Do I let the dad in labour room

[Chezzer]

So I had a very short lived fling with someone and the reason for the split was his drink habits he like coke and said he fantasizes over men and wants to be blindfolded and s**ked off by men and me watch.
From when we split till before I found out I was prego until 10 wks I didn't see him then we had a 12wk scan from the 12 wk scan until out 20wk this Tuesday we have not seen each other he had message once asking how iam he never asks how things are going when the midwife appointments are or how things went ( I don't contact him though but I'm the prego one) has also after a DNA test which I'm happy to do. So my question is do i let him in the labour room.
Also anything I have bought and paid for it been give do i share it with him,
Or buy for out own house .
And he wants baby to have his last name this will not happen .

 

[Mark&Annie]

When you’re in n labour, surround yourself with people who make you feel safe and relaxed. Unless you want him there, don’t feel obliged!! This is your body and your birth.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I probably wouldn't be comfortable with that but maybe let him know when you're in labour and he can wait in the hospital and see the baby soon after birth

 

[AliJo]

No, I wouldn't. You want to have positive surrounds. Unless you want him there I would just have him wait outside till baby is born.

 

[Scout]

I'd do whatever you feel most comfortable with during labor. If he stresses you out, then I'd not have him in.

The things you buy or are given to you stay at your house. He can buy for his. Kids are crazy expensive and you shouldn't have to provide for two households.

 

[Babybump87]

Doesn’t sound like he would be the most supportive. If it were me he would be waiting outside until baby is born

As for baby items . Let him buy for his own place like the other ladies have said baby items are expensive and you most defiantly shouldn’t have to buy two of each!

 

[love.peace]

Surround yourself with people who will fully support you love. I've been watching call the midwife and there was a time when men wouldn't be allowed in the room.
I think it's reasonable to tell him in the later stages of labour and ask him to meet you at the hospital (perhaps he can bring some support for himself) but only come in once baby is here and you are settled.

 

[DobbyForever]

Agreed. You shouldn’t be providing for both households. I used to do this when my ex had supervised visitation, and I had the court and supervisors tell me to stop enabling me. He either steps up and shows up with the stuff or he doesn’t get a visit that day.

And I agree. I regret having my s*head ex in my labor room. In my life really but I wish to this day I had not let him bully his way in.

But to play devil’s advocate I will say let him wait in the waiting room and see the baby after you have had your skin to skin moment. Because if things get ugly (aka legal) you don’t want to give him alienation ammo because alienation is grounds for you to lose custody to him

 

[Chezzer]

Agreed. You shouldn’t be providing for both households. I used to do this when my ex had supervised visitation, and I had the court and supervisors tell me to stop enabling me. He either steps up and shows up with the stuff or he doesn’t get a visit that day.

And I agree. I regret having my s*head ex in my labor room. In my life really but I wish to this day I had not let him bully his way in.

But to play devil’s advocate I will say let him wait in the waiting room and see the baby after you have had your skin to skin moment. Because if things get ugly (aka legal) you don’t want to give him alienation ammo because alienation is grounds for you to lose custody to him

Really didn't know I could loose custody over that. Ok il let him wait outside i think he thinks it's gonna be quick like labour is 10 minutes lol I said my son (He's not the dad to him) from first contraction to birth it was 36 hrs.
Yeah I'l have my skin on skin my bonding then il let him in.

 

[DobbyForever]

A lot of moms/parents don’t realize that. I only know because my ex literally filed a motion claiming that as a basis to get our custody flipped. Of course he is a lying sack of poop and nobody believed a word he said because I have proof I go out of my way to include him, but all the cited statutes and cases were there in his motion. It is definitely a thing, and if he has been able to prove it I would have lost custody.

Now if they choose to abandon that is on them. But you have to have made a reasonable attempt at coparenting to really show that and it takes a lot. The trend right now is protecting dad rights so just be careful what you put in writing but also use that to your advantage.

 

[Shezza84uk]

I’ve commented on you other thread as stated he doesn’t have to be present at all neither does he have to be outside waiting unless you are comfortable with that. Once he signs the BC he then had parental responsibility, clearly you stand to have an issue with communication:compromise and agreements regarding the baby.

A few things you should consider is would you like your new born away from you? He technically doesn’t need to buy anything for the early days especially if he has a drug and alcohol issue, you might want to seek advice regarding visitation etc once the baby is born. You can do supervised visits until baby is older then he can start preparing his home for that time depending on how well he can look after the baby, it also depends if you intend to breastfeed and his substance issues etc being addressed.

Get things in place to give him the opportunity to bond with the baby and be a father but overall due to his drink and drugs you also have a duty of care to ensure he isn’t under the influence whilst handling a new born.

 

[Chezzer]

He's said he can't get excited about having a baby with me as we dont really know each other which is true he also said that it's wrong to be excited and celebrating texting my friends, I'm just want a calm birth, and as he requested a dna he doesn't believe it's his so why would he want or need to be at the birth, and I've said he can come round after the baby is born to meet her and see her I'd never stop him but if he turns up drunk or coked up then il show him the door.

 

[Bevziibubble]

That's a good plan