clinics wouldn't test, only provide BC to help regulate things.

Now that I do have health insurance, I'm waiting for CD1 so I can schedule an ultrasound appt to look for cysts, plus a blood work up to check hormones. My cycle this month is currently on CD 43 and no AF in sight. Fertility Friend just tried to put my cross hairs at CD 40 this morning, with no other signs of fertility present this week, and lots of them around CD34!

I don't think you're any less of a woman for needing assistance TTC. You don't have any control over what your ovaries do (or don't do!), so don't be too hard on yourself!

I hope you actually did ovulate all on your own this month, and FX'd for your baby girl!

 

[Nicole R.]

Thank you darling!! PCOS sucks, I've been diagnosed since I was 15. I spent most of my late teenage years worrying that I would never be able to be a mom! So, I am very blessed to have to young boys! I thank God for them everyday!

For the record, I think your chart looks great! Definitely looks like you ovulated!! FX!

 

[ireadyermind]

Thank you darling!! PCOS sucks, I've been diagnosed since I was 15. I spent most of my late teenage years worrying that I would never be able to be a mom! So, I am very blessed to have to young boys! I thank God for them everyday!

For the record, I think your chart looks great! Definitely looks like you ovulated!! FX!

Hey, thanks! I thought so too, and FF didn't! lol. I guess it isn't the wonder app I originally thought it was. Though I will say it has helped me get a feel for my own body, which is nice. I hope every cycle isn't this long though! The wait is excruciating!

 

[Nicole R.]

How long have you been TTC? Are your cycles always this long? I definitely think a some provera and clomid will help you! They usually make you wait a year TTC to consider it, but I think ladies with pcos are excluded from that. I was given the prescription the first month I met my new doctor. I printed off a cycle and took it to her and she had no problems giving me the prescriptions. I went from having 70-120 day cycles to taking provera and ovulating on cd15! And we fell pregnant the first month. I might make an appointment for myself lol

 

[ireadyermind]

How long have you been TTC? Are your cycles always this long? I definitely think a some provera and clomid will help you! They usually make you wait a year TTC to consider it, but I think ladies with pcos are excluded from that. I was given the prescription the first month I met my new doctor. I printed off a cycle and took it to her and she had no problems giving me the prescriptions. I went from having 70-120 day cycles to taking provera and ovulating on cd15! And we fell pregnant the first month. I might make an appointment for myself lol

This is cycle #7, though I was too sick to BD for one month, we missed our window on another... I suppose technically it's only been 5 cycles. lol


And no, usually my cycles aren't this long. The past year they've been staying at about 35 days, which according to my GYN is normal.

Back in high school, though, I generally only had AF every other month, sometimes longer, and when she DID show, she lasted at least 10 days at a time. It didn't regulate to 28 days until I started using BC, and then now that I'm off, they went immediately to 35 days the same month. Oye.

I'm really not sure at ALL what happened this month, but I was complaining of constant O pain all last month and it still happens daily, to varying degrees, this cycle, so I think something changed.

I just can't get that ultrasound I need until AF shows, because the GYN wants to make sure that any cysts she sees aren't because I'm about to ovulate. So not only am I hoping for a BFP, but at the same time I'm also hoping if I don't get that, then AF shows up because I'm sick of waiting to make that appointment! lol