Did your religious believes change after losing?

[kelleyrn95]

My "faith" was shattered for certain after my Kathryn was stillborn at 37w. I, like you, blame God. I have others to blame but I see it as numerous "other" people failed to do their job in a timely manner which resulted in her death...for that I blame God. I still yell at him often & I'm sure over the past 2 1/2 years I've "flipped" him off.

Did you watch the movie Return To Zero? There was a little part about religion & how people "shove" it down your throat after a loss...it really spoke to how I feel about religion since my baby died.

I have found myself praying for a healthy baby that is alive in December but I also catch myself because I prayed constantly esp. when I was pregnant before and it didn't help...I'm just bitter.

Sorry if this is the wrong place for this post but I've noticed some who suffered loss find their faith to be stronger after but mine was shattered which makes me believe it wasn't very strong to begin with?

Hugs to you
Kelley

 

[skyesmom]

Kelley i think these changes are very very personal, and they don't necessarily speak of the strength of someone's faith. having it shattered or feeling it even stronger after a loss are a part of our ways of coping, and each one of us is unique.

i don't think that having your faith shattered after such an experience has anything to do with you not being a "real" believer before. these kind of losses change us from the very core so anything is to be expected.

 

[patch2006uk]

I was raised Christian but never really believed in it all. For me, my stillbirth confirmed in my mind that I don't really believe in it. I don't believe that my baby is waiting for me in heaven. I don't take any comfort in the idea that he is somewhere growing up without me but with god. I am, however, quite spiritual. I believe that there is a beauty and a majesty to the universe. Nature is all powerful. My son was taken from me by the universe. He remains part of that universe. And he lives on in my memory. I'm not angry about it. I wish it hadn't had to be this way. But if Charley hadn't been stillborn, I never would have conceived Alex. And my love for him confounds even me. I wouldn't exchange my living children, whom I know and love, for the stranger I carried. I would have loved him fiercely, but I didn't get the chance to know him. For whatever reason, this was all to be part of my story. I don't really believe in fate, but I suppose I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I'm not an atheist, but what feels right for me doesn't match any of the mainstream religions.

 

[eme]

I avoided this thread at first because I was afraid of people going hormonally crazy based on the topic haha (you know how we can be) ;-)

But I'm so glad to see everyone being able to express their views without attacking anyone else, how refreshing! I see the OP hasn't commented since so I don't know if she'll see it, but I wanted to share a very personal email I sent to my sisters, brother, mother, and BFF when my last pregnancy was failing and we were basically just waiting to see when the heartbeat would stop.

I think this answers how I felt, and I hope, for those that still have pain or anger....that maybe it sheds a different light:

I just wanted to say.....I know God has heard our prayers. He is not cruel nor is he ignoring our pleas. If this baby doesn't live I believe in my heart it is because of some chromosomal issues and not because God is unkind.

I am sad, I have cried now that I'm home. I will probably cry some more. Just because I am sad though doesn't mean I don't still have Joy. Doesn't mean that I don't still have peace, joy, love, and hope. My possession of those things are not determined by circumstance because that is not where I place my joy or my hope.

God has always been my comfort, my peace, and my joy. Not because I'm not strong enough to find those things for myself or in myself. I most certainly can. I just know that if I were to try and find those things in anything other than God.....it would be fleeting and based on circumstance.

I have no idea why I'm feeling the need to "proclaim" this...I just am. It's so easy to feel anger and bitterness in situations like this, situations where we don't understand the "why" behind something. I'm sharing this so that anger and bitterness have no where to hide, no where to grow, and no chance in setting up shop in any of our hearts over this.

I love you all and couldn't have done this without all of you!!!