Did You Intend To Be A Single Mother?

[Mally01]

I'm 21 years old, got married at 19 found out i was pregnant on our 6 month wedding anniversary. Things were going great, then he moved away to try and find us a place to live and a decent job. Well months down the road, his visits started dwindling, then one day I tried to get hold of him. He ignored me all day and I found out he was talking with another "girl". I investigated more and found he had been talking to different women for months trying to get "laid". I was completely crushed. I told him im tired of me and maddy being put on the back burner.

I didn't plan this. I was happy....apparently he wasn't. He told me he didn't want to be married, he didnt want to be tied down. he is a selfish pig who didnt want the responsibility. I'm still hurting about it(since its only been about 2 weeks). What kills me is not even the day before we called it quits i was saying to my bestfriend how amazing he is and how supporting....guess i was wrong. I'm now trying to find a job in the little rinky dinky town i live in and its hard. I dont have a car and im living with my parents. he isnt even helping with diapers....my parents had to buy them I feel horrible cause i cant provide for my daughter because of the situation im left in.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Yet another example of a man just opting out when the reality of the situation hits him. I almost feel like there must be some law introduced preventing fathers from opting out of being a father or they go to jail (I suppose child support is somewhat like that though). Makes you wonder sometimes if half of these men never intended to be with us long term anyway (waiting for something better to come along perhaps?) and they know that having a child is um, for life not for Christmas, so they disappear pretty sharpish.

 

[Snowball]

I also think there should be a law. Also, why is it that if we as mothers ran off and left the kids we'd be hated and selfish, yet for men it's not the greatest thing to do but, in the words of FOB, "Shit happens"

I'd been with my ex DH for 6 1/2 years. We'd had our differences but nothing major. Then he just found another woman, decided it was love and left me and the kids in the middle of the night. MIL let them bump uglies in her bedroom so I wouldn't find out (his new 'love' only lasted a month till she ditched him). I was 6 weeks pregnant with our 4th child too. Then 4 days after Louie was born, he went off to Butlins and left me to cope.

Then he wonders why I ignore him

 

[Laura2919]

I also think there should be a law. Also, why is it that if we as mothers ran off and left the kids we'd be hated and selfish, yet for men it's not the greatest thing to do but, in the words of FOB, "Shit happens"

I'd been with my ex DH for 6 1/2 years. We'd had our differences but nothing major. Then he just found another woman, decided it was love and left me and the kids in the middle of the night. MIL let them bump uglies in her bedroom so I wouldn't find out (his new 'love' only lasted a month till she ditched him). I was 6 weeks pregnant with our 4th child too. Then 4 days after Louie was born, he went off to Butlins and left me to cope.

Then he wonders why I ignore him

OMG, I swear out FOB's are related!!! FOB said this..

'its not my fault we arent together anymore, shit happens, what shall I do? have the twins all day for you so you dont have anything to do.. Lifes tough, having twins is tough' Only his text consisted mainly off its tuff, u and av
That was all cos he had a day off and didnt offer to have the girls for me so I went mental I told him that he was a selfish c**t lol. I had previously posted on FB (all you ladies on my FB will see it) that I couldnt wait for bedtime because Chloe was doing my nut in... He knew and still decided his GF was far more important than me having a small break.. lol

 

[Ginger84]

It really is quite disgusting how many men just bug-off isn't it?

It is disgusting, i dont know how they sleep at night. You dont just walk out on your partner when she is pregnant and expect everything to be ok and still have involvement and 'pick and choose' when is convient to see LO. It makes me so angry that men all over the place are getting away with it, as snowball said, we wouldn't be able to get away with it. Yet all i hear from ex's family is oh well is great that FOB is still seeing LO and paying maintence, he's a great dad, blah blah blah. its crap-nothing can ever make up for the fact that men are walking out on their girlfriends/wives when they are at their most vulnerable and leaving them to put their lives back together whilst looking after a baby/child.

Sorry for ranting on there!

 

[Snowball]

When I found out about ex DH's affair, I outed it on his FB (stupid idea looking back but I was so angry). Then because he was so embarrassed he'd been found out (he works with her), he went to the doctors and got himself signed off sick for a fortnight... He STILL blames me for his bout of 'stress' *cough* got caught with his trousers down *cough*. Anyway, in that 2 weeks he hardly came over to see the kids, he was literally being mothered by MIL because of all the emotional turmoil he was going through post skanky shagging.. Poor soul

Good job I could cope through the stress of suddenly finding out I was pregnant with his child, him running off and deciding to downgrade PLUS looking after 3 under 5's on my own. At least he's better now, that's all that matters.

 

[blkhairbeauty]

With my ex, my SIL's are furious. The even went as far as calling him a selfish pig! This makes things so much better....im late i feel like my life is spinning out of control while he gets to go out when he wants and do whatever he pleases! he wants to have visitation but im going to try to get as less time as the judge will let him and have it be supervised. He has said dont be surprised you dont find me in a ditch dead AND he said he was going to mexico to get away from everything. Every time he says something to that matter i always tell him, you did this not me. If i am pregnant I know he is going to say its not his.....i haven't been with anyone but him for the past 3 years. irresponsible ass

 

[Snowball]

With my ex, my SIL's are furious. The even went as far as calling him a selfish pig! This makes things so much better....im late i feel like my life is spinning out of control while he gets to go out when he wants and do whatever he pleases! he wants to have visitation but im going to try to get as less time as the judge will let him and have it be supervised. He has said dont be surprised you dont find me in a ditch dead AND he said he was going to mexico to get away from everything. Every time he says something to that matter i always tell him, you did this not me. If i am pregnant I know he is going to say its not his.....i haven't been with anyone but him for the past 3 years. irresponsible ass

My ex claimed Louie wasn't his for a while. Infact after he was born I kind of hoped he'd want a DNA just so I could see his face when he realised what a nasty claim that was. Rather ironically Louie looks more like him than any of our other children.

Offer him DNA, it would be a great to shove the truth in his face

 

[blkhairbeauty]

im hoping its just stress that is making me late(as sad as that is ).....i know i would be ok because i have my family to help me out, but its just crazy. My luck, i really am pregnant....and the first thing he will say to me is get a smishmortion f***ing ass. now that its been a little bit since we split all the things are clicking in my head and i realized that he really was horrid to me. why are men such pricks?????

sorry for my rant, im just still really bitter and a little hurt still

 

[Mally01]

I think that's why I like coming on here. Most of us really need to man bash at the moment and you can just let go and say what you think and others just get what you are saying and understand why you feel so pi***ed off. I guess it is not healthy or productive in the long term and best not to sepnd our lives hating these men as they kind of win by making us unhappy for life. I'll never forgive my ex for just running away from me and the baby but I will forget him and I am debating at the moment whether it is really going to be a positive, not a negative thing that me and my Baby never see him again. We can start a new life without him.

 

[blkhairbeauty]

I'm to the point where I really don't want anything to do with him anymore. But he is trying to get to see DD as much as possible.....the dumbass dont even take care of his son when he has time with him....my ex-inlaws do!

 

[Snowball]

I think it must be very common for once a man has done a runner to play an 'uncle' type roll in their kids lives quite happily . I don't even consider FOB to be a proper 'father' to the kids because he doesn't act like one. The kids are all on his terms thesedays.

 

[tina_h75]

I also think there should be a law. Also, why is it that if we as mothers ran off and left the kids we'd be hated and selfish, yet for men it's not the greatest thing to do but, in the words of FOB, "Shit happens"

I'd been with my ex DH for 6 1/2 years. We'd had our differences but nothing major. Then he just found another woman, decided it was love and left me and the kids in the middle of the night. MIL let them bump uglies in her bedroom so I wouldn't find out (his new 'love' only lasted a month till she ditched him). I was 6 weeks pregnant with our 4th child too. Then 4 days after Louie was born, he went off to Butlins and left me to cope.

Then he wonders why I ignore him

OMG, I swear out FOB's are related!!! FOB said this..

'its not my fault we arent together anymore, shit happens, what shall I do? have the twins all day for you so you dont have anything to do.. Lifes tough, having twins is tough' Only his text consisted mainly off its tuff, u and av
That was all cos he had a day off and didnt offer to have the girls for me so I went mental I told him that he was a selfish c**t lol. I had previously posted on FB (all you ladies on my FB will see it) that I couldnt wait for bedtime because Chloe was doing my nut in... He knew and still decided his GF was far more important than me having a small break.. lol

yep, think my 'DH' has been taking notes from yours. He has hooked himself up with an ex ( prior to me ) and has decided its love so has walked out and left me to look after our 3 children, the eldest is only 3 yrs old. He is such a selfish spineless prick and I am trying to keep the anger going just to see me through these first few weeks. Tonight and tomorrow will be tough as its 1 week tonight since I found out.

A lot of sense is spoken in this section and it really helps. I did have an abusive relationship with my husband and he spoke to me like crap. He has no respect for me or my children and no interest in them either which makes me wonder why does he keep asking to see them. I am trying to remember that it is better for my children this way as they don't have to witness the rows and already I can see they are much calmer, happier and loving. I am having non stop hugs, kisses and cuddles from them.

6lb lost in 6 days !!! Its true what they say about the heartbreak diet being the best diet you will ever do.

 

[Snowball]

[



yep, think my 'DH' has been taking notes from yours. He has hooked himself up with an ex ( prior to me ) and has decided its love so has walked out and left me to look after our 3 children, the eldest is only 3 yrs old. He is such a selfish spineless prick and I am trying to keep the anger going just to see me through these first few weeks. Tonight and tomorrow will be tough as its 1 week tonight since I found out.

A lot of sense is spoken in this section and it really helps. I did have an abusive relationship with my husband and he spoke to me like crap. He has no respect for me or my children and no interest in them either which makes me wonder why does he keep asking to see them. I am trying to remember that it is better for my children this way as they don't have to witness the rows and already I can see they are much calmer, happier and loving. I am having non stop hugs, kisses and cuddles from them.

6lb lost in 6 days !!! Its true what they say about the heartbreak diet being the best diet you will ever do.

See I've made a mistake by letting my ex husband in so much. He still does nothing for the kids (unless it's a day sorted and planned by myself) and I have to constantly see the man that treats me like something he trod in.

I tell him not to come and yet he turns up regardless. I just wish he could see the damage is irreparable and as times goes on... it gets worse.

I don't see any benefit to his 'visits'. I find if anything he grabs me off of the pedestal I managed to climb to since I last saw him and dumps me back on the floor. The kids behaviour gets worse and I'm left to do everything. I spoke to him about his ability to lay on the sofa and do nothing for hours on end when he's here and he changed his outlook... for one visit! Then he was back to how he was again.

They never change. In my experience... If they were an 'average' father when they lived at home, they are a crap father once they leave.

I feel so horrible saying this but sadly, it's true

 

[tina_h75]

I have not seen him since I threw him out a week ago. I told him I don't want to see him yet as I am not ready so he won't be able to see the kids as I won't allow him unsupervised access. He won't ever have the kids again for a day out or for overnight visits, he was as bad a father as he was a husband and I can't trust him to look after them. My youngest is 13 months old and he has never even bathed him- he only ever made him 2 bottles up and both times had to ask me what to do. He doesn't know what clothes or shoe sizes they are and doesn't interact with them apart from telling them to be quiet because he can't hear the tv.

 

[Laura2919]

FOB is good with the girls when he wants to be, he thinks that its ok to have the life he does and the girls fit around it but he never changes the dates and respects it if I say your not coming round. Lol.

Its hard hun but you will get there. Its only been a week. In a few weeks time you wont even want to hate him, you will just look at him and think 'idiot' lol

 

[sarahxx]

I was 17 when I became a single mum, and it was never planned or expected. I honestly thought that me and FOB would be together forever, as naive as that sounds, and I was absolutely devastated when we split but it was my decision. It was so hard to stick with because I did and still do love FOB so much, but I had to accept that we weren't a good match and we could no longer make each other happy the way we did when we had no responsibilities.

I have parents who love each other dearly and have been together 40 years, so I was completely devastated recently when my partner forced me to leave him because he wants nothing to do with the baby.

In hindsight, I did choose the wrong man and I do feel partly to blame for a) not using protection and just wrongly assuming at 38 and with endometriosis I couldn't get pregnant b) expecting someone who was flaky and unreliable with even the little things in life to be there for me and support my child. No offence to young single mums at all, but I do feel more of a sense of calm and acceptance at being a single Mum at 38 than I would if I were much younger. Not sure why? maybe time is ticking away in my biological clock and rather to have a baby this way than not at all?. Even if I meet an amazing man in the future, there is no way I will be having another child with them. I have discovered (and especially on these message boards and others) that there are a lot of ladies whose partners (who they thought really loved them) just disappear when they said they were pregnant. I would just be too petrified to get pregnant, even if I marry a guy in the future, just in case he too also leaves me.

I would have felt a lot more confident if I was older, because you are prbably more financially stable and you have much more life experience. People tend to be more supportive of single mothers when they are older, the judgement young mums have to deal with is so frustrating!

 

[blkhairbeauty]

my crummy ass ex(its my daughters bday today) came here, visited with her like he was the best dad in the world and left! Didn't have a present, didnt give me any money like he said he would to help me out. And what happens, i call him after DD is asleep and he is at the bar "drinking his sorrows away" because he wasnt here!!!! IT WAS HIS F***ING FAULT ALL OF THIS HAPPENED! If he would actually been faithful and not want to be a freaking player then maybe this wouldnt have happened....He had the balls to say to me that he was having a shitty day because he didnt get to see his daughter blow out her birthday candle.....it was his choice to leave, i asked him to stay for cake and ice cream and to see her get her own cake and everything. But he said he didn't feel comfortable. I seriously wanted to say, "GET OVER YOURSELF AND GROW THE F*** UP!!!!" but i refrained. He came around me like nothing had happened. He wanted me to kiss him!!!!!! I was furious, i told him to f*** off. The prick had the NERVE to ask for a kiss! ANNDDD!!!!! it gets better.....i gave him a picture of us from a photobooth(the ones with the 4 pics on it) he said it was garbage, ripped it up, and threw it away. I was devistated! I went to my room(my parents had baby) and bawled for about 15 mins....I loved him and still do and I just don't get what I did sooooo wrong to deserve this! I hate men.....im going celibate...no strike that i have toys...im good. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!(sorry for being to forward....i needed a way to cheer myself up a little bit)

 

[Laura2919]

my crummy ass ex(its my daughters bday today) came here, visited with her like he was the best dad in the world and left! Didn't have a present, didnt give me any money like he said he would to help me out. And what happens, i call him after DD is asleep and he is at the bar "drinking his sorrows away" because he wasnt here!!!! IT WAS HIS F***ING FAULT ALL OF THIS HAPPENED! If he would actually been faithful and not want to be a freaking player then maybe this wouldnt have happened....He had the balls to say to me that he was having a shitty day because he didnt get to see his daughter blow out her birthday candle.....it was his choice to leave, i asked him to stay for cake and ice cream and to see her get her own cake and everything. But he said he didn't feel comfortable. I seriously wanted to say, "GET OVER YOURSELF AND GROW THE F*** UP!!!!" but i refrained. He came around me like nothing had happened. He wanted me to kiss him!!!!!! I was furious, i told him to f*** off. The prick had the NERVE to ask for a kiss! ANNDDD!!!!! it gets better.....i gave him a picture of us from a photobooth(the ones with the 4 pics on it) he said it was garbage, ripped it up, and threw it away. I was devistated! I went to my room(my parents had baby) and bawled for about 15 mins....I loved him and still do and I just don't get what I did sooooo wrong to deserve this! I hate men.....im going celibate...no strike that i have toys...im good. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!(sorry for being to forward....i needed a way to cheer myself up a little bit)

I wouldnt bother phoning him anymore. He is making you really angry and he is feeling sorry for himself which is pointless cos he is the cause.

 

[mamashakesit]

Never thought I would be a single mother in a million years. Wasn't even sure I wanted children, but if I did, I wanted a family. It was very, very hard to let go of that wish, especially since my ex keep flinging straws my way. It took a lot of mistakes on my part and going through a lot of humiliation and pain to realize that it is better he is not in my daughter's life at all.

 

[Happy]

No, not at all. I still can't totally accept it

Same here, im really struggling with it.