Did having a baby bring you closer...

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by BabyNo1., Jun 1, 2011.

  1. BabyNo1.

    BabyNo1. Well-Known Member

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    ... to your OH?

    My husband is worried he'll be pushed away!, we have tried for years for a baby and finally conceived through IVF, he was just as desperate as me for a baby, he is worrying me a bit by saying I might push him away, I keep telling him i'll need him even more now and we will do it together, does anyone have any advice on keeping him involved and close, we love each other so much I don't want him to feel pushed away, I'm hoping this will make us even closer, or have I just got my head in the clouds! I know we have tough times ahead!
     
  2. Mummytofour

    Mummytofour Mumtofive! BFing WTT!

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    Just involve him rather than do it all yourself.:thumbup:

    My DH has always bathed our babies at night before bed and read stories etc. He also has baby as soon as he gets home from work and I only have them to BF before bed as I've usually been at it all day!

    It will be a special time for you both to share. Good Luck!:hugs:
     
  3. CharlieKeys

    CharlieKeys Well-Known Member

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    The only advice is don't tell him he's doing it wrong - just ask him questions like 'have you winded LO' as I've seen ladies who have said they nag their husbands or constantly go on about stuff that their husbands end up resenting them or it causing a row. Let him do as much as he wants but don't let him get away with doing nothing :)

    It is hard work but you need to work together :) once Babyis here you'll all figure out a routine and he'll feel more settled :) just be encouraging but not patronising iykwim
     
  4. My4thmiracle

    My4thmiracle Mummy to baby Nico + 3

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    My honest opinion is it tests how strong you are together, the first 12 months are hard. No matter how much I tried to include the fob, he still felt left out. No matter what I said or did made it different.

    Just be yourself and see how it goes. Just make sure hubby talks to you so you know.

    As much as it will grate your nerves to watch them take 5 times longer to do something. than you can do it, try holding your tongue lol
     
  5. BabiNo2

    BabiNo2 Well-Known Member

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    I think it brought us closer together, we were just this little family and wanted to spend all our time together. DH fell in love with daughter straight away and became very protective. When baby comes you will be able to have cosy nights in watching DVD and pizza whilst cuddling your little bundle of joy!!
     
  6. littleblonde

    littleblonde kacey and sophie

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    it maybe hard. I no that a lot of my friends and me had problems to start with!your gonna be more tired that you have either been and hormonal. However if you work together you will get through it. Like the above. Help him to learn. My oh does bath times to. Its his own thing and he likes it
     
  7. BabyNo1.

    BabyNo1. Well-Known Member

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    Thank you ladies! he has a child from a previous relationship and his ex pushed him away after she had the baby they were never the same after that, so I think he is worried it will happen to us and he says he loves me so much he doesn't want that happening to us! I think we will have to take one day at a time and help each other as much as possible.
     
  8. amy_1234

    amy_1234 Mummy to Olivia

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    Some men can feel a bit pushed out especially if you have been on your twos own for so long. The best thing for you to do is involve him as much as you can so they still feel an important part of the relationship I'm sure your hubby will be fine xxx
     
  9. Mrs.Cullen

    Mrs.Cullen Well-Known Member

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    Having a baby if im brutally honest does test you and it can feel like you are being pulled apart at times BUT.... if you are aware that it can be tough then you will be more aware of eachothers feelings and you will be able to deal with it properly. Communication is the key as long as you can be honest wth eachother and talk about what problems you have or how you are feeling then you will be fine.

    xxx
     
  10. NOMORENUMBERS

    NOMORENUMBERS Well-Known Member

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    i agree with the it tests how strong you are together, having a baby brings on all sorts of things which can cause all sorts of arguements. i can catagorically say that me and dh never argued before we had our baby but afterwards with tiredness, lack of money, and looking after a newborn it is really really hard to not get snappy with eachother. my dh is perfect and a wonderful dad but at first he still didnt realise that it was not acceptable to shout at me for waking him up at 11 when he had been asleep since 10pm when i had been awake well it seemed like forever at that point . . . i thought i was being nice letting him sleep until 11!


    like with everything that time passes, once baby gets a little bigger they sleep more you get more sleep and with more sleep comes a more reasonable person lol

    my message is if you both help each other out, both sacrifice what you want to do sometimes (ie sleep until 12 or go out) and both help out looking after baby as well as keeping communication going about how you are feeling then that will avoid alot of arguements and just ensures that no one is bottling anythign up an resenting the other etc etc

    i know i sound scary but in reality your relationship is going to be tested, but that doesnt mean that it wont still be a special time and that you will come out of it smiling! me and dh are back to no real arguements, yes we have the come on its a really bad nappy i dont want to do it . right but i have done the last 10 days worth squabble lol
     
  11. cyanidepill

    cyanidepill Well-Known Member

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    With my first baby.....I guess we were brought closer for a little bit, I married him (which i really wish i hadn't done).....then things got much worse and i kicked him out when our Son was 3 (he had played away etc).

    Now we hate eachother with a passion, and it's our son and him only that we are civilised for.

    I've remarried now, and as time draws closer me and hubby are closer and looking forward to our daughter arriving. Though i've annoyed him this morning because i spoke sharply to him.

    I was in a lot of pain with spd, hardly slept, still got up and made son and him breakfast, sorted the dog and he lay in bed - which gave me reason enough to be all grrrr.
     

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