Difficulties with partner's ex

[stepmummy]

Hello,

Not sure where to place this question but as my step daughter is 8, I thought this was best.

I absolutely love my step daughter, I really care about her wellbeing and even though I have a one year old and am pregnant with #2, SD is always up there with our main priorities so that she never feels left out. She spends two days a week with us so doesn't live with us.

The problems lie with her mother. She's not a particularly great role model and does all manner of things I disagree with (swearing, smoking in the house even though SD is asthmatic, allowing SD to watch TV/play video games the vast majority of the time).

Recently, she has seemed to develop some kind of jealousy or bitterness about me and DH - since finding out about the pregnancy really. She sends vile messages about how I don't care about my SD and how he's not being a good father. She's in a relationship so I can't see why she should be so unhappy about it and we've made sure she knows SD isn't going to get pushed out or overlooked when this baby arrives.

I've just had to come home early from SD's birthday party because she was being so vile, ignoring me and kept turning her back to block me out of conversations. I don't know what to do and find myself wishing she just didn't exist as everything else in our lives is wonderful and we're all so happy. She's the only problem.

I really need to talk to someone and get advice but I don't know where to turn because no one seems to understand. Any advice on how to deal with this situation? It's really starting to get me down

Thanks ladies xxx

 

[scoobydrlp]

I can't say that I have any advice, but didn't want to read and run. I have a SD as well, but luckily have never had the issues you're dealing with right now. Is there any possibility of you and your DH sitting down with his ex and having a constructive conversation about what's going on? I know that's not always a possibility, but maybe she has concerns that would be able to voice if she knew you were willing to hear her out.

 

[fuzzballxxx]

Id talk to her and your partner, it sounds to me like shes jealous if im honest.

 

[stepmummy]

We have offered meetings to her but she has turned us down, I don't think she's really willing to listen to our side as she's already decided we're out to make her life difficult and let SD down. I guess all we can do is continue to do the best we can for SD and try to keep her mum at arm's length as much as possible. Thanks for the responses ladies.

 

[hopeandpray]

sounds like you're doing all you can. At least she has one good female role model in her life. Poor girl, it must be very bad for her asthma

 

[loopylollipop]

I am a step mum to two boys. I have a DS and a new baby with my OH.

Being a step mum is really hard. I love my two like my own. Luckily their mums (yes plural unfortunately) arent too much of a problem. One however always wants to push me out of the school plays (oh not enough tickets so only OH can go, then on the night her whole family appear) and other fairly petty stuff.

Unfortunately your situation is more difficult, but all you can do is the best for her and be a positive role model unlike her mother.

His ex may chill out once she has gotten her head around the new pregnancy. She sounds bitter and jealous and this behaviour is extremely childish. But there is very little you can do apart from offer to talk about things. She is too immature to accept this ever I expect.

Rise above this pathetic individual, and be the mom to her daughter that she isnt able to be

take care and hope things get better, concentrate on your lovely arrival to come x

 

[sarahdilan]

I feel for you. Its a difficult situation. I have an adorable step son who would live with us 2mora if he could. His mother despises me and she throws a fit if she sees me in the same town as her. She uses ss as a weapon at every given opportunity. We see him on a week to week basis depending on her mood and current relationship status. She's a bloody nightmare.

You seem to be doing all you can. Step parents are always in a difficult position with no support I know about.