DNA

[nicci042000]

Hi. Just a quicky. My partner slept with a girl 9 years ago and the social workers are calling him now asking for DNA tests. The child is ill due to been mistreated by her mother and is in foster care. My partners name is not on the birth certificate and was originally 1 of 4 guys who could be the dad, now the mother is saying hes the only one.

Can he refuse the test? Will he have to pay?

We are due for our own little girl in 8 weeks! We needs as much advice as possible.

Thank you

 

[lhancock90]

Welcome to BnB.
I suppose he could refuse the test yes but, thats potentially his child in foster care, surely if he can save this poor child he should? If there is even a chance this child is his i think he should step up, have the test and find out.
Whether you are due your own or not, sorry!

x

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

Welcome to BnB

I agree with the above. I can't add anymore than that.

 

[suzib76]

Yeah I agree, why would he refuse the test? The fact that you are about to have a baby with him should only confirm and highlight the fact that if there is any chance this girl could be his, he should be doing everything he possibly can to find out

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Yikes what a situation
I do agree with the others, he shouldn't refuse the test. Although you're due "your own" child, the poor thing is foster care could be his own too and would be as much his blood as your baby, he shouldn't push him/her away because he doesn't want to deal with it. Sounds like this child has been through a rough enough time already

That's just my opinion though (or a mild version of it ). Legally I would have thought he could refuse the test. SS will be able to tell him whether or not he has to pay for it, has he spoken to them about it?

 

[nicci042000]

He offered to do the test a while ago and then the mother said it had been sorted and wasnt his but now is saying she knows its his and so the social wants the test. Its such a tricky situation. Id never stop him building a relationship etc with her if shes his, at least she would have some sort of family. He just doesnt know what do with been messed around in the past. Its messing with both our heads as the story changes all the time.

Thanks for your advice etc

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Ahh that's difficult. The mother sounds awful
If Social Services are requesting the test though, surely she's not involved in the results so he'll know for certain. It's worth doing it, especially if they're not charging him, because he'll know for sure either way.

 

[lhancock90]

A test would end all the messing about?
He'd know for certain then x

 

[Pearls18]

Why on earth would he refuse, I know this must be difficult for you and him but think of the poor child, with all due respect she is the one being messed about, please make him do the right thing.

 

[Yo_Yo]

Welcome to BnB.
I suppose he could refuse the test yes but, thats potentially his child in foster care, surely if he can save this poor child he should? If there is even a chance this child is his i think he should step up, have the test and find out.
Whether you are due your own or not, sorry!

x

Totally agree. It would be wrong of him to avoid this DNA test. This child sounds like she has been through a crap time, maybe she needs someone there to love and care for her?

 

[moomin_troll]

There is a child involved who's been mistreated and is now in care, which isn't always nice. So who cares she messed him around, surely this is something he needs to sort out and know for once and for all.
I can imagine this isn't a good time for u and him for this to come up, but think of that poor child. She could be his and hopefully her life will start to get better from now on. No child deserves to be in care

 

[Snow Owl]

Legally he will be made to pay CSA unless he can prove he's not her father (via DNA test). If he refuses the test they will just make him pay anyway.

 

[Bittersweet]

Um. Sorry but why wouldn't he be getting tested? Messed about? A child has been harmed!!! Surely that would be enough grounds for your oh to get tested?! Furthermore you have 8 weeks until your own child as you put it is born. More than enough time tonged the test and the results. I seriously hope your oh gets tested. The poor girl has been harmed, she will be petrified scared! Not to mention she will get access to her files sooner or later and will find out her potential dad didn't get tested if that what your oh choses to do. Rejected all over again for her. What an awful situation

 

[XcupcakeX]

Gosh, this has saddened me if i were you I'd be furious if my OH didn't want to take the test. 1. Because he should want to know whether the child is actually his after all, whether or not he has been messed about. And 2. Because he should want to help the child who seems to have had a pretty crap start to life.

The fact you have 8 weeks of your pregnancy left is beside the point, your OH may have responsibilities he needs to step up to. At least if he does the test you'll know either way.

This is a man who is going to be the father of your child, if he refuses to take the test surely that says a lot about what sort of father he will be!

 

[moomin_troll]

Totally agree!
If he can leave a child who might be HIS, then what's to say he won't just walk away from you saying he's not sure ur baby is his, yes dramatic. But I wouldn't feel comfortable having a child with a man who could leave a child in care knowing she might be his

 

[XcupcakeX]

Also, if it is his child, she is also YOUR unborn child's sister.

I really hope he does the decent thing.

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

Why on earth would he refuse, I know this must be difficult for you and him but think of the poor child, with all due respect she is the one being messed about, please make him do the right thing.

Completely echo this. I can't understand why he wouldn't want to get tested.

 

[cookette]

Im with the others. If it is his he needs to step up and do the right thing, regardless if he "wants" to or not. When he agreed to sleep with her, he agreed to this chance.

 

[R_x]

I agree with the others. Weather he's been messed about or not this will end that and he will find out if she is his or not once and for all. X

 

[weebubba]

I hope this matter is resolved soon particularly for the child involved. It's a pity the ex in question has pissed about for so long and a child has been damaged by this.

I know it's a stressful situation having been in your shoes myself, once you get the results you can both build a happy future for your family and hopefully a happy future for the little girl involved too.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.