DNA

[Eleanor ace]

I imagine you and your OH are both feeling quite shaken up by this as you thought he was ruled out as the girls father and I expect that is whats causing you reservations over the DNA test. But honestly I think it will happen whether you guys want it to or not. Presumably if social services want the test done and it is deemed in the girls best interests they could get a court order to make him take the test, the same as when they go after parents for CSA (although I may well be wrong!).
I think that taking the test would be the best thing for all of you though. Firstly for the child- she deserves to know who her parents are. For your OH- he wants a resolution to the not knowing and this is it. If the child is his daughter and he wants to develop a relationship with her (now or in the future) he's going to want to start off on the right foot and refusing a DNA test isn't it. For your LO- they will want to know if they have a sister. If I found out my dad had a potential child and hadn't tried to find out whether she was his (especially with her being in care and so desperately in need of a parent who cares) it would make it seriously difficult to have any respect for him.
Good luck with the test when (if) it happens and I hope that this has a happy outcome for all of you (particularly that poor girl)

 

[Lauraxamy]

It's the mother who's messed him about not the poor little girl who's now sick and in care. I can understand it's a difficult situation but I really hope he goes ahead with the test.

 

[carlandjane]

there would be an interim care order in place by courts, by law they have to try and find the father and if he isnt named on the birth certificate dna is required. He can refuse to if he wants, or he can do the test. The social services/courts would pay for the test and would arrange for saliva samples to be taken at a nearby doctors surgery different to your usual one, he would have to take ID and a passport sized photo.
Then if he is the father they will discuss the situation further but depending on the situation he would likely have to attend court and have social services assessments to see if he is in a position to have the child living with you (if thats what you wanted). If not obviously the ball is in his court, he doesnt have to do anything and even if he is the father he can say he wants no access or visits and give up his parental rights.
People will always say 'you have to find out, its not the childs fault' but equally its not his fault if he wasnt aware of the childs existance and its not his duty to try and put right any problems that the child may now have. Sometimes such problems cannot easily be helped and can have a serious knock on effect on your family. Sometimes you have to do the 'selfish' thing but really you are putting your family first and noone can criticize you for that.
There will be many many people involved in the case and they are very complicated. Even if your partner was the father and you offered the child a home, you may not be suitable for many many reasons - its a long stressful process!

 

[smileyfaces]

Potentially his child so any reservations about money etc should be put to one side. A simple test could save this child from foster care.

Hope everything is okay xx

 

[carlandjane]

Its easy or people to say you can save the child from foster care but sometimes that is not possible. Social services will take into account: Finances, housing, bedrooms, exisiting children, jobs, who can care for her needs appropriately, location - are you local or would she need to change school, often they wont allow that, they look at your medical history and your past in its entirety, they will contact your other family members to check support network. They even go as far as contacting ex partners.

Its not as simple as - DNA, he is the father, heres your daughter *plonk*

It takes months and months, court attendances, meetings with many people, home visits, references, and even after all that if they felt she could be placed then it would mean short visits, long visits, overnight stays etc over at least six months, she would have to have her own room, and obviously her mother would still have supervised access pretty much regardless of what she has done so this would have to be accommodated too.

Its by far a simple answer/solution. The DNA would just be the beginning.

Once an interim care order is in place for a child that child will not be allowed to leave foster care until all avenues have been explored. They will just keep renewing it for as long as necessary whilst she remains in foster care.

 

[carlandjane]

Id advise you seek out a solicitor, as far as im aware because HE has been brought into proceedings by social services, HE should be entitled to full legal aid support which will be vital for you, these situations are so very complicated! May also be worth you contacting your local CAFCASS for advice.

Also child support isnt payable when the child is under local authority care.

 

[Yo_Yo]

I feel so sorry for the poor little girl behind this I can't imagine what she's going through.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

So sad x

 

[HBGirl]

OP. I totally understand your aprehension. I would hate to be in your position.

 

[jd83]

What a tough situation! I think he needs to do the DNA test to know for sure. As pp has said, even if it ends up being his child, I'm sure there would be a long road ahead to decide what to do with the child. I can't imagine them just giving a child to someone who tested as the father after all these years without doing extensive research on how fitting the home would be for the child. That poor child, regardless of whether he is or isn't the father has sure been through a tough time; how heartbreaking

 

[Equreuil]

It is a hard situation. I would say he should at least submit to the test.

As someone else said, find a lawyer. If he is the father, he's not responsible for child support while she's in the foster care system, but it doesn't mean they won't try to get back pay.

But get the results before weighing the options. It's what the courts/foster care system will do.