didn't get my BFP

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by EmmyReece, Oct 28, 2008.

  1. EmmyReece

    EmmyReece Mummy To Olivia

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Messages:
    17,626
    Likes Received:
    4
    Well, I tried testing yesterday morning and all I got was :bfn: pretty much immediately ...

    Am getting fed up of it to be honest, there I was sneaking tests around my mum's house so she didn't see and get overly excited or anything. The only thing is I'm on something like cd41 now, which is driving me mad :cry:

    I don't think Chris is too bothered either, because he just keeps on that if it happens it happens, he doesn't seem to want to actively try anymore, well over a week now since we :sex: so I have probably missed my chance for this cycle
     
  2. amanthony

    amanthony Z's Mama

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2008
    Messages:
    1,305
    Likes Received:
    0
    That's such an awful feeling. I hate the waiting & getting your hopes up just to get a :bfn:. I hate it so much.

    My mom and husband are both so excited and so anxious. I'm sorry your OH is giving up...if it makes you feel any better, it sucks to have him hoping and hoping only to get negatives. When AF came this month my OH was more upset than I was. I know he didn't mean to make me feel bad, but it made me feel like a failure.

    Sorry. :hugs:
     
  3. EmmyReece

    EmmyReece Mummy To Olivia

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Messages:
    17,626
    Likes Received:
    4
    The test while I did at mum's I got all excited about because I thought I saw a line as the dye was going across, and then all of sudden I clicked in that the line should be vertical not horizontal. And I have never been more gutted than I felt then :cry:

    But that feeling of thinking I'd got a :bfp: was even more intense than what I felt the first time Chris kissed me.

    Why is it that the highs are so high and the lows so low??? I never thought I would feel this way :blush:
     
  4. Visqueen

    Visqueen mum to 2 beautiful girls

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2008
    Messages:
    721
    Likes Received:
    0
    Im sorry, I know how your feeling sick of :bfn: I had a mmc in April and got caught 1st month but now 7 months later still :bfn: it feels like a :bfp: will never happen dont it?

    Im sure it will happen soon for us :bfp: before we know it. I should have been due 6th Nov so feeling quite crappy altogether.

    Good luck :hugs:
     
  5. amanthony

    amanthony Z's Mama

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2008
    Messages:
    1,305
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ugh, me either. When we started TTC it was mostly him. I was terrified, and kind of wanted to wait. What I remember SAYING was that it might take a while, so why not start trying. But when AF came, I realized that I didn't actually THINK that it would be hard. I figured unprotected sex=baby. You spend so long trying NOT to get pregnant that you figure getting pregnant is easy. I never thought I'd be one of these charting, message-board-posting, abbreviation-using, TTCers. :) And after the :bfn:s this last cycle, I was devastated. I'm trying really hard to be upbeat now. I think it's easy now, because I can't do anything yet. Once the 2ww comes I'll be a disaster again. This time I'll wait longer to take the test, though...as torturous as it is to wait, it's worse to get the :bfn: and wonder "was it just too early or is it really a negative?" every second of the day. So sorry. :hugs:
     
  6. amanthony

    amanthony Z's Mama

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2008
    Messages:
    1,305
    Likes Received:
    0
    Oh, that's got to be hard. As hard as it is to get :bfn:s every month, getting that :bfp: and then losing it would just be so much harder. I'm so sorry. :hugs:
     
  7. EmmyReece

    EmmyReece Mummy To Olivia

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Messages:
    17,626
    Likes Received:
    4
    I feel so selfish on here when I see what some of the other women are going through and I think to myself, "gosh they really do deserve sticky bean so much more than I do". Me and Chris have only been trying for a few months really, though I'd been hoping for about 6 months that he would come round to the idea lol

    You see, I'm a big girl and I've never been particularly regular, so this may be for me one of my very long cycles for all I know. When I told Mum and it got back to Dad that I was trying all they could say to me was "well you'll need to lose some of your belly and start eating healthy"!

    I think it's the twinges in my belly, the sickness and heartburn that are getting to me too. Because, I think, well maybe this is my :bfp: and when I test, all I get is the :bfn: And I'm embarassed to admit that I am soooo jealous of my friend, she got pregnant a year and a half ago now, without even trying, and she really didn't want her baby at first, and now she has this gorgeous little girl (who I'm god mother to) who she didn't want in the first place and it tears me up inside thinking, well why can't I be like that? Why can't I have the one thing that I want more than anything else at the moment?

    :hissy: :cry: :blush:
     
  8. tansey

    tansey Finally a Mummy!

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2008
    Messages:
    21,453
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think we all know how you're feeling and it is hard. We just have to keep trying. Good luck girls!
     
  9. Visqueen

    Visqueen mum to 2 beautiful girls

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2008
    Messages:
    721
    Likes Received:
    0
    Dont feel bad we all want a baby and understand how we all feel and even though I lost mine at 11weeks it dont make getting a :bfn: harder for me we all want it so bad, we will all make it. Sooner or later we will all be on together moaning about our stretch marks and fat ankles :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  10. amanthony

    amanthony Z's Mama

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2008
    Messages:
    1,305
    Likes Received:
    0
    I know what you mean on so many levels. My little brother's friend, who is 14 years old, just got her :bfp: and she's devastated. My friend from childhood got accidentally pregnant 3 times with her husband. My best friend has had unprotected sex twice and both resulted in pregnancy (SERIOUSLY!) and she's had abortions with both of them. My mom was using birth control and got pregnant with me. She had unprotected sex ONCE and got pregnant with my brother. WHAT THE HECK!?!? Why isn't it that easy for me!?!?

    But then again...we've been trying a few months, which is NOTHING compared to some people.

    Last cycle I had SO many signs I thought I was pregnant for sure. The :bfn: broke my heart.

    And I could definitely stand to lose some weight, which no one has brought up to me (thank goodness--they'd regret it if they did!) but I know. I was just thinking...I'm going to try to focus a little bit more on losing some weight and getting me healthier this month, and see if that works. Can't hurt. And it worked for my mom's friend, who had been having SUCH a hard time getting pregnant (ovulation issues, husband's reversed vasectomy, etc, etc...trying for over 2 years). She just took a couple months to focus on her...getting healthier, eating better, exercising, relaxing and all of a sudden, :bfp:.

    So...let's try to focus on US and know that it can only help our chances AND help our future children to have healthier mommies!
     
  11. amanthony

    amanthony Z's Mama

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2008
    Messages:
    1,305
    Likes Received:
    0
    :rofl: I can't WAIT for stretch marks and fat ankles..which will follow barfing, weight gain, and all of the other fun and exciting pregnancy symptoms. SO EXCITING!!! :rofl:
     
  12. honey08

    honey08 mum2two boys/2mc

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2008
    Messages:
    28,328
    Likes Received:
    1
    :hugs::hugs: if any1 understands u its no1 more than the bnb girls hun :) i know its hard,maybe take a break ? hard to stay positive all the time,no1 can tho thats just it!! so get the support/advise off ere hun x
     
  13. EmmyReece

    EmmyReece Mummy To Olivia

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Messages:
    17,626
    Likes Received:
    4
    I don't think I can be positive enough for the both of us, Chris' enthusiasm does seem to be taking a dip, even though I don't even mention the possibility of babies when we :sex: because I don't want to put him under the extra pressure.
     
  14. amanthony

    amanthony Z's Mama

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2008
    Messages:
    1,305
    Likes Received:
    0
    That's hard. It's hard enough, and feeling like you're in it alone makes it harder. I'm sorry. :hugs:

    I'm a big advocate of "let's talk it out, like it or not" because I can't keep bottled up and doing so only seems to make things worse. I would try to talk to him about it--not that you have to tell him around ovulation time or talk about making a baby, but try to get him to talk about what he's feeling so that you two can understand each other. You have to be a team to be effective parents, and this is the first step! If you're trying to understand him instead of trying to make him understand you, you might get somewhere (and he'll hopefully get to/want to understand you as a result).
     
  15. EmmyReece

    EmmyReece Mummy To Olivia

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Messages:
    17,626
    Likes Received:
    4
    Chris is one of those, if you don't talk about it then it should hopefully go away, people. He's my first serious relationship (am guessing I got lucky lol and as much as I whinge I wouldn't change him for the world) and sometimes I don't really know how to bring things up, or word them properly.

    And without sounding harsh I think I also see us having a baby as being our way to leave this house without there being any animosity between us and his parents. The majority of our wages go on board money to his Mum (far too much in my parent's eyes). But more importantly, whether or not we left this house, a baby would just complete the family, someone who'd look up to us, who we could pass on our advice to, protect, love and cherish (ok now I'm stating the obvious, just don't want you guys to think that we only want a baby so we can leave here)
     
  16. SJK

    SJK Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2008
    Messages:
    4,021
    Likes Received:
    0
  17. amanthony

    amanthony Z's Mama

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2008
    Messages:
    1,305
    Likes Received:
    0

    Awww, of course we don't think that's the only reason you want a baby. :) I'm sorry things are hard right now.

    I see what you're saying. And my husband was raised just like that and as a result, that's his way--just leave me alone so I can cool down...then by the time I'm cooled down I'm over it and let's just leave it alone and it goes away. But things DO NOT go away like that! They may blow over, but they're not dealt with. If you try to talk to him...make it a conversation and ask him questions with open and honest sincerity, not be attacking, not tell him "you hurt me when you do this or that" but just "I feel like this" and "I want to know how you feel about having a baby" etc...let him see your vulnerability--that you're afraid you might not word it perfectly, that you may not know exactly what to say, but that you're hurting and that you want to know how he feels and for him to be there for you/understand you/care about your feelings...how could that upset him? Guessing how he feels isn't going to help either of you. I don't know...I was raised in an environment where we HAD to talk things out, and hard as it is sometimes I really appreciate it. It was hard for my husband at first. He hated it. But as long as you can stay calm (even if he gets upset) and just be rational and open, it can't turn into a fight. Even if he gets angry, how can he be angry at you if all you're doing is trying to have a conversation. Don't let it be a fight, but don't be afraid to open up. This is your partner. This is the person who you have to be on a team with to make and then to raise a baby. It's worth a try. :hugs:
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice