Did You Intend To Be A Single Mother?

[TupeloHoney]

Growing up, alot of kids I knew only lived with one parent, but it was usually from divorce. I was my mother's planned baby, even though my father wasn't planning to stay with her. It's always been just me and my mom.

She was thirty when she had me.

How old were you when you made that choice, to raise a baby on your own? What made you feel you could do it? How did you prepare?

 

[xSophieBx]

19. I walked out of an emotionally abuse relationship(which was only short anyone) & I was a broken girl for weeks, worrying about my baby, but we've done just fine and shes so much better off just having me! I have got a strong family support from my mum & dad and I'm living at home with my mum... not sure how I would of coped had I been totally on my own!

ETA: DD wasn't planned.

 

[SophiasMummy]

My mum was single mum as my dad cheated on her while she was pregnant, shes always been a strong willed person who can take care of herself and I picked that up from her so when me and FOB broke up when I was pregnant I just accepted that I would be a single mum, if anything my LO seems happier than most children and I think thats because she doesnt have to hear me and her dad arguing or see us annoyed at eachother, and my mum agrees with me I never intended to be a single mum infact I wanted LO to have the perfect family, but I accepted that it want going to happen, I was 19 when me and FOB broke up and I knew my mum had done it so I could aswell (she was 24 when she had me)

 

[Laura2919]

Well my mum and dad have been happily married for 33 years! Still together!
I didnt choose to be a single mum, it happened. We grew apart for reasons I believed and then when we split it all started to come out so for the past 6 years I have dealt with plenty.
My children are far better off with us apart than together, but the biggest change I notice in my dog. She used to chew absolutely everything including my bras, twins shoes, dummies, bags... EVERYTHING! Now she chews nothing... She is calmer and listens a whole lot more to me than she ever did.

It wasnt something I chose but I am 100% happy it happened. I want to be with someone who genuinely loves me and everything about me, not just because its easier that way.

 

[Mally01]

I have parents who love each other dearly and have been together 40 years, so I was completely devastated recently when my partner forced me to leave him because he wants nothing to do with the baby.

In hindsight, I did choose the wrong man and I do feel partly to blame for a) not using protection and just wrongly assuming at 38 and with endometriosis I couldn't get pregnant b) expecting someone who was flaky and unreliable with even the little things in life to be there for me and support my child. No offence to young single mums at all, but I do feel more of a sense of calm and acceptance at being a single Mum at 38 than I would if I were much younger. Not sure why? maybe time is ticking away in my biological clock and rather to have a baby this way than not at all?. Even if I meet an amazing man in the future, there is no way I will be having another child with them. I have discovered (and especially on these message boards and others) that there are a lot of ladies whose partners (who they thought really loved them) just disappear when they said they were pregnant. I would just be too petrified to get pregnant, even if I marry a guy in the future, just in case he too also leaves me.

 

[jaytee146]

I'm 24 and i didn't plan on being a single mom, my ex came home one day and decided to kick me out our home. it honestly was a blessing in disguise because i always said i never wanted to raise my child in a home where she was exposed to alcohol and abuse like i was. . so i guess Everything works out for a reason

 

[mkm1083]

Let's see... I was 25 when I had Danny. And 25 when I got pregnant with Tommy. When I was pregnant with Danny (planned pregnancy - we made the decision TOGETHER) my then husband stopped working and started spending all of his time at the bar and spending my whole paycheck there. We moved when Danny was 6 months old (I wanted to save my marriage) from Oklahoma to Wisconsin (we didn't really care for living in OK and I didn't really like my job and we were both just miserable). I figured a fresh start would get both of us happy again and get him out of the bars and back working. Got pregnant with Tommy within a month of moving (Basically planned pregnancy - I wanted a 2nd and I wanted them close together. He relented.) Guess what? Things didn't change. Surprise, right? There's a whole lot of other really bad stuff that I'm leaving out. Anyways, I finally made the decision to leave his sorry ass when about 4-5 months pg with Tommy and I came home from working all day to no food in the house for myself or Danny, the house a mess, and all of the money spent out of bank account, and not another paycheck for a week and a half. I didn't prepare. I didn't know I could do it. I just knew I couldn't keep trying to make the marriage work. I haven't seen him since then. He's never met Tom. I've never gotten a child support check. He calls once every 2-3 months. And we're doing just fine without him.

 

[jessrabbit]

I always dreamed of settling down, getting married and chosing to have a baby with someone I loved. Unfortunately, I discovered by BF was cheating on my the whole time we were together, I ended it and then I stupidly went on the rebound to take my mind of it and am now pregnant with the rebounds LO. Total accident. Its a scary time but and the total opposite to what I would have chosen.

I chose to go ahead because I'm 31 and figured that this is maybe meant to be.... I may never meet the 'one' and the thought of never having a LO, is much scarier than having one on my own.

Hoping FOB will be a good dad and then we will do a good job together, but will do it without him if he isnt.

 

[Ginger84]

No i never planned on being a single mum. My LO was very much planned and i was in (or so i thought) a happy marriage and was about to have everything i had ever dreamed of. Then when i was 6 months my DH decided to tell me he was leaving and never really wanted a baby?! he left shortly after and started seeing a girl he works with a couple of weeks later- coninsidence?I dont think so.

Anyways here i am rebuilding my life, have moved house to escape the memories and going back to work again after christmas. My DS is a happy contented baby and i am finding more reasons to smile and be happy every day, but its taken a long time to get here.

 

[mkm1083]

Wow Ginger your "DH" sounds an awful lot like my ex "DH"... Maybe we can change DH from "Dear Husband" to "Dickhead Husband"?

 

[Laura2919]

Wow Ginger your "DH" sounds an awful lot like my ex "DH"... Maybe we can change DH from "Dear Husband" to "Dickhead Husband"?

 

[teal]

I didn't plan on being a single mum.

My ex broke up with me when I told him I was pregnant at 4 weeks along. Not seen him since.. xx

 

[Snowball]

No, not at all. I still can't totally accept it

 

[Laura2919]

I hate to say I am a single mum. Its horrible. Sometimes I think people are looking at me funny but then I think its all in my head.

Its amazing looking at this thread how many people were actually in serious relationships and all are aged over 19 I am sure this world thinks all single parents are teens who had a one night stand.

Its sometimes hard to imagine but if it means me being happy then I am happy to be a single parent. I'd feel alone and unloved with FOB so this is better

 

[mkm1083]

I actually got a lot of support over my decision to kick his sorry ass out. Not just my family and friends who hate him but also all of his family and friends who... hate's not the right word... drawing a blank here... They have told him repeatedly that he should be taking care of his kids and making an effort to be in their lives.

I also have gotten from a lot of people how they wish they would have had the strength to leave a bad marriage but were too afraid to be single parents.

I haven't gotten any negative comments/looks from people at all. At least that I've noticed.

 

[Laura2919]

See FOB acts like he is this fantastic guy and yes he loves his children but at the moment there are things which are higher on his list of things than them

 

[Ginger84]

Wow Ginger your "DH" sounds an awful lot like my ex "DH"... Maybe we can change DH from "Dear Husband" to "Dickhead Husband"?

Love it!

 

[Mally01]

I definitely feel like society labels a lot of single mothers as women who were just not careful in preventing pregnancy with casual partners or had one night stands etc but I have learned very, very quickly that an awful lot of us have been duped by our partners (e.g they agreed and wanted to get pregnant but bailed at the reality of it) or men we have been with for years or even married to! have run off and left us.

What society doesn't get I think, is that a large majority of women do not wish to terminate their baby, so hence there is absolutely no choice but to go ahead and have the baby alone. This has made me realise how I appreciate men like my Father and Brother as I just assumed growing up that most men,no matter how they feel, always stick by their partner and kids but in a lot of cases that just doesn't happen. I am also dumbfounded about my own situation and other ladies on here who were in really good relationships (loving, supportive, good communication,been together a long time etc) before they got pregnant but the pregnancy made the man become like a weird alien being that they really don't know anymore!

 

[mkm1083]

It really is quite disgusting how many men just bug-off isn't it?

 

[blkhairbeauty]

I'm 21 years old, got married at 19 found out i was pregnant on our 6 month wedding anniversary. Things were going great, then he moved away to try and find us a place to live and a decent job. Well months down the road, his visits started dwindling, then one day I tried to get hold of him. He ignored me all day and I found out he was talking with another "girl". I investigated more and found he had been talking to different women for months trying to get "laid". I was completely crushed. I told him im tired of me and maddy being put on the back burner.

I didn't plan this. I was happy....apparently he wasn't. He told me he didn't want to be married, he didnt want to be tied down. he is a selfish pig who didnt want the responsibility. I'm still hurting about it(since its only been about 2 weeks). What kills me is not even the day before we called it quits i was saying to my bestfriend how amazing he is and how supporting....guess i was wrong. I'm now trying to find a job in the little rinky dinky town i live in and its hard. I dont have a car and im living with my parents. he isnt even helping with diapers....my parents had to buy them I feel horrible cause i cant provide for my daughter because of the situation im left in.